For those of you without television, or perhaps if you’re just into feeling like you’re watching something from inside our head, we present to you…
All the house lights are down, save for a lone spotlight, shining on someone called Mark Boyle. He’s opening things by saying things about how the Pacers are legitimate contenders every year. We could swear – no joke – there are people booing. They either don’t like Boyle or don’t like contending for things.
Ah, in Indiana “greatness” is not a word thrown around lightly, says Boyle. He goes on a bit about the other 4 banners hanging in the rafters, then introduces our panel of ass-kissers. Wonder if Cheryl’s there.
Yep – Cheryl, who acts like she played for the Pacers too, and Tammy Lindsay, whose name they get backwards. Apparently she’s married. Reggie’s brothers Saul and Darrell are there. George McGinnis and a couple wives of some dead Pacers are there and some old gum-chewing coach.
Shit, there’s more. This whole idea was a mistake. Mark Jackson, Chuck Person, The Hamburglar, Dr. Pepper, Spongebob. Everyone. Chuck got fat, btw. Al Harrington??? Why? Derrick McKey – nice dreads, yo. What happened to you? Eddie Johnson – we always liked him. The Governor of the state is there – he looks like a young Bill Maher and gets booed badly. Boyle says to give him a break.
Now they roll out Reggie, who Boyle says has made the number 31 synonymous with excellence. People are cheering! This is pretty nice actually. Shut up, Boyle – you’re wrecking it! Nice goatee.
The Governor talks again, and the crowd murmers their displeasure. We take back what we said before – he looks like Bill Maher and an alien mated.
FAST FORWARD
People giving Reggie things, blah blah blah. Donnie Walsh looks like a monster. Is he gay? Does anyone know? He’s got some mannerisms – that’s all we’re saying. Let Reggie talk now. Now. Now. Now. This is not fun if you’re not an Indy fan. More booing – oh wait – that’s our girlfriend booing us. Framed replica of the banner – Brokeback called it a jersey. Nice.
More booing from our girlfriend. Mixed with the “Reggie” chant from the crowd, it actually makes a nice song.
Reggie-boo,
Reggie-boo,
Reggie-boo,
We love you-oo-ooo!
Reggie talks, it’s not even over, let’s assume they raise the thing up without incident and everyone goes home happy.
{ 3 comments }
i’m just glad they didn’t show reggie and cheryl making out
That makes one of us then.
You mean Reggie and Cheryl were seen together…at the same time…without a green screen being involved? Who knew?
Anyways, great post–even the shot at Darko. Hopefully you guys will be around to give a similar sendoff when #31 is hoisted into the rafters in Orlando. Sincerely, A mildly disgruntled Piston fan
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