Kwame Brown is misunderstood

by The Cavalier on January 19, 2007 · 10 comments

We’ve received more emails about the Kwame/Cake story than any other since the whole Roundie/Scoop thing. (It’s actually not even close, but hey, it’s a lot.)

That tells us we’re giving people what they want, and also that there’s to much here to just let it go away.

We have our own ideas about how to perpetuate the thing, including one that will be “gold” if we can complete it.

In the meantime, we’d like to open the doors to you to contribute your own ideas about what happened in “The Case of Kwame Brown and the Birthday Cake”. Here’s an excerpt from a just-read email from our official legal correspondent. (BTW this is some great lawyering right here!)

i measure my favorite funny stories in life with a single question: “if i was given the opportunity to travel back in time and observe one single funny incident, would [insert story here] be under consideration?”

and i can tell you, without doubt, that the entire “cake caper” (and, yes, i’ve considered it: it was a caper) would rank very, very highly on the list. thank you for letting the world know.

however, like that dodge ram “rock ‘em sock ‘em robot” commerical, this story leaves so many questions unanswered that i am going crazy thinking about it:

if you were leaving your own birthday party, wouldn’t the cake have been eaten by then?

if it was 2×2 feet when he left, was it substantially larger earlier?

how does one know the cost of one’s own birthday cake? (i’m thinking this guy bought it for himself and probably threw himself a birthday party in which nobody came so he had a full cake to take home: a red flag, indeed).

why was the cake on the man’s back? was he running away? did kwame at first merely threaten to assault him with it?

why did he go to odom for help? how did he expect odom to help exactly?

how exactly does one’s “confusion” lead to a “misunderstanding” where you decide to throw a cake at someone?

if one is intending to hit someone with a 2×2 foot cake, how does one “miss” the intended target?

can i make fun of someone who is so stunted mentally they think throwing a cake would be funny if i have spent 24 hours laughing my ass about their decision to throw a cake?

as you can see, the questions are endless.

the solution, though is simple: the yaysports 2007 kwame v. cake fan fiction contest. i know little about cake, and even less about the nba, and nothing about humor. but somebody out there must…and i won’t let you let this story die. it’s too fucking good.

Well, hopefully those rules are clear enough. Try to keep them under 500 words, unless you’re really writing an opus and need more.

Winner gets a Kwame vs Cake t-shirt, a WSM? DVD (when it’s done), and endless glory.

(Another (very special) reader pointed out that we may have missed the train on the t-shirts by a day. Well dear…this will never die, as far as we’re concerned. Ever, ever, ever. Beside the whole Kwame/cake thing, we’ve got French Ronny on the scene. It’s like nirvana.)

Don’t forget the shirts!

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The Kings are IMPLODING at YAYsports! NBA
January 21, 2007 at 2:06 am


1 becky January 19, 2007 at 3:35 pm

See? That was all you needed. This thing now has at least another few weeks of steam.
Also, I just really love cake. I always knew you had it in ya.

2 Brandon Dean Price January 19, 2007 at 4:25 pm

I wish the birthday guy was Zack K, and the cake said something real generic like “Go Mavericks”, and then he tried to eat it afterwards

3 zack k January 19, 2007 at 5:19 pm

me too…mmmm cake yummy

4 Lucas January 19, 2007 at 6:23 pm

Mavs suck, go SUns!

5 The Cavalier January 19, 2007 at 7:27 pm


6 Jeff Leppard January 19, 2007 at 7:49 pm

Is there any truth to the rumor that, for a nominal fee, Kwame will come to your birthday party and smear cake on the confused friend of your choice?

7 midwestcoastbias January 20, 2007 at 12:44 am

I’m going out on a limb here and guessing that Becky is the official legal correspondent…:-p Seriously, though, those are some great questions, I need to get myself an official legal correspondents. So how long until “The Cake’s Revenge” movie gets made?

8 Detroit Chris M January 20, 2007 at 1:42 am

I hope somebody throws a cake at Ron Artest when he comes to the Palace.

Go Pistons!

9 becky January 21, 2007 at 10:46 am

Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts.
Cake, the NBA, and humor are the only things I know a LOT about. So clearly, it could not be me.

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