Kevin Garnett is not Barry Bonds
Published by The Cavalier July 13th, 2007 in NBA, Minn. T-Wolves, Boston Celtics, Trades, Rumors, LA Clippers, Kevin Garnett, Baseball, Barry Bonds, Kwame Brown
Not to step all over Jack Cobra’s Friday toes, but we have to step in here and comment on two things - one on-topic, and one off.
First of all, the latest Kevin Garnett to Los Angeles rumor is as follows:
This rumor is flying around Celtic forums:
Wolves get: Andrew Bynum, Gerald Green, Theo Ratliff, Kwame Brown
Lakers get: KG
Celtics get: Lamar Odom
Look, the Timberwolves are not trading Kevin Garnett for Kwame Brown. Okay? This won’t happen. Even if another All-Star came with the deal, we refuse to believe even Kevin McHale is that stupid.
Kwame Brown is not an “up-and-comer” (as one Lakersground fan put it), he’s not a competent player, and he’s not even reliable from a health standpoint. (He does have an expiring contract, but that’s not worth the humiliation of trading KG for Kwame Brown.)
Also, Pierce/Allen/Odom/Jefferson is…actually pretty decent. Lamar is at his best as a third option, which he would be in this situation. Hrmm…still not happening.
Anyway, to something totally different. Barry Bonds is closing in on the all-time home run record, and we must make a statement regarding his alleged steroid use.
Why? Because there’s a growing, “Aw shucks, maybe Barry is just misunderstood and put on 40 pounds of pure muscle at age 38. He’s a good guy.” sentiment seeping out here and there.
Read this twice, so it really sinks in:
If you think Barry Bonds didn’t use steroids and human growth hormone, you are stupid.
Seriously. We’ve never been 38 before, but as an avid fitness person, we can tell you with all certainty - putting on that type of weight, at that age, that fast, is impossible. A 16 year-old who’s just starting to lift could maybe do that if they ate 10,000 calories per day of chicken breasts, tuna, and oatmeal, but even that’s a stretch, and it would take like a year and a half.
We don’t care if he cheated - no big deal. People cheat all the time - we’d do the same thing for an extra $60M bucks. But don’t sit here and pretend he didn’t cheat - c’mon.
And yes, it’s cheating, even if it technically wasn’t “against the rules of baseball” at the time. Last time I looked, it was against US law, which in most cases supersedes the MLB rulebook. Unless you think professional baseball players are allowed to murder people. Y’know, because the baseball rulebook doesn’t specifically state that players can’t commit homicide.
NOTE: “Needles” rhymes with “dresser”.
25 Responses to “Kevin Garnett is not Barry Bonds”
- 1 Pingback on Jul 13th, 2007 at 11:19 am
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I’m thinking about going and hiding in a cave for the next few weeks so I don’t have to hear anymore about this guy….
as one of the 4.238 bonds fans left, i think he gets a bad rap, but he continues to perpetuate it. i don’t feel sorry for him, but it is SO obvious that certain sports types are looking for any and everything (such as the recent “he should/shouldn’t be an all-star ‘debate’) to use to piss on him that it gets on my nerves.
plus, even though he can clearly bench 185 lbs, his jump shot is terrible.
as for the trade talk, david stern is obviously pulling strings behind the scenes to make the lakers and celtics relevant again. the wolves will just be an innocent victim in the process.
Barry Bonds can’t even explain how it happened, he just ended up that way
P.S. I am in the yes, he cheated and, no, I do not care camp. Today is bobbing for words that rhyme with dresser day! I like camp!
when he finally hits number 756, he should release a DVD with a commentary track covering every homerun he hit.
“you see,” *looks into the camera* “right here was my first of four homeruns off of san diego pitcher, sam presser. when i went up, i knew i had to hit one, because his name rhymes with dresser. and baretta.”
I’ve maintained a steady “I could care less about Bonds either way” stance.
Yeah, he cheated. A TON of guys cheated. Always have, still do, always will.
I’m mostly just annoyed at the media’s refusal to let me enjoy my apathy.
APATHY.
Whoops, we thought you said apothecary, our mistake, we will be sending a Beretta shaped like a dresser as an apology
The thing is, I didn’t even notice all the rhyming because I was so into the story. I’d love to know how that happened - I’ll bet there’s no answer to such a complex question.
Bonds is pretty much everything that’s wrong with professional sports. Except for the homeruns - WHEEEEEEEE!
It wouldn’t be that big a deal if he wasn’t such a fucking jerk. Everyone STILL loves Mark McGuire.
I’m a bad guesser, but all this Bonds shit is a stressor.
More ninjas.
The ping-pongs ball were a disaster, altered by sports’ greatest oppessor NBA commissioner David Stern Hitler. After the lottery had transpired and hopes of Oden and Durant expired, the Big Ticket became our sole desire. Garnett nearly became a transfer, Boston-bounded with Jefferson as his successor. Danny Ainge was the suitor and aggressor. But KG acting as assessor and believed this move was improper, and deemed a Phoenix deal the better and Boston the lesser.
None of those words rhyme with Mike Bibby
So…..November 7? Is this a clue? Say it is, Cav, say it is.
i think that’s november 2007.
november almost rhymes with dresser.
i like what becky said. i’m also apathetic about KG trade talks.
Anybody got a peanut?