Although it’s a little late to get into the playoff race, the Orlando Magic have made a nice turnaround the second half of the season, having gone 9-1 over their last 10 games.
Dwight Howard can definitely play, Jameer Nelson can play (and has a wind-up walker), and even Darko looks like he’ll turn into some kind of player.
Amazingly, they’ve done all of this without an actual general manager, instead choosing to function with a team of two assistant GMs. No longer. By mid-May, the team hopes to have a singular presence in the front office.
“I think it’s clear we get a GM in here,” Magic President Bob Vander Weide told the Sentinel.
“I’m happy with what they’ve done. There was a lot of debate about having two assistant GMs. We took a few hits on that. I noticed nobody throws arrows at baseball teams who have been doing it.”
Well, that’s because throwing arrows at people is considered assault, but we get his meaning. He’s afraid of arrows. Fine. Here’s the list of potential GMs who are available.
Kiki Vandeweghe: Because no potential GM list will be complete this offseason without him.
Grant Hill: This might be the way to get him to actually retire. By doing so, he frees up cap space for himself, and he can then use it to sign one of the hot free agents, like Al Harrington save that cap space for next year.
Adriana Lima: She claims to be a virgin, which is amazing if true, and a scandalous tease if false. This type of double-talk and mystery is essential in negotiating trades and throwing people off the scent of your draft desires.
John Weisbrod: While he’s admittedly a “hockey guy” and failed miserably the first time he was the Magic GM, now that’s he’s worked in the NBA, he can legitimately claim to be a “basketball guy”.
Al Pacino: This would just be a great thing to do, because nobody would know what to say or how to make sense of it.
Seann William Scott: Same thing, but even better.
Frankie Muniz: This one may seem like a joke, but we think he could do it. Drawback - he’s retiring from acting to become a racecar driver, so might not be available.
Dakota Fanning: HOT.
The Ben Wallace Blow-Up Defender: REALLY HOT.
While all of these are strong choices, why mess with success? Since two GMs have worked so well, why not have three? Our choices are obvious - the Blow-Up Defender, the Wind-Up Walker, and a pan. Let’s blow some minds, people - c’mon.
{ 3 comments }
I say Blow-Up Defender with the pan all the WAY!
As a Magic fan, I’ll take the blow-up defender as GM if we can have the pan replace Brian Hill as head coach.
Sounds good to me.
Comments on this entry are closed.