Here’s a quick look at our thoughts over the last twelve minutes:
:00 - “Yeah! This Spider-Man website is awesome! Go Spidey!”
1:00 - “Yeah! I’m going to make some hard boiled eggs!”
2:00 - “Yeah! I’ve successfully taken the pan out of the cupboard, which allows me the means to begin the egg boiling process!”
3:00 - “Yeah! The water is in the pan now!”
4:00 - “Yeah! Now it’s time to turn on the gas on the stove!”
5:00 - “Yeah! I did it! Time to put the eggs in!”
6:00 - “Yeah! Half hour to euphoria!”
7:00 - “Yeah!”
8:00 - “Oh yeah!”
9:00 - “Yeah! Internet time!
10:00 - “Yeah! Ben Wallace is signing with the Bulls!”
11:00 - “Yeah! Go Cavs - your new Central Division champs!!!”
12:00 - “Yeah…the Bulls…they’re in the Central, too. Hm.”
There are many things to ponder here, one of which is why it took so freaking long for us to get out a pan, fill it with water, and put eggs in it. Maybe it’s time we reevaluate things - spend less time self-congratulating over trivial things and more time trying out non-trivial things.
One thing we’re sure of - the Pistons as you knew them are finished. That team was the definition of “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”. They’re also not getting anything back for him, which is Boozerful, particularly since they’re capped out.
Another thing we’re positive on - the Cavaliers’ breakout year is 2006-2007. They’re gonna be riding high on the momentum of their playoff debut, and what’s sure to be a preseason full of “LeBron for MVP” predictions. This regular season is going to be one where they understand what they’re playing for, and that’s homecourt advantage.
One last thing - the Bulls just got even tougher defensively, especially if you consider Big Ben is going to be playing with a “the Pistons pissed me off in some manner” type of shoulder chip. (The 4 years/$52M he’s getting in Chicago is only $4M more than Detroit was offering - guess there were other things working here, huh?)
This is a team that already played with unreal intensity. Somebody teach Tyson Chandler a jump-hook, btw - otherwise that frontline is both the most expensive and the most offensively inept duo in the NBA.
Blog a Bull is pleased. All other involved parties are holidayishly silent as of now.
UPDATE: Big Ben has spoken to the Detroit News, and the deal is worth $60M. That’s A LOT for this guy. Remember, he looked pretty beat during the playoffs at times.
So now that the Bulls are out, what’s the Paxfather do to top last season’s raping of the New York Knicks?
Well, he could try and go get some from next-worst-GM Kevin McHale, and there are going to be plenty of KG-to-CHI rumors soon.
Truth is, we’d love to go into that, but unlike the Pacers-Nets, the winning team is actually more interesting than the loser in this series. Specifically, Shaquille O’Neal, who had 30 and 20. That’s points and rebounds.
Even Chicago Tribune wannabe arch enemy Sam Smith relents, admitting Shaq might not be done just yet. Shaq of course, will continue to claim he’s been fine all along.
“Ever since I came into the league, I always wanted to brutalize and punish people. It was something my father told me to try out tonight, and I tried it out and it worked pretty good.
“I knew coming into the game I was going to go to my finesse game. I wasn’t really trying to use any power moves. I knew I was going to go to my jump hook, my turnaround and fadeaways and all that stuff.
“Games 2 through 5 I got into foul trouble. Tonight I said I wasn’t going to help out at all. I said, ‘Give me the ball.’ I knew I wasn’t in foul trouble, and I wanted to close these guys out. I was loose. Anytime I’m in a rhythm like that, there isn’t much anyone can do. We said we’ve got to close this out and not mess around anymore with these guys.”
That’s what you call a reality check for the team from Illinois. Very nice season, very nice effort, very nice werewolf, but there’s much more to do yet.
As for the Heat, we’ll have our Miami-New Jersey preview up soon. For now, let’s just sit back and enjoy this Ben Gordonesque gift from the Associated Press a bit more.
Yeah, we think we’ll be making use of this. The Bulls may be done, but Ben - you get to keep playing, buddy.
That’s purely from a point-of-interest standpoint, but it’s true.
San Antonio and Sacramento (now at 2-2) is an interesting series, but when the #2 Heat are having a public implosion while losing to the #7 Bulls, there’s simply no contest as to who gets our attention.
In case you missed it, Dwyane Wade and Gary Payton got into a shouting match during the game last night, probably over the Chicago backcourt running free like pixies in a magical forest-land.
Payton initially declined to discuss the incident, but later said, “That was just like Donovan McNabb and T.O. They were just playing around.”
We don’t know much about football, but we clearly know more than Gary Payton. That doesn’t get you much in this world, but it does make one wonder how Shaq feels today.
We’re going to blind ourselves to the fact that Kobe and Shaq made up months ago, and pretend they’re still in the middle of a bitter feud. Under that scenario, was yesterday the worst day of Shaq’s basketball life?
Dude has had two horrible games in a row, his team is in turmoil, and his arch-enemy just completely obliterated any remnant of the post-Shaq trade bitterness. What’s happening right now in LA (especially with Clippers-Lakers on the verge) is arguably more fun than winning championships. (Not that we’d know.)
The fact that we’re propping up Kobe while making fun of Shaq should demonstrate how messed up and fun these playoffs have been so far. Does anyone still want to shorten the first round back to five games?
As for Chicago, they’ve got a chance to beat the Heat. A chance - but only if Tyson Chandler’s ankle is indeed okay and his $10M per year ass can bring the 1 point, 3 rebound thunder.
There may have been more interesting developments in the NBA last night, but our interest lies with Bulls-Heat, so we’re going to hit on that some more.
Chances are good the Heat may win Game 4, and everyone will immediately forget the significance of Chicago’s blowout Game 3 victory, but for now, let’s harp on Miami’s horrible defense by using words like “doom”.
Alonzo Mourning, who returned last night in limited time, wasn’t doing a whole lot of pointing to above.
“We’re still in a dogfight because those guys keep coming at you for 48 minutes,” Mourning said. “If it’s God’s will for us to get out of this series, we have to prepare for other teams whose front lines are more of a factor than the Bulls’.”
More of a factor than the Bulls’ front line? They’re not freat by any means, but Chicago’s front line outscored Zo’s 40-32 last night. Shaq had arguably the worst game of his career.
Dwyane Wade was there, and while it wasn’t the worst game of his life, “quiet” and “ineffective” would be the best way to describe his 26-4-4 line.
Back to Mr. Finger-Pointer. Here’s how you test what God wants. Next game, just come out and sit down at halfcourt. If Zeus wants you to win, then all you need to do is sit there and somehow things will work out.
While some may say TNT excessively showed MJ’s reactions to everything last night in Chicago, we’d actually be into an Jordan-cam that did just that.
Yes, Michael, his kids, his wife, and Charles Oakley were there in his private United Center suite, and his influence should never, ever, be disregarded.
Down 0-2 and arguably playing really good basketball is tough. It’s much like everything you read here - lots of effort, but there’s just nothing to show for it. That goes for both the reader and the writer.
That being the case, Bulls coach Scott Skiles isn’t taking time to listen to Ben Gordon’s complaints about the offense not giving him enough shots.
“He should know it by now,” Skiles said. “We constantly are running things for Ben. You can ask any team in the league, and they all would tell you the same thing.”
“It’s something he’s going to have to get over. He needs to face the personal responsibility of what he needs to get done. … It’s an opportunity for him to learn a good lesson at this time of year.”
What’s that lesson?
Perhaps getting benched for tonight’s Game 3, which is back in Chicago. Replacing him would be Luol Deng, who is an allegedly better defender and also more foreign, which fits in better with the werewolf Andreas Nocioni.
Either way, we don’t see the Bulls taking a game from the Heat, no matter who’s playing. There are also rumblings that Tyson Chandler could see minute number one of the game, which would balance out the fact he makes $10M per year a bit. What this really means for you is you get to read Ben Gordon’s name is roughly 1400 different trade rumors this summer, half of which involve Kevin Garnett and/or Jermaine O’Neal.
As we like to do, let’s bring it back to us. We’re six posts away from our 1000th post - seven if you count the thousandth one. That means the sixth is 999, and the next one is 1000. We can’t tell you much about what’s going to happen, but we can tell you a little.
Seriously - we know we mess around here a lot, but we’re totally dead being for real - nothing will ever be the same here again.
We’ve always enjoyed Chicago Tribune writer Sam Smith, both because of his skill in making up believable trade rumors, and also because he wrote the first grown-up book we ever read voluntarily.
One of the trendy trends to trend upon this postseason is talking about how vulnerable the Miami Heat are, and Sam led the way, claiming not only that the Bulls would win the series, but that they’d do it in six games.
One game in, Chicago’s down 0-1, and he’s not letting up, going on at length this morning about how vulnerable the Heat are.
The Bulls didn’t practice Sunday, and I wouldn’t have either. They did everything but get the win.
With the Nets’ loss to the Pacers on Sunday, it’s likely the Bulls-Heat winner almost gets a pass to the conference finals. The Bulls’ go-go attack is not about to stop.
For someone who’s been around for plenty of playoff series in his career, this dude has gone nutty. Not only is he predicting the Bulls will win this series, but one game into Indy-NJ, and both of those teams have now been declared irrelevant?
Look, Chicago is a nice team whose summer will be much more intriguing than this series. For now, they work hard, and have got a great coach who does tuck-ins and bed checks. They’re also thin as hell up front, and aren’t going to shoot an obscene 50% from three-point land for the whole series.
Let’s not forget Wade sat down the last minute of Game 1 with leg cramps, also. The real tragedy is the new cover they slapped on The Jordan Rules. What the hell is that? The first on was iconic - this one is not iconic.
You’ve raped our childhood once again, Sam Smith. The first time will remain sealed in secret court documents per our agreement, but you don’t get a pass on this one.
Our good friend Ben Gordon shot like a crazy-person good shooter last night, going 9-9 from three to lead the Bulls over the Wizards.
It actually tied an NBA record for most threes made without a miss, and obviously is also a personal best for Ben, which is heartwarming and soothing to your soul. Unfortunately, nobody was paying attention.
“I didn’t know how many three’s I had honestly,” said Gordon, who added five assists. “I didn’t even know, I did not miss or anything. I was just letting them ride.”
“It’s also hard to beat a team when a guy goes 9-for-9 from the 3-point range,” said Wizards All-Star guard Gilbert Arenas, who scored 36 points. “We just didn’t do anything different against him all night because we didn’t know he was shooting that well until we saw the stat sheet after the game.”
That’s some good coaching by the Wiz staff. Shouldn’t someone have dropped into the timeout with a “keep an eye on that guy wearing #7 in the white jersey” or a “y’know…Ben Gordon seems like he’s hitting a lot of the shots from behind that line thingie out there…the - what do you call it - three-ma-doober thing.”
Anyway, this just solidified the mess that’s known as the bottom half of the Eastern Conference playoff bracket. The 5-7 seeds are the Wiz, Pacers, and Bucks, all at 39-40. The Bulls are in the 8 spot, but only a game and a half back. The question is - do any of them want/need into the playoffs, or should they tank and let Philly take a go at it?
Pacers: Sure, why not? You’re all getting blown up this summer anyway. Might as well go get embarrassed in the postseason, just to ensure there’s enough anger in the building to go through with the huge changes.
Bucks: Sure, why not? You’re all getting blown up this summer anyway. Might as well go get embarrassed in the postseason, just to ensure there’s enough anger in the building to go through with the huge changes.
Wizards: Sure, why not? You’re all getting blown up this summer anyway. Might as well go get embarrassed in the postseason, just to ensure there’s enough anger in the building to go through with the huge changes.
Bulls: Sure, why not? You’re all getting blown up this summer anyway. Might as well go get embarrassed in the postseason, just to ensure there’s enough anger in the building to go through with the huge changes.
What - it’s Saturday. You really want us to think this through on a Saturday? In fact, not only is it Saturday, it’s the Saturday before Easter, which means it’s EGG TIME!!!! YEAH!!!!!
EGGS!!!!
Going into their game against Milwaukee last night, Chicago was down 2.5 games on the Bucks, with a slim chance at the playoffs still. This morning, they’re 3.5 back, and the reason is because our friend Ben Gordon and the rest of the team simply didn’t try.
Coach Scott Skiles saw it happening, and did what coaches sometimes do when they’re angry - he got mad.
Squatting before his players who were seated on the bench, Skiles screamed as his face turned nearly as red as the Bulls’ road uniforms.
”You think they weren’t going to show up?” he said, minus a few colorful words. ”Of course, they’re going to show up. The question is, are you going to show up?”
Here’s a perfect example of why we got kicked off our basketball team in our senior year of high school. It’s at moments like this we’d come back with an innocent, “Coach…I’m right here. I have my uniform on and everything,” or even better, a curious “I don’t understand the question.”
Then there was the time he was doing that coach-type thing where they grab you by the hip and try to move you into the position you’re supposed to be in in the post. One time we just rubbed his face and said, “ooh, Coach, your beard is so smooth.” That didn’t go over too good, plus at gametime, we had no idea where we were supposed to stand.
