Richard Jefferson has a black eye

As if the Nets didn’t have enough awesome gossip problems with the Jason Kidd divorce saga and the “Vince Carter starting in the All-Star Game over Gilbert Arenas” fake controversey we’re trying to start, now forward Richard Jefferson is throwing in with his own drama.

Apparently the assembled media were wondering where Richard went after a game against Toronto earlier this week, partially because he was excused from practice the next day.

We say “partially” because when RJ resurfaced, he showed up with a black eye – one he claims he got in the Toronto game.

When called upon to explain the situation, great offense was taken by the lad.

“[When] all of a sudden I get people writing stuff about what I did the night before, where I was and what was going on, I take that as a personal attack. I’ve been open with you guys as much as you possibly can. But when somebody writes something like that, how can you not take it as a personal attack? I said I hurt it in the game. People are calling me and asking, ‘Did you and one of your teammates get into a fight?’

“I got people calling me. My mother’s calling me and my agent’s calling me,” continued Jefferson, staying calm but visibly trying to control his emotions. “It was nothing. It’s not like I got punched by Mike Tyson. I just feel disrespected.”

Hey, a lot of people would feel good to have agents and mothers calling them not everyone is so lucky as to have those things, let alone have them nagging you.

And what’s with all the emotion? It’s not like there are rumors floating around about why you might be such an emotional type.

Just explain how and why you got the black eye, and stop making up stories about “getting it in a basketball game”. There’s nothing to be gained by trotting out such likely scenarios.

Tell us you got it while you were were out drag racing your car after you drank seven 40s of King Cobra, and the winner of the drag race would get to make-out with the big hunky man who runs the underground drunk drag racing circuit. That’s something the media can grab hold of and believe in.

Besides, your team is finally starting to win – hell, you’re almost to .500 and everything. This is the time to embrace your inner homosexual drunk drag racing self. It’s what makes you special and unique.

(That kissy thing Kidd does on his free throws – that’s to his wife, right? How cool would it be if instead of the kissy thing, he would just gnaw and chew on his hand a bit?)

((Regarding the link in the previous parenthetical – why are the Nets running 9th grade biography essays on their website?))