FIOS and BONEY are happy

Smile, and the world smiles with you.

This is a famous quote from ESPN’s Scoop Jackson, and clearly is something FIOS and Boney lived by during their Cavs-Pistons meeting a couple nights back. FIOS has finally sent his recap and pics, as shown below.

However, first we need to direct you to more evidence that LeBron was intentionally coasting the first 3.5 months of the season. Even though we’re back onboard Cavalier Airlines, the fact remains – if the kid ever wants to be MVP, he can’t do this. Not his early in the career – people don’t respect that, Bron.

Anyway, the FIOS recap.

My apologies for the delay, I had a long day at work and my usual 15 minute nap turned into a much longer nap.

The following report is plagiarized:

And that’s how we learned that Christopher Columbus was a Mexican man who floated on some corn stalks to prove the world is harp-like. (Whoops, accidentally plagiarized my book report for work … can you say promotion?)

Overall grade for the evening: A

The night began like so many others did as I (yet again) ignored e-mail pleas to save the polar bear. And, once again, that decision proved to be rewarding, financially.

Boney and I arrived to discover that one TV was tuned to the Cavs/Pistons and it was, by far, the worst picture in the place. A group that was there to watch the Sacred Heart/Central Connecticut game was given precedence. Seriously. They were rooting for Sacred Heart and they lost because god hates them and sacredness.

The thing that surprised me the most was to discover that Boney is, literally, a piston. I can’t even tell you how difficult this made it to convince the bartender that we were BOTH drinking. I was so impressed by his dedication that I ran out to my own car and ripped all of the pistons out. (It’s important to note here that I have no idea how an engine works.)

I won’t bother with a game recap save to say that when LeBron plays with aggression, he is unstoppable. That block in OT was nasty and I prematurely celebrated the win (loudly) when James hit the shot at the end of the 4th quarter. Hey, it happens to lots of guys my age. I can’t explain why I cried.

The Hughes-at-point-guard experiment seems to be working though I’m not giving it my blessing, he still took 16 shots and many of those were bad. But the team didn’t panic when they lost the lead in the 4th and didn’t get upset by the lopsided foul calls. (I did that for them.) The most terrifying event of the evening from my standpoint was seeing Damon Jones giving Mike Brown coaching advice. Make your own jokes.

Does anyone else feel that Brown reacts to foul calls like a guy who passed out sometime in the first quarter and is awoken by the booing? He knows he should be upset but doesn’t actually know why.

I felt like a mafia don since no less than three people felt it necessary to tell me they were rooting for the Cavs like this: “Hey man, just so you know, I am rooting for the Cavs.” Do I have to kill someone for these people now?

Boney and I had a very reasonable discussion about basketball, which is a dying art in this area. I discovered he and [and I?] worked at the same newspaper and he discovered I am a Kobe apologist. We discussed my stated desire to move somewhere besides Virginia (circa 1999) and, for the record, the Becky chat was me asking “So, is Becky hot?” and Boney replying in the affirmative. Also, my eyes are actually made of dreams (but not Tony Parker’s dreams … yuck) so to call them “dreamy” is objectively true.
I look forward to the sequel which, as we all know, is always better than the prequel.

FIOS, we love your wit, but you do realize that after stating you weren’t going to recap the Cavaliers, that’s exactly what you did, right?

Anyway, we’re intrigued by the idea of these summits – if anyone would like to submit themselves to one, please let us know, and we’ll see if we can arrange a playdate for you. All summits must be one-on-one, so as to be as awkward as humanly possible. Depending on the response to this, we may award prizes or something for doing certain tasks on the playdate.

Now, we need to let you know, from now until the Playoffs start, our availability is going to be in short supply, which means this place may be more Cavaliers-centric than ever, as we’re only going to be to follow so much NBA action.

Good day – may your weekend be as fun as Boney and FIOS’s playdate looks.

(To be fair, it appears Boney is juuuuust on the verge of smiling. Who took the picture, by the way? These are the details we want to hear.)