Shaq likes Pat Riley better than Phil Jackson

by The Cavalier on June 5, 2006 · 7 comments

shaq 2001.pngDespite sometimes confusing Udonis Haslem with cartoon and baseball references (scroll down), MIA coach Pat Riley has emerged as one of the major stories of this 2006 NBA Finals.

Shaq is helping to add deeper layers to the plot by giving the man heaping amounts of praise, that heap on top of each other in piles of words.

”I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, but he’s actually been the best coach I’ve ever had,” Heat center Shaquille O’Neal said Sunday of Riley.

O’Neal then described Riley’s terse reaction to his performance in Game 5 vs. Detroit. On the flight back to Miami, Riley came to the front of the plane, dropped a couple of curse words on O’Neal and left.

”He’s the Italian version of my father. I don’t know if he’s Italian or not,” O’Neal said with a smile, likely knowing that Riley is of Irish descent. “Very straightforward. Whatever he says, he does, backs it up.”

Obviously the reference there is to Phil Jackson, who Shaq used to say was the only coach he’d ever play for. This isn’t a big deal – Shaq loves to make dramatic statements to draw attention to things. We’re sure whoever he’s playing for at the time is technically becomes his favorite coach.

Speaking of coaches, is ousted voluntarily stepped-down Heat coach Stan Van Gundy getting a ring if they win, or maybe a certificate of participation? Is Stan Van Gundy alive? Is he not allowed to speak about any of this?

The only thing we can find is Jeff Van Gundy saying that his bro is tan, happy, and quiet. He does use the phrase “gag order”, which probably means there is one nothing at all.


1 Stan Van Gundy June 5, 2006 at 1:54 pm

ppPpPpleease… hHhelpP meeee….

2 farlane June 5, 2006 at 2:05 pm

Stan Van was fed to gators by the second evilest man in the NBA, Pat “I’d Kill My Own Grandma for Another Ring (if I Hadn’t Already Killed Her)” Riley.

3 KaLiBLeeK June 5, 2006 at 3:47 pm

”He’s the Italian version of my father. I don’t know if he’s Italian or not,” O’Neal said with a smile, likely knowing that Riley is of Irish descent.

The author of that article is giving Shaq far too much credit. Between this, and Shaq saying him and Dwyane are like the Corleone brothers…it sounds like he really wishes he was part of the mob instead of an aspiring policeman.

And I think Stan is hosting shows on the Playboy Channel nowadays, and living off royalties from his appearance on “The Surreal Life.”

4 The Cavalier June 5, 2006 at 4:22 pm

JE Skeets just emailed me to say he just now noticed the spoon and spatula. I thought now was an appropriate time to mention it in public.

5 Steven Yanis June 6, 2006 at 2:18 am

Just another case of Shaq being Shaq.

6 Mark June 6, 2006 at 9:31 am

That is one of the most brilliant photoshops I’ve ever seen.

7 Brown January 18, 2007 at 2:49 pm

Shaq may be right about that… may be it’s because Pat was the only one who was able to get him in shape and stay in shape. Dude is LAZY!!!

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