(The start of this post was written before the end of this post, but had we known that the end of this post would be what it is, the start would’ve been much different. No reason to mention all this except to apologize for the sudden change in direction post-blockquote.)
Of the three (3? C’mon!) people that sent in answers to our five questions about the Bulls-Heat game last night, two of them sent the answers before the game actually took place.
This is, as they say, against the rules. Luckily, Sam from 5-Point Bucks was on the job, and semi-timely, ie “within 24 hours”.
Here’s the intensive, inquiry-filled answers to our questions about the CHI victory – the one in which Ben Wallace went down with an ouchy on his knee.
1) How large is Shaq? Please describe him in one sentence, and somehow reference “flapjack buffets”.
Shaq did not play; instead he sat on the bench in a powder-blue suit which did not appear to be stained from all the boisenbarry syrup he used at the various flapjack buffets he attended around the city of Chicago.
2) If the Bulls had Pau Gasol, would the outcome of this game have been different? How so?
The outcome would not have been that different. The Bulls guards-Hinrich and Gordon-were just running the Heat ragged all night, helped by the fact that Dwyane Wade was forced to push Antoine Walker up and down the court on a stretcher in the first half.
3) After watching this game, what’s the first thing that comes into your mind if you hear the words “Ben Gordon”?
Scrumtralescent.
4) Does anybody have the right to be complaining about Dwyane Wade and the foul line this morning?
Actually Gordon got to the line more times than wade.
5) Jason Kapono – rate his “overall tan” on a scale of 1-10, and then his “reality of tan” on a scale of 3-6.
Overall tan-8. Reality of tan-5. He actually looks lighter in Miami than he did in Charlotte, judging by a quick google image search.
BONUS: Based on this game, how close is Coach Pat to returning to the Miami bench?
Way, way off. Shaq had to sit again. Until he’s putting up 20 and 10 again (read: never), Riley isn’t coming back.
Well, that all sounds good to us, but a large Shaq in a suit can still do one thing that no other NBA player can – catch the bad guys.
Turns out on his way home from that very loss referenced above, some young punks were cruising around and hit Shaq’s big truck.
Shaq and his bodyguard hopped in the big truck and tracked down the young punks, then told the young punks to shut up. And with that, all is forgiven – we love Shaq, even though his team appears to stink on a legitimate level.
You can read more from Sam from 5-Point Bucks at 5-Point Bucks, where Sam from 5-Point Bucks writes about the Bucks.
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