Dirk Nowitzki is the MVP

We’re watching the press conference on NBATV right now, and the announcer just said to the press, “When you have a question, raise your hand and we will pick on you.” That seems mean.

Dirk and Avery Johnson and everyone are smiling. Shouldn’t they be living in perpetual anguish until at least October? David Stern is now talking. (This wasn’t meant to be a live-blog type deal, but here we are.)

David trips up a little bit when explaining why the Mavs’ year was historic. He’s citing free throw stats as MVP-caliber accomplishments.

Avery Johnson just went to the stand – he says he’s excited. Holy…Dirk just kissed David Stern on the mouth. This is weird. Avery is going, “Oh man, look at that! They are really going at it! This is erotic!”

Mark Cuban looks a little freaked out by the whole ordeal – he probably didn’t think the whole thing could get more embarrassing, but now that Dirk and David Stern have made out, it’s a mess – they’re gonna have to trade him.

Speaking of Mark Cuban, he’s up to speak now – he’s pretty genuine and a little emotional. He’s proud. Damn, Mark is choked up for real. We like that guy – always have – we feel bad he’s going to have to trade Dirk for kissing David Stern on the mouth in his MVP ceremony.

Now up to the podium – Dirk Nowitzki, who is German and a power forward. We have no idea what he’s saying – the only accent we understand is the upper west-side of Akron, Ohio. He does say something about how he’ll always remember the good times on the bus.

UPDATE: They really are picking on the reporters – the moderator just said “What’s with your tiny hands??” to some Dallas newspaper jockey. Also, Dirk just emphatically stated that he hates all Latinos. This is a disaster!