Detroit is in Cleveland

Remember at the start of Rocky V when Stallone was all in the shower like, “Hnnnggghhh!!!” and his brain damage started?

That was apparently LeBron after his epic Game V, as he had to be hooked up to an IV.

“It was just a precautionary measure, our doctors and trainers thought just so he wouldn’t cramp up on the plane,” Cavs Coach Mike [redacted] said. “Because he was pretty taxed physically after that contest. With him being as young as he is and strong as he is, mentally and physically, he should be ready to go tomorrow night.”

Um, yeah – we’d think so, too. Somehow we can’t see “LeBron James – tired” showing up on the injury report tonight.

It’s all come so quickly, really. Game 6, we mean.

We were hating the 3 or 4 days between games earlier in the Playoffs, but now that this one is imminent, we’re honestly a little freaked out, even with Chris Webber (of all people) pulling out the trademark Detroit Piston arrogant guarantee.

How will we handle it? First of all, we’re shirking massive responsibilities in order to watch this live. Fielding phone calls from family and friends is necessary to avoid heart attacks both on their end and ours.

Other concerns include panic attacks, high blood pressure seizures, broken table glass, blowing out our voice box, and instantly developing stress-induced diabetes.

Don’t misunderstand either – these are the things that will happen if the Cavaliers win.

There’s no way to prepare how to handle such a thing, because we can’t even conceive of what it’ll be like if the Cleveland Cavaliers, our Cleveland Cavaliers, go into the Finals. At home, no less.

We don’t care what infamous commenter Tony Parker says – we will cry, and we’ll be proud to cry.

Analysis and such is useless, and not what you come here for anyway. Everyone knows what they need to do.

So…go Cavs. We think they’re gonna do it.

NOTE: Brian Windhorst notes in the link above that LeBron only needs 26 more points to be the all-time leader in CLE playoff scoring. Coach Mike already has the most coaching victories. Say all you want about Boston or LA’s storied histories, but…um. Yeah. Look, Mark Price was awesome, okay?

ANOTHER NOTE: Anyone else think the Magic giving Billy Donovan a massive six year deal to coach is a disaster in the making? Don’t they read the history books re: college coaches in the NBA? Maybe ORL should’ve kept the pan as GM.

LAST NOTE (until the next one): We had no idea the Indians were playing the Detroit Tigers in Cleveland tonight, as well. The city may very well explode.