Yeah, the Cavaliers squeaked out a win last night, but they looked no better than they have during those five straight losses.
Somehow they managed to get a 25-point lead, and as expected, they gave it away through a brilliant combination of indifference and forgetting how to play altogether. Here’s the 6-part solution:
1) Fix LeBron. Since the All-Star break, he’s probably played the worst basketball of his career. If all you do is glance at the box score, you don’t see it, but he looks horrible. He’s stopped going to the hole altogether and really just looks tired.
We hate breaking out that excuse – we tend to think professional athletes should be able to handle playing 4 games a week without wearing out – but give the guy some rest. The Blog-A-Bullers are totally cracking on him, and he looked bad in front of MJ last night.
(We need to go into some heavy hoops analysis now, so hold on.)
2) On offense, run plays. We know the “stand around and have someone go one-on-one” is a classic offensive set, but maybe it’s too complicated, because it’s just not working for Cleveland right now. HOT TIP: Sometimes when you have one of the best centers in the league, it’s a good idea to throw the ball into him, while other players move around, set screens, cut to the basket, and/or attempt to get open.
3) On defense, play defense. This is pretty self-explanatory, so we’re not going to rehash what we learned on our first day of seventh grade basketball practice. On the line, up the line; don’t let your man drive by you; put a hand up when they shoot; box out – you guys may have heard of these things.
4) Try. This is a tough one. We know…sometimes it’s just kinda nice to trot down the court when you could be running full-bore. Science has shown that trying your hardest leads to success, however.
5) Stop acting like you just met yesterday. That’s what you’re acting like. Don’t act like that. Stop the part where you act like this.
6) Stop talking. We don’t want to hear how you’re still in fourth and you still have the home court and that you just need to “get back on track”. We want you to hear how you’re only 3.5 games from the 8 seed.
That’s not a lot of wiggle room. (We apologize for the semi-seriousness. We’ll be back to Photoshopping hot dogs and such in a moment.)
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they’re not 3.5 games out of playoffs, they’re actually 7 out of ninth, so expect this slump to last a little longer…
If you’re 8th and face the Pistons, you are out of the playoffs. It just takes about a week longer.
Those last 10 seconds were 10 painful seconds to be Noche.
Lebron got lucky and was bailed out by Flip. It was one o fthe saddest wins i have ever seen.
Lebron has to stop picking his nose and biting his nails. It’s causing him to lose his focus in the 4th quarter. He’s like damn, got another booger gotta pick it, or damn there’s a little bit of nail gotta bite it.
The Cavs goal is to make me cry once this year.
plays are for pussies, tell lebron to cowboy up and be half as good as damon jones thinks he is
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