LeBron James is winning the World Cup
Published by The Cavalier June 6th, 2006 in LeBron James, Soccer, Dwyane Wade, World Cup
We’ve been sitting here trying think of ways we could make soccer interesting, and outside of this elaborate thing with random ejector panels at select point on the pitch (???), we’re at a loss.
Then we remembered that normally we write about NBA basketball, the greatest sport in all the land. The logical thought was “Which set of NBA stars could go over there and win the World Cup?”
Therefore, we decided to go with “Which set of NBA stars could go over there and win the World Cup?” Here then, is our “Official set of NBA stars who could go over there and win the World Cup.” We have no idea how many dudes actually go on the soccer pitch (!!!), so we’ll guess 8 and run with it.
We’re totally serious here, too. With two days of practice, these guys could win the whole thing.
1) Goalie - Kevin Garnett. “If you see the ball coming, don’t let it get past you. This will happen like four times in 3 hours, so save your energy. If you do happen to get the ball, kick it the other way as hard as you can.”
2) Forward - LeBron James. “Get the ball, run faster than and barrel through those small greasy people, and kick it in that net while faking them out.”
3) Forward - Dwyane Wade. “See what LeBron’s doing? When he’s not doing it, you do it.”
4) Defender - Allen Iverson. “Jesus A.I. - even you’re bigger than most of these weinies. Just go get the ball and kick it the other way as hard as you can.”
5) Defender - Kobe Bryant. “There’s a ball - when it comes your way, take it from whoever has it and kick it the other way as hard as you can.”
6) Center - Steve Nash. “You actually know what you’re doing, eh? Okay, then just go out there.”
7) Testicler - Reggie Evans. “Do what you do.”
8) European - Ben Gordon. “Go make nice with the other guys - talk about crumpets and how you can take trains everywhere and whatever it is you do over there. Oh, and if you see the ball, get it and kick it the other way as hard as you can.”
X) Bench Guy - Steve Francis. “Go in for Reggie.”
X2) Head Coach - Phil Jackson. Not that it matters - all the coach needs to do is say exactly what we’ve written above and determine the right time to switch Testiclers.
You throw these 8 dudes out there to run around and kick a ball with all those people, they’re pretty much gonna dominate. They’re bigger, faster, stronger (just like our high school workout program), and they’re all phenomenal athletes.
In case there are more than 8 guys on the pitch (>>>), we’ll take Shawn Marion and Manu Ginobli, who can go incognito and steal the other team’s intricate game plans. For example, what’s “get the ball and kick it as hard as you can the other way,” translated to German?
Ignorance is funny!
No Brasilian or Argentinian?…
Cav, check out the bottom of this link. The second one is our World Cup NBA team.
That didn’t go as planed, but the old copy-paste will do the the trick.
I fixed it for you - thanks -
Okay, yours is good, but who’s playing testicler?
And what about:
X3) Thug - Raja Bell. “Go in there and pick up as many greeting cards as you can. Just don’t try to head the ball, cause it might smack you in your ‘phenominal’ face.
i just spent $338 on on nba finals ticket… go mavs… dirk will win the world cup
Oguchi Onyewu is winning the O’Brien trophy. Goes 6′4″ 205.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/04/10/AR2006041001478.html
Seriously, fans of the NBA would probably like his game. He’s tough as nails and a very good headballer. He plays defense, but keep an eye on him during corner kicks and set plays up front. Dude looks like he could kick Ben Wallace’s butt.
“erhalten Sie die Kugel und treten Sie sie so stark, wie Sie die andere Weise können”
Frank does he play basketball? That’s pretty much the only way I’m going to like his game.
Er, except for Wallace’s five inches and 35 pounds on him. Soccer “big” is not basketball big.
“Hol dir den Ball und hau ihn so weit nach vorne, wie du kannst”
With this style of play the team might get into serious copyright problems with the english team. eh… maybe not the right place for soccer indsider jokes anyway.
Thanks. I don’t know about the testicler, but i know that the Collins twins can play the testicles.
Check out the long lost son of Frankenstein, Peter Crouch.
Oguchi doesn’t play basketball that I know of. Do you blog about soccer?
Re: The kicking of Big Ben’s butt
When World Fighting Championships takes over they’ll both be out of jobs and maybe we’ll see it happen.
The point was (duh), he’s strong.
Ha ha ha, he said headballer
that’s great… except that these guys can’t even win the basketball “cup.”
You seem to have forgotten that Manu Ginobili will be playing for Argentina instead..
Nah, this is the NBA team, not the USA team.
aloneconformist,
in team usa’s defense, larry brown was a bad coach for them because he doesn’t know FIBA rules very well. plus he sat lebron james down for long stretches, even though he was the best player on the team.
don’t get me wrong–it was pretty embarrasing when team usa finished 6th in thw world championships. as for the olympic team, we just didn’t have enough shooters and the coaching sucked ass.
Dwayne Wade has the flu, but will still play on team NBA USA soccer.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush… Mable
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush… Mable