Stephon Marbury needs a friend
Published by The Cavalier February 10th, 2008 in NBA, New York Knicks, Isiah Thomas, Best Friends, Beef, Hamburgers, Stephon Marbury, Shawn Marion
While Shawn Marion makes his Heat debut on national TV against the Lakers, we’ll be concentrating on something else.
This may surprise you, but we’re calling NYC this afternoon to have an over-the-phone lunch with Stephon Marbury.
You see, he’s had like all these surgeries on his ankle (or maybe just one surgery), is out for the year, and now he needs what we in the industry call “a friend”.
We intend to be that friend - on the menu is MacDonalds hamburgers - we’ll both be eating the exact same thing so that we can have conversations about the food, just like in a real, in-person meal situation.
We imagine it’ll go something like this:
“Hey Stephon Marbury, how is your McDonalds hamburger?”
“It is good. How is your McDonalds hamburger?”
“It is good, too.”
“I am going to eat six french fries now. You should too, and then we’ll ask each other how they were.”
“Okay.”
…
…
“How were your McDonalds french fries, Stephon Marbury?”
“I am not done yet.”
“Will you tell me when you are done?”
“Yes.”
…
…
“Now I am finished.”
“I am glad. Now we can discuss our McDonalds french fries.”
“Yes. I am looking forward to this part of the conversation.”
“How were your McDonalds french fries, Stephon Marbury?”
“They were good. I am curious if yours were good, as well.”
“Yes, they were. Now I am going to take a drink of the Diet Coke that came with my McDonalds hamburger and french fry value meal.”
“How long of a sip will you take.”
“I will sip with the straw for 2 seconds, at a medium strength.”
“I would like to sip at a strength of 7/10, which is more towards a medium high strength.”
“You are a shrewd negotiator, Stephon Marbury.”
“Ha ha ha! That is funny.”
“Yes, I have made a joke, and the joke has been a success.”
“What you did was take a business phrase and inserted it into a casual conversation about having a meal.”
“The odd pairing of words out of context results in humor.”
“I laughed.”
“I am glad, Stephon Marbury. Are you ready to sip the Diet Coke, as we proposed earlier?”
“Yes.”
“Before we do that, may I ask you a question?”
“Yes.”
“Is your refrigerator running?”
“Yes”
“Well, you better catch it.”
“HA HA HA!”
“HA HA HA!”
“That was another joke.”
“I know.”
“I have lost track of who is who in this conversation.”
“I have, too.”
“Uh, oh!”
“This could be troublesome to the continuation of the conversation.”
“It is called a loss of identity.”
“Earlier, one of us was repeatedly referring to the other as Stephon Marbury so as to differentiate who was speaking.”
“I do not remember which of us was doing that.”
“Keeping track of it became difficult with all of the jokes flying around.”
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Your refrigerator is running!”
“HA HA HA!”
“HA HA HA!”
“EL OH EL!”
“I am enjoying this lunch.”
“I am, as well.”
“Would you like to try taking another bite of the hamburgers?”
“We have forgotten to take the sip of Diet Coke.”
“Things are getting crazy.”
“We don’t play by the rules!”
“And we have running refrigerators!”
“HA HA HA!”
“TEE-HEE!”
“That is how girls laugh.”
“I know - that is the joke.”
“I didn’t know we were still telling jokes.”
“HA HA HA!”
GIVE ME MY CROWN.
18 Responses to “Stephon Marbury needs a friend”
- 1 Pingback on Feb 10th, 2008 at 11:00 am
- 2 Pingback on Feb 10th, 2008 at 11:40 am
- 3 Trackback on Apr 5th, 2008 at 5:04 am
wtf… The Cavalier has gone mad
Bring back Inflatable Ben Wallace…
The site will be 167.8% funnier as a result….
How about Inflatable Ben Wallace rejecting a photoshopped Dino-Bosh? Pure gold.
Also, the HEAT are one good big man away from competing again…
Riles had them running like Showtime today…
“much like Osama Bin Laden - dropping an occasional rambling message while his acolytes keep hope alive”
Oh yeah, shouldn’t Aleef have been invited as well? Why not? He is a swingin’ guy.
who thinks The Cavalier should scrap the text only posts, and go strictly for the video or audio recordings like Osama does?
1
As long as they are in English
I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU,
THESE FIVE WORDS I SWEAR TO YOU,
WHEN YOU BREATHE,
I WANNA BE THE AIR FOR YOU,
I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU!!!!!!!
HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN,
GOIN’ DOWN THE ONLY ROAD I’VE EVER KNOWN,
LIKE A DRIFTER I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE,
BUT I MADE UP MY MIND,
I AIN’T WASTIN’ NO MORE TIME,
LOTSA LOTSA MORE WORDS!
I HAD A PICTURE,
HANGED ON MY WALL,
AN IMAGE OF YOU AND OF ME,
AND WE’RE LAUGHING,
WE’RE LOVING IT ALL.
…dude.
Jordi,
I think it would be funner (not funnier) if he actually did them in Arabic… or at least gibberish like Adam Sandler in Billy Madison…
My God now he’s belting out love anthems to the readership. Careful Monster Energy drinks…..carefullllllll.
LOOK AT OUR LIVES NOW…
TATTERED AND TORN!
YOU ASK IF I LOVE YOU,
WELL WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU KNOW THAT I DO
AND THAT THIS IS JUST ONE OF THOSE GAMES THAT WE PLAY…
SO I’LL SING YOU A NEW SONG
PLEASE DON’T CRY ANYMORE
AND THEN I’LL ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS
THOUGH I DON’T KNOW
JUST WHAT I’M ASKIN’ IT FOR
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