Carl Boozerspitz was born in 1936 in Nazi Germany. From the moment he emerged from the womb, he was bred to be viciously cruel to those around him. Rumor has it he was born with a tail. Not a devil tail, but a strange, furry tail – like bunnies have. He chose to keep this tail, for he felt it gave him power and prestige.
On his second birthday, Carl’s mother attempted to bake him a cake. Carl saw this as disrespectful and killed her, shoving her head in the oven and watching with glee. It was at this moment he realized his true purpose in life – he left Germany behind forever and headed for France.
It was in Paris where Carl would spend the next fifty-seven and a half years of his life, learning the craft of homo-erotic dance. It would be many years before he would be allowed to practice the craft as a trade, but his lover, a kind man by the name of Pierre, treated him well. Although he knew it was a large risk, on Carl’s sixtieth birthday, Pierre presented him with another cake. He thought perhaps Carl had softened over the years, and this was true, for Carl hesitated a moment before hacking Pierre into small pieces and eating him.
Without the protection of being a minor, Carl was to be put on trial for the murder of his mate. It was at this time that he changed his name to Carlos Boozer and moved to the Alaskan wilderness. His history since then has been well documented in American sports magazines and on television. Why he chooses to live his life in the public eye is quite puzzling, but surely this mysterious murderer with the bunny tale has a larger plan in mind. His is a story worth keeping an eye on.
Predicted record: 46-36
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