Raptors-Hawks is an epic battle for the ages

[While waiting for Cavs-Soncs, we're liveblogging the last 1:49 of what's mathematically the worst game in NBA history.]

1:49 – It’s 96-93 Toronto. Sam Mitchell looks distressed. We have the Hawks’ broadcast team on League Pass, which is good because we don’t speak French.

1:39 – The crowd is actually going “Let’s go Hawks! Let’s go Hawks!” To be fair, our hearing is not that great, and that could be “Let’s shoot ourselves! Let’s shoot ourselves!”

1:35 – Joe Johnson chose to make his adventure nailing a 3-pointer. We’ve just come to the harsh realization this could go to OT and this was a terrible idea.

1:21 – Villanueva just had a shot blocked by a hair. It was that close. Good move by Al Harrington, who shakes his head as if to say, “yeah, that’s what you get occasionally in the ATL, rook.”

:59 – There was a timeout, during which we went to the bathroom and missed part of the game. Our place is a mess. We hosted a couple Senators for THXGVG and haven’t really recovered.

:53 – Joe Johnson from the baseline for two. Hawks are up 98-96 – the announcers are very excited. They think if the Hawks can hang on and win this, they might let them into the NCAA Tournament this year. Timeout somebody – time to make the stalker-eyes at Amberley, one of the Toronto Dance Pak.

“Honey, let’s give this little girl a name that leaves no doubt she’ll be a stripper one day.”
“Just like her mom, huh…I love you, Trishasta.”
“And I love you, Guy.”

:17 – Tie game, Raps have the ball. (Go check out Talisa, too. By far the best Dance Pak’r.)

:05 – In a surprising move, God tears the roof off of Phillips Arena and declares this “What I really imagined when I threw this shitball together.” Since the Almighty can’t give a satisfactory explanation for why there are no dinosaurs in the Bible, the Raptors get to continue the game, and Charlie Villanueva hits a layup with 2.5 seconds left.

:01 – Joe Johnson steps out of bounds on a drive to the hole. Put him on suicide watch.

Jesus Christ, we’d hate to be from Atlanta. They just hit a three with .8 seconds left. Not that it makes a difference, but…well, that’s exactly the point. We’d recommend a healthy weekend of Talisa, should you have the means.