UPDATE: Go to the Gobbly chat – this thing is sweet. We’re in there right now!
We don’t know what it is, but thanks to this World Cup related contest about boobs called the World Cups, we’re mildly interested enough to liveblog the first 15-20 minutes. Maybe 30 if there are lots of boobs.
Honestly though, part of the reason we don’t like soccer is because so many of the players look like they should be either getting busted by Dateline or trying to “make the love to a rich American A+ woman. Hello, baby. Enrico is here now and it is in the house.” You know the type.
Look at that Dateline dude Shaq’s looking at. Then look at the chick he’s with. Regardless, there are actually many good looking women in the soccer world, including Cheryl Tweedy, who sings in some English (?) girl group. We’ll begin – after the jump!
8:57 – One of the announcers is American Marcelo Balboa, the guy in the middle of this picture. He’s our greasyman looking for fine American women – and he’s American!
This is Germany vs Costa Rica. The German star Alfeedershein Joneschlager is out with a strained calf. We get the idea he could plpay, but Costa Rica isn’t that good or something.
There’s a lot of people there. Everyone in Costa Rica has th day off today.
9:00 – The match is to begin! Paulo Enrico is – oh, shit it started without warning! Someone just picked up the ball and took it out of bounds. They’re kicking it – now they stopped and nobody will say why. Oh, a foul. What was the foul?
9:02 – What the fuck is going on? Someone kicked it out of bounds! Now the whites have it, no the reds have it, no the whites have it, some Dateline is standing there. Andrei Kirilenko has the ball. The whites have t, now the reds, the whites again.
9:04 – The whites took a shot!!! It was high! Now our favorite part – the reds kick it aimlessly down the field as hard as they can. A white pulls up a red’s shirt – that a foul – homoeroticism.
The reds have it because of the foul. The reds kick it, now the whites have it. Oh, the reds got it – whites got it back. Hans Striker has it – whites have it – SCORE HITLER!
9:06 – SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! Dude that did it looks like he works at Subway. The goal had bend, says greasy American Balboa.
9:09 – We’ve been playing for 8:41 – that means nothing. It means nothing! How much time is left? Why do the soccer announcers assume we all know what’s going on? They should know the vast majority of Americans don’t watch this regularly. Most of us are clueless and could use some guidance. We don’t feel welcomed and embraced. Soccer fans are elitist – it’s all true.
9:11 – We’ll be honest – we’ve haven’t really watched anything since the goal, but the whites and reds are still scrambling around, and the score’s the same. There have been no further shots on goal that we’ve seen – WAIT GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Coast Rica! It was Jose! Jose from Costa Rica did it! He’s the best goal-scorer in Costa Rica history!
9:21 – We had it paused to type, so we skipped ahead to the present – then we turned it off!
Fine, we give – soccer is awesome. Bonnie Hunt’s on Regis, though.
{ 8 comments }
GOOOOOAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!
If that first half couldn’t get you into soccer, nothing will.
A-Wood, I couldn’t have said it better myself. For all the “They never score” people, what a half! 2-1 after 18 minutes…it doesn’t get any more high scoring than that.
The whole “They never score” thing just is another ignorant way to say it’s different than the sports American’s are used to. I love it – each goal is so exciting and meaningful. Changes the game entirely. Awesome.
The hole they don’t score thing is stupid. Nobody complains when an NFL game is 21-14, but really it’s only 3-2, if you only count the touchdowns or goals scored. And everybody a love a 2-1 baseball game, its called a pitchers duel.
It really is moronic.
D-Wade’s Dunk over Erika Dampier or waiting all game for a goal? Tough choice.
It’s not moronic at all – in football and baseball, there’s the need for first downs and movement down the field and/or three outs (or strikes) that signify short term goals. There’s a sense of moving toward something and success/failure with each play, even if there’s no score.
With soccer, it’s just “roll it out there” and watch the time go by.
Football and Baseball are as lame to watch as Soccer.
Comments on this entry are closed.