This whole thing where Ben Wallace signed with the Bulls has been pretty nice for us so far.
First of all, it obviously hurt the Pistons, although they’ve nicely recovered from their questionable start.
Secondly, CHI itself is a bonafide mess, even after their blowout victory over the NYK last night.
Here’s your scenario: Ben Wallace wears a headband and rebounds basketballs. Head Coach Scott Skiles wants Ben to do the rebounding basketballs thing, but has a rule against the wearing headbands thing.
And thus was born the funnest addition to the most disastrous free agent signing of 2006.
One night after Wallace played a season-low 19 minutes, 38 seconds, Skiles removed Wallace just 2:02 after tipoff for breaking the team rule [of headband wearing].
Is Skiles’ worried Wallace’ insubordination will become an issue? “No,” he said after the game. “I don’t know why. I’m just not.”
Asked if he understood why he was benched, Wallace looked downward. “Ask [Skiles],” he said. “Coach makes the decisions. I just play.”
Actually…you don’t, Ben.
You’re averaging like 5 points and nine boards. The game before this game, you put up zeroes across the board in 19 minutes. That sucks, and it’s certainly not worth the max contract you’re sitting on. (Not that we really need to say that.)
Who’s in the wrong here, though? The overbearing coach or the disgruntled PF/C?
We’ll go with…you guys are both retarded. Ben, does it really matter if you’ve got a headband on or not? Scott, same question.
Our big regret here is that “Stephon Marbury gets benched for entire second half, scores 0 points on 0-0 shooting” isn’t even all that interesting anymore. Has Knicks Turmoil been overshadowed by Bulls Turmoil? Do the Lakers ever have their own Turmoil anymore?
What’s happened to the NBA? Is Chris Webber still really good? That wouldn’t change, right?
NOTE: If we were Ben, we’d do an Al Harrington mohawk. Surely not outlawed by Skiles, yet surely makes him angrier than the headband.
NOTE 2: We wore a headband once for [an unnnamed movie about a snake] and it was uncomfortable as hell. Best described as “squeezy”, it gave us that feeling you get when you sleep on one side of your face too long and you start to worry you’ve caused your head to get all mis-shapen. You all get like that, right?
Oh, man…we love Mark Cuban.
We’re keeping this short and sweet. He posted an ode to Tim Duncan on his blog just a bit ago. It was nice, friendly, and complimentary to the game and the player.
To conclude his piece, Mark shows you a video of Tim that he himself has uploaded to YouTube.
By pure coincidence, David Stern has ordered all NBA videos to be taken off the video sharing site this very week.
Gee, wonder where Mark stands on that issue…we’re watching the work of pure, wily genius.
Love it. Love it.
That may not be entirely accurate, but if we ran the Cavaliers, that’s exactly where he’d be.
After building a big lead in the first half, Cleveland scored a massive total of nine points in the third quarter and ended up losing by like eleven or something at Indiana.
(No, we can’t be bothered to check the exact numbers – it’s too disturbing to have to relive in any such detailed form.)
Same old story – lack of motivation and energy. This has to be the worst 8-5 start in NBA history – the team can play absolutely great when they want to, and they’ve done that for a complete 48-minute game exactly once this season.
We refuse to even look at the recap and yank a quote – instead, let’s go to ABJ columnist Terry Pluto, who wrote yesterday morning (before last night’s game obviously) all about the problems this team is having.
(He’s been asking and answering questions of himself for years btw- we quite enjoy it.)
Q: Doesn’t Brown usually mention a lack of defense when the team loses?
A: Yes, there are breakdowns. But the Cavs are allowing only 93 points per game, third lowest in the NBA. The real trouble spot is offense, which ranks 21st at 96 per game. That’s low for a team with LeBron James and some other scorers. They have a bigger problem on offense.
Q: Why say that?
A: In the past three games, in the fourth quarter they scored 12 points against the Raptors, 17 against the Grizzlies and 41 points in the second half against the Wizards. In Toronto, they went 0-for-10 on 3-pointers in the fourth quarter, but didn’t shoot a single free throw. They just heaved up long jumpers. It was the same against the Grizzlies.
Again, we can’t check the numbers, but it was the same thing last night, in addition to a pathetic effort (in the second half).
And what does Brown do? Stand there with his hands in his pockets doing that thing with his lip. (It’s like a half lick/half bite.)
Honestly, he looks like he can’t wait to get off the court and into the office to watch film so he can “work”. Our conclusion is thus:
* Great x-and-o guy. When they’re doing things right, it’s smooth as hell on both ends. The “when they’re doing things right” part is where the red flags start going up all over our house. Why can’t they do things right like at least 80% of the time?
* Great friend to the players – he’s undoubtedly a nice man and treats everyone with respect.
* Horrible, terrible, awful motivator. This might work two years from now when LeBron will fully embrace the leadership position, but right now this team needs someone to lay into them, “execute or sit next to me on the bench while I seethe” style.
What we’ve described above? Those three qualities? It’s a perfect description for…an assistant coach. Sorry, Dan (Gilbert). We love ya, but Mike doesn’t have it. When he was like this last year, we chalked it up to being a rookie head coach.
That’s no longer valid, and we aren’t in possession of the “he’s a second year head coach” card.
Not with this team, with this talent, in this conference, with that Lebron James.
NOTE: We love Daniel Gibson. Sure, he makes mistakes, but dude can score and has no fear. The next time we see the David Wesley/Eric Snow backcourt we may become a cutter.
NOTE 2: We keep saying this and nobody else has picked up on because apparently the national media is only able to fixate on box scores. His head is officially elsewhere: THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH LEBRON.
(Comments are temporarily off – we’re getting spammed like nuts the past 48 hours.)
Well, as has been the way of things so far, the Cavaliers lost to a crap team (the Raptors) last night.
They’ve got four losses on the year – all against losing teams; two of which are arguably the worst in the entire NBA.
Sorry to have our sole Thanksgiving post be somewhat of an angry rant, but enough is enough. They didn’t show up for four quarters (again) last night, and we pin it on Head Coach Mike Brown.
Credit him for playing rookie Daniel Gibson decent minutes – as we suspected, the kid can play, and he was very active in getting the Cavaliers back in during a second quarter rally.
Execution down the stretch was pitiful – no fourth quarter free throws. Zero. Just a bunch of three-point attempts and the allowance of greasy foreign guards to get layups.
Coach Brown weighs in.
“[As a coaching staff] we just have to present the facts because I don’t have a magic potion,” said Brown. “We have to watch tape and see what we did on tape and see if we gave it our all on both ends of the floor and go from there.”
Umm…yes and no.
Your job is to present the facts, and then to pair the application of those facts alongside motivation.
That means that when they’re doing the thing where they come out flat and not trying, and go down by 18 to the freaking Raptors in the first quarter, you yank your starters.
It also means that when they’re doing that thing where they’re taking endless 3-pointers for no reason, you call a time-out and say something like, “The next one of you a-holes who takes a three-pointer is sitting down for the rest of the game!!” and then you follow through on that.
It means you take LeBron, sit him down, and figure out why the hell he’s been so distracted all season. Hard to argue with his stats, but anyone who’s watched him enough to know when he’s “there” and “not there” can tell you he’s been on the latter setting for 11 out of the 12 games so far.
Yeah, they’re 8-4, but they could and possibly should be 11-1. The good thing is they have yet to lose to an actual good team – they seem to execute against them.
NOTE: Andrea Bargnani looks like he’ll be a player one day for sure, but the double chin has gotta go. Unacceptable.
HOLIDAY NOTE: We love nearly 87% of you and thank you for continuing to read. JOY to thee!
The Orlando Magic, at 7-4, are having a nice season so far, and are supplementing it by reaching out to their fans…calling out to them…saying, “Hey…we yearn for you.”
One of the best ways to do so is obviously online, where even someone like us can do things like garner thousands of readers and get free cell phone service.
Alas, the Magic are in – they now have a myspace page of their very own.
You can learn all about the whys and whats and other inquisitive natured things in the Orlando Sentinel.
“We want to show them that the Magic are cool,” said Matt Gardner, the team’s Internet Marketing Specialist who created the MySpace page.
Well, you had us until that, Matt. [Young people!! The kids!! Hippity-hop!!!]
We think you can still recover – here’s the one surefire way you can regroup and maximize your myspace experience.
You must make the Magic an entity unto itself. You must have it talk as if it’s alive. You must hire us to do it, and failing that, you must let us do it for free.
We’d love to send messages all around the myspaceland saying things like this:
Hi!! I was just wondering if you wanted to instant message with me?! I like those pictures where you are showing your boobs. I want to kiss you. Write back soon!!!
Your pal,
Orlandy
PS I won the game last night! Choo-choo!
This really can’t fail, and that’s basically the end of this post.
We figured there was more mileage in this, but the most interesting thing about the Magic’s myspace page is that they’re encouraging people to vote Hedo Turkoglu into the All-Star Game.
NOTE: Go over there and look at who their second friend is in the first row. Amanda loves the Magic, and the Magic love family entertainment.
NOTE 2: Right next to her is the sole person on Earth who owns a JJ Redick Magic jersey. (We assume that’s a safe assumption.)
One of the tiny little overlooked deals of the offseason was the shuttling of JR Smith from the Hornets to the Bulls, who immediately reshuttled him to the shooting guard starved Denver Nuggets for a second round pick or something.
The two teams met up to play a basketball game last night, and JR, who’s assumed the role of “starter” for DEN, let the Bulls know a thing or two about what happens when you rashly shuttle someone around like that.
Yep, he put up 36 points and served the Bulls their 5th straight loss.
Denver coach George Karl can’t help but be complimentary and insulting to the young player he got essentially for free.
”Sixty percent pretty happy, 40 percent drives me crazy,” Karl said. ”That’s pretty good for me. Usually, I’m 90-10. J.R.’s been very good for us. He’s shot the three well and has had some good defensive games. Then he’s had some nights where you don’t know he’s in the building.”
Common knowledge says there was no spot in CHI’s rotation for JR, but he (or Ben Gordon) sure would be a nice piece of trade bait right now. Plenty of teams are on the lookout for inconsistantly explosive shooting guards.
Anyway, the thrust here is not that game – no, we must now turn to the Central Division as a whole. (Current NBA standing are here.)
Largely assumed to be the strongest in the NBA before the season started, thanks to the Bulls hot start, the Central now plays host to two separate 3-8 teams – CHI being one, the Milwaukee Bucks being the second.
In the meantime, the play-to-the-level-of-your-opponent Cavaliers have managed to come up 8-3, two games ahead of the Pistons and Pacers, who are one game above .500 each. We imagine they stay around there for the duration. Thus, we cannot call this the strongest division at this time.
No, that would be either the Pacific, where the Warriors sit at 7-4.
WAIT.
When the crap did that happen??? Shit ain’t right, yo. Seven and four? Five plus two and three plus one? Six times one plus one and negative seven plus eleven?
Impossible – either the NBA is messing with us just missed this behind the blinding glare of the 10-1 Jazz. At least the Atlantic still blows as bad as ever – all we ask for is a little consistency…and things being the same on a continual basis.
NOTE: At least the stats are straight this year so far. It’s not like Leandro Barbosa is leading the PHX Suns in scoring or something.
NOTE 2: Ben Wallace!
In our last post, we talked about the lengths we went to in order to impress upon someone else just how masculine we are.
We remind you of this not to plant the seeds of anything particular into your brains, but because the NBA is going to send us free shit if we talk about these Jay-Z promos they’re doing in conjuction with the release of his new album.
Here he talks about what happens when you become famous. No mention of the point at which you start wearing loose fitting suits.
VIDEO REMOVED BECAUSE IT PLAYS AUTOMATICALLY NO MATTER WHAT.
“Let the Truth Be Told”, as they say. The truth is, you may have noticed in the right sidebar the little thing telling you to send us free stuff. Recently we’ve had a wave of this for some reason – perhaps it’s our status as “masculine NBA blogger.”
Another possibility is that we’re a total sell-out. You send us your product, we’ll talk it up in a positive light – yep, even if we hate it!
Send to:
YAYsports!
P.O. Box 1367
Los Angeles, CA 90028
Our favorite thing (and what inspired this movement) is the free Sprint phone and the six months of free service. Yes, photoshopping pictures of Nate Robinson riding a horse is finally paying off.
Sorry about the low output yesterday, but we’re hosting 26.5 people for Thanksgiving and are trying to figure out how best to present the canned tuna and carrot shavings we’ll be serving.
While that might not sound all that exciting, you must remember we’re in Los Angeles, where yesterday the city was a bit excited for the first Lakers-Clippers game of the year – first place in the Pacific was at stake.
The thing didn’t disappoint, although it could’ve been closer. Lakers win, and the big story was the possible full-strengthitude of the surgically repaired Kobe Bryant.
He put 20 point in during the first quarter, and had by far his best game of the season. He also managed to do it within the structure of the team. Coach Phil Jackson’s thoughts?
“The thing that I looked at was that he had one turnover tonight and he’s been having six and seven,” Lakers coach Phil Jackson said of Bryant. “I think the decisiveness is evident in that. He’s doing some things a little bit quicker, making his moves a little bit quicker without as much hesitation and that changes that considerably.”
Yeah, that was nice to see – Kobe is actually leading the NBA in turnovers at this time, so cutting back on those will help everyone out, including the people who count themselves as “turnover enthusiasts”.
We have no idea what that means. Let’s move on to the question everyone is asking: are the Lakers for real?
Our vote would have to be a definitive “it sure looks that way, but we’re not committing because we don’t want to look foolish later.”
Andrew Bynum is a legit post guy in a league without any, Kwame Brown is like a poor man’s Horace Grant, Kobe is coming around, and Lamar seems to hve finally found his way. Luke Walton is solid.
If the team has one weakness it’s their fans, one of whom insisted to us this morning that LA could trade Chris Mihm (who hasn’t played in like a year and is out for the next 8 months) for Andre Miller.
We called him a fool, and then did barbell curls with a ton of extra weight to show him we were stronger and 19% more masculine than him. Mission accomplished.
Granted, this isn’t true quite yet, but it’s gotta be coming.
We say that not just because we feel it’s justified, but because Knicks coach Isiah Thomas yanked starting point guard Stephon Marbury a minute or so into the second half against Houston last night.
New York lost, but that’s hardly the story here.
No, this is all about the fall and subsequent further fall of the one known as Starbury. If you thought last year’s Larry Brown inspired meltdown was bad, we see this year’s being worse.
Isiah was like the one guy on his side. The seeds, starting with his reaction to being pulled so quickly:
“No, I didn’t understand that,” said Marbury, who was visibly upset. “We were in the game for two minutes.”
“The message is loud and clear. I’m not going to go on the court and play like that anymore. I got a turnover. I’m going to be more conscious about not getting a turnover.”
“If we’re out there playing the way he thinks we should be playing, our leash should be a little longer. I only took two shots,” he said. “When you are pressing, usually you are just trying to score. I am doing what is being asked of me. That’s all.”
Now, this isn’t yet the gold that birthed flexing juice cards, but this is exactly how it started with Larry, too.
Little comments here and there…questioning the coach’s moves directly…general sarcasm and surlyness…it’s all beginning.
Next up should be the complete sabotage of plays during the game – going out of his way to “play the right way”, etc. Then comes the benching, and maybe even a buyout? Certainly not a trade – nobody’s taking him at this point.
What’s really great about the past week is that we’ve finally found the level at which we want the Knicks. Huge wins followed by huge losses. Margins should be 15+ each way. We want this every night – it’ll just be complete and total chaos.
NOTE: Yeah, Nate Robinson is good. He of the 5-9 frame also swatted one of Yao’s shots last night. That’s where this was going, but whatever.
NOTE 2: Patrick Ewing appears to be enjoying retirement.
We thought this was dead, but it seems our unofficial claim to fame has returned…in a way.
With Tracy McGrady and the Rockets in NYC to face the Knicks tonight, we thought it was the right time to point out the situation to your left.
We initially thought those were knee braces, but upon closer inspection of +/-4,000 pictures of Tracy McGrady’s season thus far, we’ve determined that he is indeed wearing some kind of tights hybrid.
What are they? They’re certainly not full tights, which were outlawed by David Stern this summer. Nor are they a simple non-brace knee sleeve, if such a thing even exists.
Whatever the case, they actually look quite a bit more disturbing than the full tights to us. We welcome your thoughts, speculation, or references to irrelevant late-1980s Detroit Pistons accomplishments.
