Dikembe Mutombo is blocking shots

It is with not-so-great pleasure that we announce Mr. Dikembe Mutombo’s ascension to #2 on the list of all-time shot-blockers.

We say this for one reason, and that reason is that we needed a dramatic yet ineffective way to open this post. Success is ours, once again.

The 40-year old man did it last night in a blow-out of the Lakers, and he added 19 rebounds, as well. It’s a recent resurgence that few predicted and many are amazed by.

That amazement spreads to the man himself.

“When I came into the league 16 years ago, I told myself that I just want to be remembered for one thing,” Mutombo said, “just to be one of the great defensive players to ever play this game.”

“It’s amazing, just the way I’m playing,” said the 7-foot-2 Mutombo. “Even to myself, I’m sitting down like, ‘Whoa, is Mutombo really playing like that?’ I haven’t seen myself jumping for a rebound like that for a while.”

Getting past the idea that third-person Dikembe is having out of body experiences during games for a moment, let’s take a look at the true meaning of this accomplishment, and also the true meaning of Christmas.

3,191 blocks is more than Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Christmas is the day that Zeus knocked up that fairy down in the city.

The result was the baby Hay-zeus, who travels the Earth every year from December 12th-24th, handing out presents from his magical Presentmobile. Along the same lines, Dikembe does not have as many blocked shots as former Rocket Hakeem Olajuwon, which is exactly the same as the Christmas story.

In conclusion, Kobe pulled his groin last night, and that’s not good. In other Laker news, the “get Webber” thread is only up to eleven pages on LakersGround – far behind our prediction of 73.

This post was brought to you, and inspired by, the mind of Drew Gooden.