WHO SHOT MAMBA IPHONE

Yi is a Milwaukee Buck

by The Cavalier on August 30, 2007 · 21 comments

The 14th biggest story of the offseason is over, as difficult-to-sign #6 pick Yi Jianlian has finally signed a deal to play for the Milwaukee Bucks.

Bucks GM and casual stand-up comedian (we can’t find the post to reference this, sorry) recently took a trip overseas to sway the man’s reps with his subtle wits and charms, and dear lord…it worked.

Of course, ESPN’s John Hollinger is declaring this development irrelevant, since Yi is possibly as old as 46, and he’s alos not very good at the basketball playing thing.

In summer league, when he played for Team China, Yi was a disaster. In five games, he had nearly twice as many turnovers (23) as baskets (13). He shot 25.5 percent from the floor, and he was much less productive on the glass than he’d been at the world championship, averaging just over a rebound for every six minutes.

In case you’re not stat-savvy like we are, that translates to two rebounds every twelve minutes, three every eighteen minutes, and if he played a whole game, Yi would have 19 rebounds and 33 points, to go along with his 12 assists.

How this becomes “can’t play basketballing good”, we have no idea. Go Bucks, etc.

More exciting than any of this international intrigue are the rumors/analysis that LeBron James has done some tweaking to the old jump shot. He shot 11-11 in lasterday’s tourney game, and by many accounts is showing improved (and consistent) form.

When exactly he did this work is unknown, but if it happened, it happened. If it’s true, we may be able to survive as an NBA fan – add in perhaps some hoped-for “killer instinct by osmosis” from Kobe, and LeBron may be watchable this upcoming season.

In case that weren’t enough excitement for you, we’re officially starting a new club here on the site – The Anti-Mamba Revenge Squad. This would be for any of you who continually talk trash and exhibit a lack of faith regarding WSM?.

How do you get into such a group? Two ways – you either declare yourself a member, or you litter the comments sections with your snide declarations that we’re full of ish. Your membership is both easy to use, and will also be torturously embarassing when the film arrives, be assured.

Can you guess who the first member is?

UPDATE: Here’s a more in-depth analysis of the new LeBron jumper.

{ 3 trackbacks }

Yi is a Milwaukee Buck | Sports news and rumors
August 30, 2007 at 8:16 am
Yi is a Milwaukee Buck | Sports news and rumors
August 30, 2007 at 8:55 am
Cheap percocet.
April 5, 2008 at 3:46 am

{ 18 comments }

1 Jack Cobra August 30, 2007 at 9:19 am

Boney or Jordi…Boney or Jordi….which will it be? 3-2 odds on the Bone-man, 3-1 on Jordache.

2 Boney August 30, 2007 at 9:37 am

it’s me. :(

The Cavalier loves all his readers except me. That’s ok, once I’m gone, I’m gone!

3 The Cavalier August 30, 2007 at 9:38 am

Nah, you’ll be back.

4 roger August 30, 2007 at 10:06 am

Tweakage has happened. He was jumping – get this – forward on the jumper yesterday. He dominated those Uruguayan midgets something fierce.

Is WSM? a metaphor for Christ/the rapture? Perhaps a commentary on the Left Behind series?

” . . . we’re officially starting a new club here on the site – The Anti-Mamba Revenge Squad. [i.e. the unsaved] This would be for any of you who continually talk trash and exhibit a lack of faith regarding WSM?. [i.e. sin/snort blow]”

“. . . you either declare yourself a member [cult anyone?], or you litter the comments sections with your snide declarations that we’re full of ish [deny the existence of God/WSM?]. Your membership is both easy to use, and will also be torturously embarassing [left behind] when the film arrives, be assured.”

Then there are the continual promises that we’ll “be back” [ultimate redemption?].

If so, let me know. I only donated 10 bucks towards the movie.

5 The Cavalier August 30, 2007 at 10:24 am

It’s all quite deep, yes.

6 Jordi August 30, 2007 at 10:32 am

In order to score 33 points on 25.5% shooting, Mr. Hollywood, Easy Yi would have to shoot 40-something threes or 50-something field goals and a free throw. Not good.

But wait, I am confused. Several, scratch that, like 2 posts ago, you said not to attack Boney but that you deserved our scorn. Scorn was delived and now non-believers are to be isolated from the rest with little AMRS badges. Nay, I say, nay.

7 Jordi August 30, 2007 at 11:03 am

By the way, I am a believer. See I have figured out the Cav. It’s deeper than religion. There is a hint in each post. Today for example, speaks of Yi which in turn references Chinese basketball. Well, dragons are prominent in China, right? The Dragons are also the name of the basketball team on which Mick McAllister played.

8 Jordi August 30, 2007 at 11:11 am

And that movie was all about animals and basketball, too. So see?

9 The Cavalier August 30, 2007 at 11:13 am

I’m glad someone is thinking!

10 Boney August 30, 2007 at 11:14 am

I will wear my badge with honor. As the 1st member of the AMRS, I demand replies from those that have since left this site after losing interest since WSM? was never released!

We shall stand upon the rooftops and yell our displeasure with The Cavalier and his broken promises… WE SHALL OVERCOME, WE SHALL OVERCOME, I HAVE A DREAM!!!!

11 Frank August 30, 2007 at 11:30 am

Is it ok to be excited about the movie but bored with the blog? I’m Switzerland.

12 Det. Columbo August 30, 2007 at 12:07 pm

Steven Segal shot mamba. He was listening to “Night Moves” by Bob Seger while doing it.

CASE CLOSED.

13 Frank August 30, 2007 at 12:12 pm

Motive?

14 Boney August 30, 2007 at 12:17 pm

yo, if any Bob Seger songs are part of the soundtrack = instant hit, and Boney would re-join the bandwagon.

15 The Cavalier August 30, 2007 at 12:35 pm

Boney that assumes you’d be allowed back on the bandwagon. The whole point of the AMRS is pretty much that you’re wearing a scarlet letter forever and always.

Frank as for your question – absolutely! If you can’t tell, that’s where I’m at!

16 Boney August 30, 2007 at 12:43 pm

if a scarlet letter is forced upon me then I will forever be too embarassed to come back and comment…

it’s a shame it has come to this

17 Jordi August 30, 2007 at 12:59 pm

I think Boney thought I would be there in AMRS with him. Unfortunately for him I am busy using my Google-Fu to find a someone who falls behind featuring what Marconi played. Yup, it sucks to be Boney.

18 mcbias August 30, 2007 at 3:59 pm

Great points Roger. So I assume, then, that Mamba, although apparently dead due to a head wound, will resurrect? And the only question is, is it a real resurrection…or did Mamba, that Great Snake, ever die at all?

Oh, and yes, I believe in the Cavalier’s snake movie, just as I believe I’m going to get off my procrastinating hindquarters and get work done today. Both are optimistic beliefs that fly in the face of a proven track record, but I will cling to both, just the same.

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