Choose Your Own Adventure: Joe Johnson (Part 3/5)
by The Cavalier on November 30, 2005
[Due to Mr. Packard's inability to realize a whole day would pass in the real world between installments, the timeline of this thing is all screwed up. Thanks to everyone who voted yesterday.]
WHACK! You punch Tyronn in the face, and he goes down hard. “Damn, Joe! What was that for?”
“I just felt an urge, you little Sisco-fied-ass point guard.” You reach out a hand to help Tyronn up, and apologize for misspelling his name the other day. He tells you it happens all the time, and then he feels sad. 
You friendship renewed, you and Tyronn head to shootaround in preparation for your impending 100-85 loss to the Rockets. Coach Woodson can’t help but frown as he watches the team get ready. The rest of the day is a daze, as is most of the game. Afterward, you come to in the middle of trying to explain what happened to the local paper.
“I think we’ve really been like that the whole season,” said Johnson, who led the Hawks with 17 points, seven assists and four rebounds. “The ball really doesn’t move around a lot and that keeps us from getting the easy baskets on the offensive [end]. I think that comes from all of us, not giving up the ball. Guys get it and keep it because they don’t think they’re going to get it back. That’s why it’s on all of us to come together and play the right way.”
Later, alone in the locker room, you’re miserable. Lost. You’re often playing out of position, despite your Muppetesque friend being put into the starting line-up next to you. Can it get any lower? You wonder if you’ve hit rock-bottom…when in the corner, there’s a light. A hazy, glowy light – it’s getting bigger and coming toward you. Is “glowy” even a word? That’s all you can think.
But the light is getting closer. You hear a disembodied voice say, “Hello, Joe…”
Choose Your Own Adventure: Joe Johnson (Part 2/5)
by The Cavalier on November 29, 2005
[A vast majority of our readership wanted Joe to get a hooker after yesterday's part one!]
You’re Joe Johnson, and you can’t believe your luck. Trix is the hottest hooker in town, and she’s so pretty she almost looks like a stripper. That’s high class here in the ATL. It’s not quite the PHX…but Trix will do. You watch her get dressed and count the 5 grand you just gave her. “Trix are for kids!” she squeals, as she slips the money in her pocket.
She leaves, and you’re left to your own thoughts again. You feel a little better, but as the smell of Trix wears away and the scent of tonight’s game (and another loss) sets in, you become depressed again. Even though you’re playing the equally crappy Houston Rockets, you can’t help but wonder what Steve Nash is up to right now.
There’s a knock on the door. You go to answer it, and it’s your point guard-by-default Tyrone Lue, whose rookie card sits there online for sale endlessly, unable to garner even $4.99.
“Yo, was that Trix?” Tyrone kind of hops up and down when he talks – like a little kid. Or Ja Rule, only shittier. You nod. “Yeah, that was Trix.” Tyrone pulls out a wad of cash.
“We got time before shootaround!”
Choose Your Own Adventure: Joe Johnson
by The Cavalier on November 28, 2005
[Hey kids! Remember these books that seemed like magic in the 80s?]
You’re Joe Johnson. You’ve been turning over and over all night long – you’ve forgotten to take your sleeping pills again. Things have been rough since you’ve come over to the Hawks. Al Harrington is a super nice guy, and Josh Smith can jump really high, but he isn’t blocking shots like he was last year. The team has recently been red hot, winning two in a row, but a harsh home loss to Portland has brought everyone’s spirits crashing back to Earth.
The phone rings. You reach over and check the I.D. – it’s your agent, Arn Tellem. Arn has done a lot for you, helping you sign that big contract and finally getting you off a winning team. But losing isn’t everything you thought it was going to be. Do you really like being the number one option and a league leader in turnovers?
You pick up. Arn doesn’t even give you a chance to say hello. “Do you want me to get you out? Denver needs a shooting guard. Want me to make some calls?”
You think about it. Is it too soon to give up? Is that the type of man you want to be?
“Joe?”
Vote now! To be continued tomorrow and all this week!
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