Bill Simmons is talking LeBron
Published by The Cavalier February 26th, 2007 in NBA, LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers, ESPN, Scoop Jackson
(UPDATE: We’ll be gone all day Tuesday, so feel free to discuss Shaq’s 25,000th point and other issues in our absence.)
We know we emphatically stated that, in the name of fun and sanity, we were done being traumatized over LeBron and the Cavaliers, but there had to be one final word, didn’t there? Before you bother mulling that over, the answer is yes.
Luckily, ESPN’s Bill Simmons is having that word for us - as a nice companion to the excellent trade deadline scouring he gave the league’s GMs last week, he’s got another entire NBA column up today, and yes…he asked us to contribute regarding LBJ.
Now, just so you know, this thing was over 1500 words before we trimmed it down to 500. Because we know you’re dying to read the rest, here’s an excerpt.
And then, under no uncertain terms, I went to the store to buy some gum. I like gum. Gum is good, just like salads are good. Do you remember in the movie Speed (that’s the one about Neo on a FastBus) when Sandra Bullock was sitting with Cameron from Ferris Bueller and Cameron from Ferris Bueller was like bothering her, and so she took out the gum from her mouth and pretended it was on the seat, and then she was like “Gum. GUM.” He fell for it because he wasn’t from the big city, and therefore is naive.
That was the first time I’d ever heard about gum, and I was really surprised they didn’t have generic gum at the store. Like a black and white package that just says “Gum. GUM.” I assumed that’s what she was chewing, but then I realized it was just a movie, and it was probably prop gum, which means it’s like some combination of corn syrup and something else, which is what all movie props are made out of, including fake walls and explosions.
I live in Los Angeles now, and I rode the bus once, but I didn’t have a gum incident. I think I was the Cameron guy though, because I was talking to this one fancy city girl, and she pretended to sit on some taffy, and was like “Taffy. TAFFY.”
It went on and on like that, moving on through where Tom Hanks goes “I’ll be right BACK!” in Castaway, and finally ending with the LeBron commentary you see in the link above.
Our words, unfortunately, needed no adjusting after the game yesterday against the Heat. If anything, we’d go back and make everything sadder and angrier. One thing we left out that we’d like to include here:
Side note for those who claim the roster is the biggest problem in CLE: Damon Jones and Donyell Marshall were two of the top three shooters (%wise) in the NBA the year before they signed. You have two ways to go here, and I often find quizzes to be both fun and revealing. As such:
Under the tutelage of Coach Mike, Damon and Donyell:
a) Have, by complete coincidence, both forgotten how to shoot.
b) Are put in odd offensive positions, wherein they stand there for 18 seconds, get the ball with 2 left on the shot clock, and are forced to launch with their man all up in their junk.END of side note.
That would’ve gone right in the middle of the Coach Mike section. We think the current state of the Cavs reiterates this point. They’re 8 games over .500 in spite of their offensively inept coach and uninspired/bored/bored/bored/bored superstar.
Go backward to what Simmons himself said the other day that inspired all of this - we think our opinion on his opinion is clear. If you’re not clever enough to have figured out where we currently stand on LeBron by now, we’ll sum up in sentence the next.
As someone who’s missed watching only one game in LeBron’s pro career…Bill is right. If that means LeBron hates us, so be it. Try harder, yo.
Discuss.
(Note: This changes nothing, Mr. Scoop Jackson.)
70 Responses to “Bill Simmons is talking LeBron”
- 1 Trackback on Aug 25th, 2007 at 12:29 am
- 2 Trackback on Apr 5th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
- 3 Trackback on Apr 28th, 2008 at 6:12 am
LeBron and Wade are bourgeois. Don’t miss out on the real Phenom, Amare Stoudemire.
What frustrates me is that even in LBJ’s down year it’s probably inevitable that the Cavs get the No. 2 seed and advance to the Conference Finals, where, win or lose, the entire season will be re-written in the history books as “the year LBJ took the next step.”
Believe it or not, that frustrates me probably more than you.
It’s the giant circle of frustration yo
I couldn’t agree more with ya.
Part of me also wonders if he learned some ‘lessons’ from the Miami Heat last season. They only played hard for parts of the regular season and then turned it on for the playoffs. The Cavs fought tooth and nail for their 50 wins (probably over achieved a bit) and had a good run in the playoffs. The Heat took most of the season off (and aren’t even trying to hide it this season) and won the championship. The lesson: don’t try (during the regular season).
The East is weak, he’s tired for either legitimate (first time in the playoffs, he’s not used playing more than 82 games and then the Worlds) or illegitimate (weird/creepy Sprite commercials, Letterman appearances and comedy roasts) and he doesn’t have a teammate worth a damn (I hate Larry Hughes), so why not just turn it on for the playoffs?
Wow. It’s so easy to forget you can actually like WRITE. You rock my socks.
Does this mean the SG is a Roundie Henchman now?
Danny Ferry has to take some responsibility as well. His best (no-brainer) decision was drafting LeBron and re-signing Z was a huge mistake two summers ago. Hell, at the time I wanted them to go after Curry instead! I think Larry’s play would improve in a revamped offensive scheme…Frightfully enough, if D.Gilbert wants to keep LeBron in Cleveland past the next 3.5 years, he’s gonna have to make some executive decisions in the very near future.
Cavalier, great email. I have been screaming the same shit for the entire season. You did forget to mention how horrendous Larry Hughes has been: filth
Hughes last 3 game stat lines:
21-61 fg, 3-12 3pt, 4-9 ft.
33%, and i’m not talking a 4-12 bad breaks-off the rim nights. 61 shots, 3 games, 33%.
Danny Ferry has to take some responsibility as well. His best (no-brainer) decision was drafting LeBron and re-signing Z was a huge mistake two summers ago. Hell, at the time I wanted them to go after Curry instead! I think Larry’s play would improve in a revamped offensive scheme…Frightfully enough, if D.Gilbert wants to keep LeBron in Cleveland past the next 3.5 years, he’s gonna have to make some executive decisions in the very near future.
Good work as always, Cavalier
I agree with Lucas
Cardinal,
The only thing that’s gonna help Hughes is if we fast forward 3 more years so he can play for a contract. An up-tempo offense fits his style (whatever that is) but he
1. cannot hit a jumper to save his life (or his brothers apparently), so up-tempo or not up-tempo, it doesn’t mean shit
2. he would probably bounce the ball off his leg, smile, and get another tattoo.
3. would turn into Samuel Jacksons character in Unbreakable.
I too wanted Curry (so did Mr. Global)
If the BDP is back commenting, I guess it’s time for me to make my return. Are people forgetting that LeBron is only in his 4th year? Give the dude a break. They’ll probably end up in the conference finals anyway. Their main problem is a lack of point guard (which is crazy when you consider that LeBron has the potential to be the best PG in the game), a coach named Mike that kind of S-U-C-K-S. Also, whoever said Danny Ferry drafted LeBron is WRONG. Jim Paxson drafted LeBron.
We should Newble and Snow for Dwight Howard.
People keep saying the main problem is the pg. Yes, that is ONE of the problems. We have many problems (LeBoob, Larry HUGfuckinmistakeHES, Coach Mikey, Fairy, pg)
Man I love that Shaq / LeBron photo. Classic! Only thing missing is a wheel chair.
“Side note for those who claim the roster is the biggest problem in CLE: Damon Jones and Donyell Marshall were two of the top three shooters (%wise) in the NBA the year before they signed. You have two ways to go here, and I often find quizzes to be both fun and revealing. As such:
Under the tutelage of Coach Mike, Damon and Donyell:
a) Have, by complete coincidence, both forgotten how to shoot.
b) Are put in odd offensive positions, wherein they stand there for 18 seconds, get the ball with 2 left on the shot clock, and are forced to launch with their man all up in their junk.
END of side note.”
Your side note is dead on in one respect, they were good shooters % in the NBA the year they were signed. But let’s look at # and see what they’re being paid:
Donyell Marshall’s “top” year was the year before he left Toronto - 48% FG% and 40% averaging 39 minutes per game with the Raps. He was injury plagued his final season in Toronto and he shot 41% from 3 and 44% FG% and averaged nearly 5 points less per game… you would think you don’t need to pay that type of play $7mil per season, for 4 seasons. But ok…
Damon Jones was playing at a high level his final year in Miami, he averaged 11.6 points per game for Miami and started 66 games. All career highs… He should have been expected to start in CLE, at least that’s what he expected (hopefully) which is why he left Miami in the first place.
Then let’s look at the waste that is Larry Hughes… He’s been a bust since he was drafted. Even the season before he signed with CLE, he shot a robust 43%, and averaged 22 per game. He didn’t play the whole season, he hasn’t play a whole season since he was drafted. He was supposed to be a point guard in GSW! but he ended up wanting to shoot too much. He still shot 28% from 3 that season in Washington, and if I remember correctly he slashed to the lane a lot more than he does now.
Face it dude, you’re trying to make a good point about the players. But let’s all step back and look at the comment I left earlier last week. The team has had virtually the same talent for all 4 years of LeBron’s career. The team was at it’s best with Jeff McInnis and Carlos Boozer. The team has not gotten better, the rest of the East has digressed and the “upper echelon” teams have gotten older. The conference is in transition, and unfortunately it’s only a matter of time before Chicago takes over (unless my boys work some more magic like Dumars is capable of).
Dear Cav,
Now that I know you were LYING about your boycott (oh sweet deception), here’s a Q:
You harped and harped that More Boobie would = More Winningness. So now you’ve got More Boobie - OK, it’s a stupid nickname - now you’ve got More Gibson, and they still look about as consistent as…well, the Nets. What gives?
Sincerely,
Befuddled & Big Breasted in Brooklyn
Nicely done man, well said
It’s because there’s no movement on offense, ehich goes to LeBron and Coach Mike. When LeBron drives, everyone else seems to move also. When he stands around, so does everyone else.
The question then, is why is he standing - because Coach Mike wants him to or because he wants to, when Coach Mike is telling him to move? Either way, Coach Mike is incapable of making LeBron move, thus trapping Boobie and everyone else into the role of spot-up shooter.
And not just any spot-up shooters, either - we’re talking special “spot-up with man on you and 2 seconds on the shot clock” spot-up shooters! Those are hard to find - the Cavs have like 13 of them.
So the problem has nothing to do w/ the quality at PG at all. Interesting.
If you were going to answer me THAT quickly, you should have just signed onto g-chat…I still have another painful hour of class to sit through.
Okay I will.
Look how jealous Boney is!
Oh and I don’t absolve Coach Mike or lack of PG in any of this.
It’s just that if these are things LeBron is unhappy with, then he should be doing a Michael Jordan and winning whatever way he can, and doing it as hard as he can, rather than doing a Vince/Tracy, ie tanking.
The free throws really kill me, these are professional basketball players, converting at least 75% of their attempts (which more than half of the league manages to do) should be a point of pride. And those contested jump shots are having the totally foreseeable effect of making scoring even harder since referees are not going to reward that type of play and those misses often become fast-break opportunities. If the Cavaliers problems were difficult to diagnose, that would be one thing but these issues are glaring and elementary.
I’m starting not to believe Simmons when he says that he dossn’t really read blogs that much anymore. He’s said he likes TrueHoop, he asked you to contribute, and under the Bucks section of the new column, he made a Terry Stotts-Doc Rivers comparison, a comparison which I just made recently. You could click the link up there to read that but I zoned out while filling out “website” and accidentally wrote samkirchner.com. I think I’ll leave it.
Well, if no one else is going to congratulate you on your new big boy ESPN pants, I certainly will. Am I mistaken or is there a little extra give in the zipper area there? That’s comfort only the World Leader can provide.
I only hope they washed all the Skip Bayless out before you got them.
The sad thing is that Francis may actually help CLE. On paper, (or based soley on street cred,) a Francis Hughes LeBron combination should be unstoppable. But then again, there’s Mike just using me on the sidelines without a care in the world. Dude’s got some big ass teeth.
Come on tell the truth…you are both Brian in Cleveland and Matt in Long Beach….
Seriously, I wrote the definitive LeBron article months ago….shit
Really seriously, nice work.
Not so seriously, ‘Befuddled and Big Breasted in Brooklyn’? Wow
We’re still trying to figure out LBJ’s chiabeard
Jones, where you been man? I was waiting for YOU to start commenting again.
Its the other half of your picture that concerns me. Now, maybe its this talk of a crazy dominant paper line-up of Francis, Hughes & LeBron (lets add ‘Tione & Curry for All Time paper status) thats got me thinking backwards, but what if the Heat start tanking? They’re only 5 games above being in the bottom 5 of the league. No Wade. Shaq, Zo, Jones, & Payton are fading. Williams has been hurt all season. At first (and probably second) glance, the remaining schedule seems to work against this idea. But we work on third glance here. Half the games are against mid-pack East teams fighting for playoffs (Indy, Toronto, Washington, Orlando) and another sizable portion are against bottom feeders (Atlanta, Charlotte). They could surely lose most of the games against that first group, setting up some intrigue for second group. If they lose a handful against teams like Atlanta and Charlotte, the Heat are not only sliding back, but pushing those teams forward. Deepest draft in years. Wade with a summer of rest. Expiring contracts. Can we get a Van Gundy comeback?
And you thought Boney was the Piston fan with the sickest comments. Or maybe I’m just bored with how good the Pistons are.
Go Blazers.
Detroit Chris M
I’m not the Pistons fan with the “sickest” comments, I am the basketball fan with the more rational comments. You know, like “real life” scenario and problems??? It seems that we have some sort of disconnect still between what true value is and what “Cavalier value” is.
32 years old (at the time of signing) Donyell Marshall does not = $7M per annum
Damon Jones does not = roughly $4M per season
Larry Hughes has never = $15M per season.
The real life scenario is that the Cavaliers had a lot of cap room in the summer of 2005, they needed to fill it with something. So they grasped at what was available. Unfortunately the summer that they had cap space was possibly one of the weakest summers of free agency the NBA has seen in a while. Now granted, the free agency in NBA has changed since the new CBA was signed, but the summer they signed Marshall, Jones and Hughes that had to overpay because they were the only “true ballers” on the market. With no true talent to trade, it’s not like they could have made a deal to bring a big name and salary without having to give up LeToe.
Face it, the talent around LeTravel hasn’t gotten any better since he’s been in the league. They’ve had puzzle pieces leave on their own accord, and then replaced them with similar pieces (some past their prime). Like I’ve been SAYING, the upper echelon teams in the East are getting older and/or losing players because of salary so of course it’s only natural for teams like CLE to step up because they’re already there. They’re not really improving, they’re just there, in the EAST while the other teams come back down to earth. If you don’t believe my theory (see Indiana, New Jersey, even Detroit).
Oh and…
I wouldn’t have a problem with Donyell Marshall if he would make an attempt at looking like a grownass man and cut those stupid cornrows… he looks ridiculous. It looks even more ridiculous when a guy his size gets beat so bad on the low block also..
Nazr Mohammad - GO PISTONS!
is this the brian spaeth from ohio state circa 1995?
Yeah tis me. Are you the guy from that class I went to that one time?
Jones, you are quite correct on Paxson drafting LeBron. I completely missed there. I tried to salvage some positive for Ferry but woefully missed. On a side note though, why do I feel downright embarassed when the thought pops into my head that Isiah would have acquired better talent than Ferry at this point?
To be fair, Paxson did manage to unload Shawn Kemp and his $100M deal at 300+ pounds.
can you spell?
Dude - shoot me an email
yaysports@gmail.com
hilarious
Scot Pollard - GO CAVALIERS!
Chris Webber - GO PISTONS!
David Wesley - GO CAVALIERS!
Flip Murray - GO CAVALIERS and PISTONS!
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Amen
Is that the real Reese Witherspoon? I LOVED you in those 2 episodes you did for that show “King of the Hill”… Hank is my inspiration, but when you were on the episodes I wanted to let you know that I had my Utah Jazz practice shorts pulled down around my size 22 (hint hint) reeboks.
Becky still hasn’t added me as a friend on myspace, and that makes me sad. I’m the guy with the cute kitten as his pic
I have been a LeBron observer/fan since he was a tenth grader and I read a random article about how he dominated some big time summer camp and single handedly ended Omar Cook’s career. Once I started watching his games, it was hard not to fall in love with his unprecedented combination of athleticism and creativity on the basketball court. I’ve always had this sneaky suspicion though that he didn’t have the hunger, the almost maniacal ambition to decimate all challengers, the way the truly great athletes have (Jordan, Bird, Tiger, etc.) Then I caught the skills competition on All-Star Saturday and there was a moment that ended all doubt. Kobe had just finished his turn, and his low time assured that LeBron was eliminated. At that moment, Kobe was coming off the floor and I caught a glimpse of LeBron, sitting on the bench, laughing hysterically about god knows what, and I thought back to the old stories about Jordan. You know the ones about how it didn’t matter if he was playing a game of cards with his boys or having a shooting contest with some local beat writer; he wanted to demolish you. He wanted to humiliate you. This was what separated him from guys like Ewing and Barkley. The casual fan doesn’t realize this, but what made Jordan great was not how high he could jump, but that he was so consumed with winning to the point that it became some sort of psychotic obsession. LeBron doesn’t have this. He doesn’t want it bad enough. Its depressing to think that we’ve put all our hopes in a guy who turned out just to be a bigger, flashier version of Vince Carter.
What’s more depressing is how all these crap East teams think (and know) they have a chance at winning it all after Miami inexplicably won it last year.
BDP should co-write the YAY and talk about how much ass he gets.
Myself and the SP are seemingly kindred spirits
And I vow to never start a paragraph with “That said”
Tell you what - anyone who writes something between now and 6am tomorrow gets it posted. Must be timely, ie something that happened today or tonight.
“Is this the Brian Spaeth wanted for armed robbery in Reno?” :-p just kidding, let me do better than that. So today, I’ve had my radio stolen out of my car. It was in a garage next to my apt, and someone broke the window to get it. I neither had the garage shut nor the radio hidden (detachable faceplate); should I blame myself or figure it was one of those things? I’m not sure yet. In addition, today someone’s lost dog I tried to lure to me so I could return it choose to run into the middle of a busy street rather than visit me. There are two events that happened to me today. What I want to know is, how do those events compare to the NBA season so far?
How is it that you post at 10 am and at 4 pm yet your gone all day? Whats the big f’ing deal about this becky dude and his myspace? Aye you big fat mormon dude, you sir are a disgrace to the living Greg Ostertag. I’m sure he’s not as whiny or as faggy as you. No signs of the Cubanette groupies anywhere. They must be busy makin signs that read “Dirk, 4-the1 MVP”. Queers. I’m only on my 6th Corona. My apologies to The Cavalier and his innocent bystanders.
“You rock my socks.”—–”Befuddled & Big Breasted in Brooklyn”
^GHEYYYYYYYYYYY!
Love,
Tony P.
By the way, click on the name. Best Spurs blog anywhere. You know, our team. A team with actual talent and charisma. We may not have a 5′ 1″ black guy as our coach, we may not have a 7 foot pigeon faced German, we may not have a borderline cancer patient as back up point gaurd, we may not have a guy that likes to punch other guys in the balls, we may not have an over-paid center with zero talent, we may not have a homosexual owner, but gosh darn it we have a GREAT team.
P.P.S.—– Cavs > Nets. Oh it’s true, it’s damn true.
Tony a-speaka good-a english for a guy that can’t hit outside of 8 feet
Can someone give me the rundown of what the deal is with Tony Parker and what seems to be his feud with this site? Right now he reminds me of that retarded kid who works at McDonalds sweeping floors that screams out “Fire! Fire!” from time to time…..
TP I was able to be around a computer on and off, but not for a prolonged enough period to post anything suitable.
Didn’t we resolve that ‘Tony Parker’ was simply an alter-ego of the Cav’s?
“Tony a-speaka good-a english for a guy that can’t hit outside of 8 feet”
^Yeah that’s right, because Tony Parker from the San Antonio Spurs finds time to post on this site. That’s logical. He probably does speak it better than you type it tho. If you bothered to watch, you’d notice he’s hitting em pretty consistently from outside of 20. You’re probably too busy waiting tables at Denny’s or some shit to notice.
“Can someone give me the rundown of what the deal is with Tony Parker and what seems to be his feud with this site? Right now he reminds me of that retarded kid who works at McDonalds sweeping floors that screams out “Fire! Fire!” from time to time….. ”
^There is no fued, dork. I bet you flip burgers at that local McDonald’s where you’ve seen this “retarded kid”. That site you linked to sucks too, just so you know. Never have I felt stupider for clicking on a randomners name.
“Didn’t we resolve that ‘Tony Parker’ was simply an alter-ego of the Cav’s?”
^He wishes. Oh and I so like the other Pistons fans better. But not really.
“I constantly smell my hair. Yes, it smells good. No, you’re not funny. It’s L’Oreal Kids. Now go away. I hate hippies. Get a job. I hated “Rent,” and you don’t want to get me started, believe me. You’re not trying to write “one great song,” you’re trying to cash “one great welfare check.” Get a job. I may or may not be partially responsible for the phrase “bang this lady out.”
Ok, I concede. You’re a chick. You must be from the lower East side. I’m half ashamed to be from New York right about now. Study hard, cause those defense attorneys are vicious.
Thanks Tony, I’m happy to be tops in your books in some form. You caught me, I do work at McDonalds…Can I get you a Royale with Cheese or le Big-Mac?
Tony likes me better than all the other Pistons’ fans combined.
Tony, so this is why you keep leaving our bedroom to work on the computer! After reading this, I wish you had been cheating on me instead. Honey, I remind you of what you told me after my “teacher” comment. Your lack of intelligence should only be between us, right?
I’m ugly!
Why is my skin as thick as saran wrap?
At least you don’t have a turkey neck like I do