This story out of Miami is 10 days old, but well worth reporting on. Apparently Shaquille O’Neal’s home has huge spotlights that are bothering the neighbors.
“My problem is I’ve got this beautiful condo with a great view and I’ve lost my view thanks to Shaquille O’Neal,” Kim Suereth said. “It feels like I’m living across from a baseball stadium and that’s not what I paid for. I paid a lot of money for this property.”
Suereth said he has tried to get the lights put out, but after two visits to the Miami Heat basketball star’s house and two letters, Suereth decided to fight fire with fire.
“I got a spotlight myself and shined it on him last night and today knocking on my door was code enforcement from the city of Miami and the city of Miami Beach, threatening to cite me and that I would be fined $5,000 if I did it again,” Suereth said.
There’s so much happening in this story, we really can’t do it justice. Shaq has huge spotlights that bother everybody. The neighbors have to resort to retaliatory spotlights, which they are then in trouble for getting. The authorities won’t do anything because it’s Shaq. The best, though, is when the media tries to ask him about it all:
NBC 6′s Tom Llamas stopped by O’Neal’s house to ask him about the lights.
“Get away from my house. What do you want?” O’Neal responded through an intercom outside the gate of his home.
We can all picture the inevitable conclusion to this – Shaq standing out on his patio hurling gigantic boulders across the bay that leave nothing but huge piles of rubble where his neighbors’ homes used to be. When the cops come to check it out, he says “go away” in that distinctive Shaq tone, and that’s that.
Dave Feschuk of the Toronto Star took the team to task over the weekend. A more accurate description may be that he’s giving in to the inevitable result of the upcoming season.
Think about it: Last year the Raptors won all of 33 games without losing a regular to a significant injury. This year they’ve lost Marshall, their second-best big man behind Bosh. They’ve got jack-all else to make up for Marshall’s veteran steadiness, nobody but the Euro-unknown Jose Calderon and (in all likelihood) a minimum-salary journeyman to keep Alston honest. They’ve got a hot-head coach who may well maim a player by season’s end. They’ve got, in short, all the pieces in place for a new standard in arena-emptying, punchline-inspiring, renaissance-inducing futility.
There are two important things to extrapolate from that article, besides a general feeling of sorrow. One, the city of Toronto is much more realistic than the delusional Utah fans. That doesn’t at all lead to the next question, but let’s phrase it like that anyway. This leads to the next question, who or what is a Euro-unknown Jose Calderon?
One of the Atlanta Hawks remaining owners visited the Hawksquawk.net message board with a special message for the…board:
Since I became an owner, I have from time to time checked RealGM and Hawksquawk to get a sense of the thoughts of our most dedicated fans. In the past several weeks, I have closely read your comments on the Joe Johnson trade and the conflict within our ownership group. I was struck by your passion for the Hawks. It’s that passion that we desparately need as we build this young team. Over the past year, several of you have chatted about meeting at a game and I would love to assist in making this possibe. So I’ve arranged the following:
Between now and September 1st you can purchase lower level tickets to the Hawks game on November 10th vs. the LA Clippers — for only $10 each! These seats are normally $55! Plus, I will choose two of you that purchase these tickets to sit with me in my floor seats and watch
the Hawks Rise Up and beat the Clippers!
This is a really nice gesture following last week’s incident. There are probably a couple hundred responses to the post, which should bring the attendance for that night’s game up to a couple hundred.
There are certain mornings, and they’re rare, when the internet gently rustles you awake and whispers, “Hey, buddy. We like you. You do a good job. Here’s a little present.” It happened to us this morning for the first time, and it was everything we imagined it would be.
Brace yourselves, because the MTV.com link we’re sending you to has this exact headline: Ciara Gets Help From Carmelo Anthony And A Horse For Next Video.
We could go on for 10,000 words why a video featuring Melo on romantic horseback rides will replace Airplane! as the funniest thing ever put to film, but we’ll let everyone picture their own version in their minds for now. We can tell you this – when this video is released, we’ll likely post a looping clip and just take the rest of the month off.
Hoopsvibe takes a look today at next year’s free agency class, forecasting a boring summer much like this one.
As it stands now, the selection of players appears to be rather limited with most of the heavy hitters expected to re-sign with their current franchises and many of the lower tier players burdened by question marks.
Question marks? Are they implying someone like Darko Milicic has question marks? Look, not only does “the guy taken before Melo, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh” have no question marks and delicious blond highlights, he also has some serious moves around the basket. Not to mention a career 1.8ppg scoring average. Those are question marks? We’d have to say there are absolutely no question marks about Darko’s potential.
The DFW (or Dallas-Fort Worth Star Telegram if you aren’t down) says that Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski is the #1 candidate to coach the next Olympic team in 2008. The appointment would make him the first college coach to lead NBA players in the Olympics.
Others close to the process, however, say Krzyzewski has the inside track over San Antonio’s Gregg Popovich, who was an assistant on the 2004 team that lost in Athens. That loss is not considered a negative against Popovich.
“What Gregg Popovich has accomplished and because of his understanding of international basketball, he certainly would be one of the strongest candidates at the position,” Colangelo said.
Colangelo said there is a third candidate with NBA ties.
A third candidate with NBA ties, eh? Ties is kind of vague, isn’t it? That could be anybody, really. After a long and tiring analysis, we’ve determined it’s this unnamed man.
ESPN columnist Ric Bucher has put up an interesting analysis of the Miami Heat’s recent flurry of moves, stating he doesn’t like their chances at snagging a ring this year.
The Heat aren’t vying for a title no matter what happens, but at least they’ll provide plenty of drama. The personalities are too fractious, the points of friction are too numerous and the expectations are ridiculously too high for anything more. Or less.
For now, [Head Coach Stan Van Gundy] is still on board but hanging from the railing, his pockets loaded with rocks old and new, engulfed by Captain Vere — er, Riles’ — shadow, his survival dependent on steering a ship with a half-dozen new parts smoothly into a championship port. (I just couldn’t pass up the chance to finally use that 10th-grade summer reading assignment of “Billy Budd.”)
It’s times like this we wish we hadn’t dropped out of the 10th-grade, because we have no idea what he’s talking about in that second paragraph.
A search around the net for our fellow basketball experts’ opinions (stop laughing!) revealed this shouldn’t even be on the table for discussion at the moment. A much more pressing concern is Shaq’s underappreciated rapping skills. And that’s according to Stanford.
As a service to the internet community, the excellent “The NBA Source” blog has gathered together pictures of every NBA dance team for the 2005-06 season.
There’s lots to see and much to learn. A borderline-perverted going-over has let us narrow down the best squads to Dallas and Phoenix, and NBA Utah actually has a team, and as the Source notes, Boston is the only organization with no dancers, opting instead for spunky kung-fu children.
Alas, it’s Dallas Mavs Dancer Amber who wins the overall award for “NBA Dancer YAYbasketball! Would Most Like To [edited] and Then [edited] While [my god, that's edited!].
This blog is teaching us more and more about our future everyday, and we can now be sure that our daughter will not be named Amber, as we don’t want to leave any chance she could end up looking like this Amber. If Amber starts posting at the NFL Cheerleader Blog, then we’ll know we are indeed blessed.
We’re wondering that only because 17 different people told us we’re blessed today, which means there’s either something good in the works or a well-planned and elaborate hoax is being executed.
Luke Jackson warms our heart when he 
It’s August, it’s hot, and it’s probably the deadest month of the year NBA-wise, unless you’re interested in 
