Gilbert Arenas is at war

by The Cavalier on October 22, 2007 · 37 comments


Instead of mourning the Indians loss in Game 7 of the ALCS***, we’re going to move back to the NBA and something more fun, ie Gilbert’s latest blog entry.

(Is he just “Gilbert” now btw? Has he reached that status, or only with us?)

It’s a classic.

We’re going to skip over the part where he talks about putting socks on before getting out of the shower (which we’ve been known to do, so we totally “get”), and move ahead to the Wizards’ point guard’s ongoing prank battle with a couple of the team’s rookies, Dominic McGuire and Nick Young.

After a series of thefts, tire-flattenings, car paintings (read it – seriously), they moved on to a full-blown paintball war. Now, the entire write-up is fun stuff (With an actual message at the end!), but this particular passage is what struck us the most funny.

We all went to the store like Sports Authority and bought all these paintball guns, like eight or nine new ones (because I already had three), then we bought the CO2 cartridges and like 12,000 paintballs and I even bought a couple paintball grenades.

We tried to make the teams fair.

It was Nick and Dominic and then Nick recruited last year’s rookie, Andray Blatche. I thought Andray had enough of the pranks, but I guess he didn’t. Andray brought his two friends, to make it five on their team.

My team was me, my friend John and three guys who were at my house hooking up stereo equipment.

That made us do a real-life LOL.

That’s gotta be the most random thing ever, and sounds like something right out of Seinfeld. Like you’re at Gilbert’s house doing your job, and all of a sudden he storms in and is like, “You three. Come with me.”

“Yes, Mr. Arenas? Is there a question?”

“No – I need you for a paintball war. Here’s some helmets.”

Gil doesn’t have time to mess around – he just grabs the guys running wires through his walls and goes to war. We love it.

***Okay, fine – here are our thoughts. Cleveland better stop giving EVERYTHING names.

This doesn’t deserve one. It’s not “The Collapse”, and calling it that cheapens the glorious burden our city carries. (Just like the Cavaliers Finals loss to the Spurs wasn’t “The Sweep”.) Here’s why:

1) The vast majority of people picked the City of Boston Red Socks – they were heavily favored to win in 5 or 6 games.
2) This is a young team that quite obviously cracked under the pressure. They had a great year, and will use this as a learning experience for next year.
3) At no point (before, during, or even after) did any Cleveland fan we talked to lasterday expect them to win Game 7.

Therefore, while it sucks that they lost, this wasn’t one of those soul-killing, last-second, how-did-that-happen, this-was-supposed-to-be-our-year, and/or we-were-heavy-favorites type of deals. That’s Red Right 88, The Fumble, The Shot, The Drive, and whatever-they-call-Game 7-of-the-97 Series.

This was a loss. A tough loss to take, but not worth of a name, or attributable to any kind of curse on the city.

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Gilbert Arenas is at war | Sports news and rumors
October 22, 2007 at 9:58 am


1 Boney October 22, 2007 at 10:04 am

I think, “The Choke”, fits best for this series. Up 3-1, Game 5 on your home field and your boys get spanked. Up 3-2, against a tired Curt Schilling (I mean tired like old, not tired like sleepy), and your boys get spanked. Last night, tied 3-3, every ball hit off of Westbrook was an absolute seed and the “best CF in the AL” can’t get anything more than a nubbins bunt single and “Pronk” suddenly can’t hit a 90 mph heater.

“The Choke” name should be applied because they were 1 game away, and they had 3 chances to win it and 2 of the chances they had their “stud” going on the mound. Perhaps Paul Byrd should’ve started one of those games, we know he’s playing legit baseball right now.

2 The Cavalier October 22, 2007 at 10:12 am

Um, a Detroit fan is hardly qualified to determine something like this. It’s not a statistical/analytical decision, either.

3 Jordi October 22, 2007 at 11:45 am

Nope … the Choke was the 2004 ALCS. Or this year’s NL East race.

This was “The ESPN and MLB needed big name recognition so they willed the Red Sox to win” ALCS.

4 Wozzλ October 22, 2007 at 1:13 pm

Am I messed up for thinking it’s messed they brought Blatche into a paintball fight? I mean, he was *actually* shot a couple years ago.

5 Jeremiah October 22, 2007 at 1:53 pm

At the end of the game when they didn’t go into their locker room and were just sitting in their dugout watching the Sox celebrate I was thinking, that’s pretty hard core, they could just go back into their locker room, get dressed and go home, but they didn’t. They watched it all and took it in; more than likely storing up competitive fuel to drive the rest of their careers. I’m not an Indians fan but that’s pretty cool.

Two questions…

1) Why is crying ok in baseball after loosing but in football or basketball it’s not? Is baseball a less “manly” sport? Cause dudes were crying in that dug out and no one mentions it but when Matt Leinart or Adam Morrison did it was like a big topic and I’m not saying it should be but why does baseball always get the crying game pass?
2) Is baseball the only sport where the two teams don’t meet at center field to shake hands and say good game. They do it in basketball and football…I don’t watch hockey so not sure there but in baseball the winning team meets at center field, forms a line and high fives each other. Kinda weird compared to the other sports, what’s up with that?

6 STILLAJEW October 22, 2007 at 1:56 pm

He forgot to mention ASU football #4 in the nation, represent!

7 Boney October 22, 2007 at 2:01 pm

how about the fact that I’m going to blame Adam Morrison’s torn ACL on his smoking AND dip using!?!?!

8 Frank October 22, 2007 at 2:17 pm

Definitely not worthy of a name. Just a good run with plenty of hope for more next year.

The Choke is a good name for Detroit’s season though.

9 grifter October 22, 2007 at 2:26 pm

people didn’t laught at adam morrison and matt leinart because they played basketball and football.
they laughed because they’re adam morrison and matt leinart.

10 Boney October 22, 2007 at 2:27 pm

nice Frank, I figured you’d chime in sooner or later. What say you about my prediction of Curtis Granderson being a better CF than lover boy Sizemore?

The Choke isn’t a name for Detroit’s season because you see, all the injuries Detroit had this year were to key players on the team. When 1/5 of the rotation is out until July, and then goes on the DL again… when your opening day starter has elbow ligament issues… when your 3rd batter has shoulder issues… when your set up man (who urinates all over anything that CLE has in the bullpen) blows a ligament in his finger and is ineffective all year… that can’t be called a choke.

Besides, CLE was supposed to be the best team in the AL right? Tied for best record in the AL? Then their stud pitchers got their asses worked. Choke, with a capital C.

11 Jordi October 22, 2007 at 2:33 pm

Boney, if the Tribe choked, what did the Mets do?

Jeremiah, the Cardinals and Dodgers actually did the meet and shake hands thing in the 04 playoffs, I think. I think baseball should do it more often. All the other sports do it.

12 Ben October 22, 2007 at 3:23 pm

Agreed. No name (and no to “The Sweep” as well). And actually, I feel that the 1999 ALDS was a bigger choke job.

I noticed the Tribe watching the celebration as well and I was somewhat pleased. Soak in the shittiness boys and make sure you don’t feel it again.

For what it’s worth, I like to refer to 1997 as “The Mesa”

13 Tony Parker October 22, 2007 at 3:25 pm

Look, far be it for me to come out of semi-retirement to try and sympathize with a city of losers cause i’ve never had to experience it being a Spurs fan. I’ll let the d-bags in Chicago handle that. It’s just this tired routine of phrases like “They had a great year, and will use this as a learning experience for next year” that pisses me off. To quote the great Jim Rome, “I mean, are you kidding me?” Ask the Cubs how that worked out a couple years back. Ask the Suns how they’ve been using that same phrase since ’03. Better yet, ask Mr. “Predictions May Vary” himself on your very own blog how that worked out this year for his Chicago Bears. I hate playing second fiddle to anyone, but Boney’s right. They choked. Unlike Boney at a buffet table.

“Just a good run with plenty of hope for more next year.”

^You suck and youre probably poor. Run around real fast in the rain then do some pull-ups on power lines. Late.

14 Jack Cobra October 22, 2007 at 3:32 pm

Tony…they are letting you have an hour of computer time while you are in the clink? Nice work. Must have been tough to accrue all that good behavior time.

15 The Cavalier October 22, 2007 at 3:35 pm

He says “late” – just like Jim Rome! Neat!

16 Tony Parker October 22, 2007 at 3:49 pm

“Tony…they are letting you have an hour of computer time while you are in the clink?”

^Another one of your predictions and assumptions that don’t pan out. I’m sure your lunch break at Foot Locker is over by now.

“He says “late” – just like Jim Rome! Neat!”

^I was using it way before I gave a schiit about a Jim Rome. Ask around. They’ll tell you. I also used “Done.” “Blap.” and “o0ut”. Nice to see you’re a fan though. Cleveland callers are great at getting run. Maybe they should manage the Indians.

17 Frank October 22, 2007 at 4:11 pm

Tony. You use as many. Periods. As Jim “Dead Air” Rome. Does verbally.

Sorry, I don’t get all bent out of shape when my team loses. It sucks, but my heart shall go on.
San Antonio? Where is that anyway? You root for a basball team down there?
I like running fast though, and sometimes pullups. Time of day is not important to me. You sure do sound like a real winner though.

Boney, it wasn’t a choke. It was a team that’s not there yet. Just not good enough. Did the Red Sox choke when CLE beat them 3 games in a row? (Paul Byrd!) Maybe it’s semantics.

You’re right about the Tigers, though. They were just lucky last year.

18 Jack Cobra October 22, 2007 at 4:18 pm

Another one of your predictions and assumptions that don’t pan out.

Tony, if you haven’t figured out by now none of my predictions and assumptions pan out. I’m pretty consistent that way. I know it and deal with it….

I don’t work at Foot Locker but I can afford everything in that store with my salary…that’s what you get when they don’t pay you by the hour

19 Tony Parker October 22, 2007 at 4:31 pm

“San Antonio? Where is that anyway? You root for a basball team down there?”

You know that one team that keeps winning championships while sweeping inferior teams lives down there. I’m not sure what they cheer for come baseball time “down there” (even though you don’t know where it is). Plus youre right, I am a winner. I succeed in everything while wide-eyed “aww shucks” optimists like you that play the lottery and eat healthy stay losing. 00out.

20 Jeremiah October 22, 2007 at 4:55 pm

That’s like the worst smack eva clone. Go read a phone book and enjoy San An population 3,232. Distinction: biggest dirt hole west of Tucson. You. Have. More. Periods. Than. A. Va. Gi. Na.

21 STILLAJEW October 22, 2007 at 5:02 pm

Hey Cobra…rack him. Some one errrr call errrr Jordi and get him to smack this frog Tony Parker. Hors.

22 The Cavalier October 22, 2007 at 5:57 pm

Tony you’re not even from SA? What’s your connection to the Spurs? Front-running?

Why is eating healthy cause for ridicule?

23 Tony Parker October 22, 2007 at 6:07 pm

Nice to see that in my time away I continue to generate hate from total nobodys out of the blue. It’s expected tho. Little rusty but aye…

“That’s like the worst smack eva clone. Go read a phone book and enjoy San An population 3,232. Distinction: biggest dirt hole west of Tucson.”

More Rome fanatics, who knew? Cool but if I read that phone book i’d still see all the ads your sister puts out for her “massage” service. “Jeremiah”? Yeah, me neither. But I guess if my mother named me such an atrocity i’d be upset too. By the way, I live in New York, so your dirt hole dig comes off lamer than you trying to pick up girls at the club rocking a comb over and shiny shirt while your 1996 Geo Metro idles in the parking lot. How about you post more often and up your rep points next time before you blindly call out a vet. The shameless audacity. You couldn’t carry my sweaty jock. Nullus.

24 Tony Parker October 22, 2007 at 6:13 pm

“Tony you’re not even from SA? What’s your connection to the Spurs? Front-running?”

Originally from SA, currently in NY, so I’m obviously a homer. But you already knew that. Eating healthy isnt cause for ridicule, but it is funny. I never eat healthy and I still look great, but i’ll refrain from posting my infamous ClubItUp pic. Your female demo might double.

25 Jesus October 22, 2007 at 9:25 pm

No, this is the funniest part:

“one the kids was a little too heavy. His name is Jamar. That’s ‘Dray’s cousin. Jamar couldn’t get over the wall because Jamar has been eating one too many Twinkies.

So Jamar got stuck in my yard with the five of us. We gave him the chance to walk out like a man, or cry like a girl. He did both. He cried like a little girl while he was walking and running while we were shooting paintballs at him.”

26 Jordi October 23, 2007 at 2:39 am

Jeez, 26 comments? And only like two have to with Gilbert “I steal other people’s jokes” Arenas and his penchant for shooting people.

Sometimes I like to think Tony Parker is like the Tony Parker so I can say “hey, ummm… what was it like to play with Nazr Mohammad and Rasho Nasterovic? And like does Tim Duncan always laugh when he is on the bench? And, oh yeah, ummm… umm….. Robert Horry, he is good, right?”

But like even though everyone hates him and he makes fun of Boney and Joey Gartensnake, it’s like cool he hangs out here when he is not making crappy rap songs.

Personally though, if I was going to use the name of a French man who had himself a hot little female number, I would call myself Pepe Le Pew, but maybe that’s just me.

27 Carlo October 23, 2007 at 6:53 am

Great, Tony Parker! The comment section should be fine during basketball season.


28 Boney October 23, 2007 at 8:06 am

Actually, beating the Red Sox 3 games in a series is called “winning a series” and to the Red Sox it’s called “losing a series”. When you lose 3 straight and you only need to win 1 to continue “winning a series” and you get your ass smoked all 3 games with 2 of your so-called “studs” on the mound? That’s a CHOKE.

Last year Detroit wasn’t “lucky”, you’ll find out next season how lucky they were when hopefully they’re healthy all season and Justin Verlander takes all the attention away from Buffet Sabathia and Fausto Carmona.

Have fun signing Sabathia to an extension this offseason!

29 Frank October 23, 2007 at 9:21 am

Sorry Boney, I couldn’t follow all that.

TP I am a poor optomist, and Cleveland makes you that way. But I think will be fun to watch the Indians again. And I do know San Antonio is somwhere in Texas and PeeWee Herman tried to find his bike there. There’s something you can hang your hat on.

30 roger October 23, 2007 at 9:35 am

I long for the day of Boney’s self-imposed ban.

31 Jeremiah October 23, 2007 at 9:50 am

I love the way he bashes on my real name as he ganks some frenchie riding the coat tails of an emotionless robot. And your smack is still weak, when I attack your dirt hole, it’s because it is the dirt hole you crawled out of. So my comment doesn’t really fall “lame” as you say, much like dissing a sister I don’t have. What’s next, fat jokes about my mom? Yeah that’s fresh. So just stop with the retro sister/mom smack from your vanilla ice albums old man, you’re embarrassing yourself.

And it’s not fresh or happenenin or what eva it is you old people say when you reqoute what someone else smacked you with before you respond. It’s a freakin blog, unlike writing in the dirt like people in San An do, IT WILL NOT BLOW AWAY, we can still read it, not necessary to retype it.

So go grab a crayon and scribble down your next smack in your Fresh Prince trapper keeper while trying not to beat your half cocked hand into your grubby David Robinson jersey. And it’s not retro if you bought it in 95…it’s old, like you and your Spurs. Damn, I feel like the bully beating up the retarded….errrr special kid.


Not rooks. Established on this Mecca Sept 2006, freshman year. DE represents.

32 STILLAJEW October 23, 2007 at 10:09 am

Disclaimer: The following is not smack, I’m not in the mood, just stating facts.

Dude, we are not new. We may not post every day, but I think once Boney makes fun of the fact that your a Jew that’s like trial by fire.

And Jeremiah got tore the F#%@ up by Cav our freshman year for making fun of the fact that Cav thought he invented photo shop.

From reading this website for a little over a year I can say the only people that can claim full time residency are Jordi, Cobra, The Don Mecca aka Cav, and Boney, though he claims to always be leaving for good. I can even think of four or five B list posters and your not even there. Stop acting like you’ve been on this site since 1978 with good stuff because it’s sad and weak.

We weren’t newbies smacking a Vet, we are Sophomores smacking a retarded kid that thinks he’s a Vet.

DE represent. Fin.

33 The Cavalier October 23, 2007 at 10:15 am


34 Boney October 23, 2007 at 10:55 am

Yeah Frank, of course you can’t follow it because you don’t want to realize that CC is going to potentially end up a casualty of a so-called “small market” team by next trade deadline if he doesn’t re-sign.

It’s not a trial by fire when Boney makes fun of you being a Jew. I kinda like jews, my balding Aunt is a jew and she makes some decent matzo ball soup… the only matzo ball soup I eat.

Believe it or not (because I know I have a strong legacy here), but I think Tony Parker was here even before my time. While my comment count may rival that of young Tony Parker, he is “original” according to my knowledge because he was here before I.

I do appreciate the love, and just so you guys know, my self appointed dismissal from this site was only in text format. Even though Cav knowingly backed out on something, we still love his site (less than Ghordi’s, but more than Jack Cobra’s because Cav knows a little more about baseball).

35 Jack Cobra October 23, 2007 at 11:31 am

So first there is Blog Suicide and then comes Commenter War I? Nice

36 Carlo October 23, 2007 at 4:52 pm

I better be a b-list-er or I’ll get fucking PISSED!

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