We truly love every one of them, even though 85% are some variation on “you were really funny for like the first 3 weeks I read, and then it just kinda got old.”
(The one dude who sends that every week with new wording is the best – he’s creative.)
Anyway, every now and then, we get one we can actually use to generate content – those are quite the bonus, especially in the hell of the offseason, on a day when Life Cereal calls in sick due to “heat exhaustion”.
As many of you know, Stephon Marbury is on a press tour for his new $15 shoe. The following speaks for itself.
In terms of Stephon’s food request for the trip, there were no Funyuns available (none until Friday, probably). The following items have arrived and are in the warehouse in Recruitment’s section (ask Regina of the whereabouts if I’m not around):
4 – regular sized bags of Cooler Ranch Doritos
4 – regular sized bags of Nacho Cheesier Doritos
4 – regular sized bags of Spicier Nacho Doritos
9 – regular sized bags of Mesquite BBQ Kettle Cooked Lays
12 – packages of Pepperidge Farm Choco Chip Cookies (Sausolito or Tahoe Chunky)
72 – bottles of 24oz Poland Springs Water (six packages of 12 in each package)
3 (or 4..) – large 1-lb bags of Skittles
4 – large bags of individually wrapped Twizzlers (each bag has a bunch of snack-sized individually wrapped Twizzlers)
The location, again, is in the Warehouse. Come find me and I’ll lead you to them. If you need more items, we need to place the order by 9pm tonight in order to have it shipped from 9-11am tomorrow morning.
Also, please be sure to let me know whether or not the luggage bags got there so that I can call the vendor up if something went wrong.
Where to begin…where to begin…?
The Funyons? The fact they couldn’t find the Funyons? Damn it, Regina! Where are you when the $15 shoe guy needs his Funyons!?
Moving on, we see that Steph apparently likes to go through a progression in terms of Doritos intensity. He starts slow and mild, and moves his way up to the Spicier Nacho flavor. (No doubt cursing the lack of Funyons the whole way.)
Then we get to the ever-lovable Pepperidge Farm Choco Chip Cookies (Sausolito or Tahoe Chunky), which surely means Stevie Franchise is stopping by for an appearance, yes?
Skittles, Twizzlers, blah, blah, blah – where the Yoohoo and “vat of hot fudge”? What’s funny is this arrived the same day as this big article on the Knicks’ strength and conditioning program.
(Apologies, by the way, for never creating a Stephon Marbury category before now. We missed it for whatever reason. We’ll go back and rearchive one of these days, because there’s plenty of Steph in said archives.)