Dikembe Mutumbo is brushing his teeth

So in the second great hygienic discovery of this blog’s life, we picked up this new Crest Pro Health Night toothpaste.

(The first was the Old Spice Combined Shampoo/Bodywash Discovery of early 2006.)

This stuff is weird – it like toothpaste you’re only supposed to use at night – it claims it will leave your mouth nice and fresh in the morning, in case we want to make out with our pillow. All we can say right now is that it works, and we want to know why.

Here’s what they’ll tell you at the website:

Pro-Health Night Toothpaste
New Crest Pro-Health Night Toothpaste protects your mouth at night for a healthier mouth that is cleaner in the morning versus brushing alone with a standard toothpaste. It uses the unique Polyfluorite Systemâ„¢ to provide protection against cavities, gingivitis, plaque, tooth sensitivity and tartar, plus it freshens your breath with a cool, clean mint flavor. But it doesn’t stop there. Crest Pro-Health Toothpaste is formulated to provide excellent whitening benefits, too.

Okay, you can’t just tell us you stuck your Polyfluorite System in our mouths and then walk away. There are two massive issues here:

1) What the hell is in your Polyfuorites that it does these amazing things?

2) Why, if this stuff is so powerful, is it only to be used at night? It’s not that our mouth is under constant assault of being in bad shape throughout the day, but it only makes sense that if there a toothpaste that will leave you minty fresh in the morning, it should be used during the day, as well.

Sorry to get all into this, but we’re constantly on the prowl for the perfect toothpaste. Almost everything has whitening garbage in it now, and what that whitening stuff is leaves like a film on our gums.

Anyway, we had some nice emails congratulating us on our horrible short-term dating/relationship post the other day, so here’s two more:

- We went on a hike with this girl once – we guess it qualified as some kind of exploratory first date or something. There was a kiss involved at the conclusion of the day’s activities.

The very next time we saw this girl was the very next day, when she stopped by our (at the time) job unannounced, and proceeded to try to hold our hand as we walked her out. We just like pulled it away, and were like, as politely as possible, “what are you doing?”

If you haven’t guessed what happened next…we never talked to her again.

We’re enjoying Facebook – it’s clean and user-friendly and has all kinds of verifications and such. You can click on people’s profiles without music coming on or having seizures from their backgrounds.

Cavaliers in GSW tonight – let us know how it goes!