Which player’s magical powers are actually keeping this glowy ball afloat, and which is just using smoke, mirrors, and some sort of injected hand/eye-glow liquid to make it appear so?
The answer, friends, is that all of them are using the hand/eye-glow liquid – fooled you again. (Actually, we decided to siply remove their hands, which rednered the entire opening of this as completely misleading, and even destructive.)
Anyway, the Heat and Wizards met up last night, but before we get to the game, we need to give you your Gilbert Arenas update:
Chuck Klosterman writes what’s being touted as the definitive Gilbert Arenas profile.
TrueHoop Henry back-and-forth emails him, creating the definitive “Chuck Klosterman being interviewed about his Gilbert Arenas profile” interview.
The BOG gives the definitive Steinzian opinion, being that he’s convered his quirk-side probably more than anyone.
Okay, back to the game, which the Heat won by nine or ten or something. Lookit Shaq…the man put up 23 points or something, to go along with 9 rebounds or something.
This after everyone assumed both the Heat and Shaq were basically done in a post-Wade shoulder dislocation world. Or something or something or something.
“A lot of people don’t think he can play anymore,” [Coach Pat] said of doubts about his 35-year-old center. “They’re making a big mistake if he’s got his rhythm down there.”
Said O’Neal, “It’s coming back. If they’re not going to double, I’m going to take the shots. We’ve just got to play every game like it’s our last game. We just have to keep gaining momentum.”
That fine and all, but the real question is still whether Wade comes back or not.
As a true student of the Way of the Heat Handbook, Dwyane seemed to be hedging his bets during the champs’ White House visit yesterday, based on whether or not the Heat are really in this thing they call the postseason.
That fine Dwyane, but don’t expect us to get excited to ride the teeter-totter with you on this. Make a call one way or the other. Seriously, this Heat team is pretty sickening, and that doesn’t even include any commentary on Toine’s attac of the WH dessert buffet we heard about.
If they by some chance win it all again this year, we’re out. Shut down. Done. Ovah! (This has been a reversion to non-joy NBA, which we shall now conclude. Thank you.)
(Also – on Gilbert? We’d just like to point out we were right way, way, way long ago. Innocent, likable, but completely self-aware of it all. Not that that’s bad at all. He enjoys being famous and admits the fact. We love that.)
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