The Secret Origin of the Orange Roundie
From the category archives:
We submit the accompanied picture of Clippers guard Cuttino Mobley without comment, except for the following:
Professional basketball player consistently tagged with certain rumors: CHECK
Scarf: CHECK
No shirt: CHECK
Strangely over-exposed underwear: CHECK
Possibly wearing make-up: CHECK
A bunch of you awkwardly going “Umm…yeah. Thought so.”: CHECK
(Thanks to Leave the Man Alone for the pic.)
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Everything which was new but old is now old and no longer new, yet the same, once again.
For the first time!
The Clippers lost to the Kings last night, and the most unstoried franchise in Los Angeles is on a journey back to its true destiny. Step one is complete, as they’re now below .500.
How did this all come to pass? Were the Clips of last year just a fluke? Some say Elton Brand is playing on tired, Olympic Teamish legs. Others blame the lack of players named Shaun Livingston who aren’t busts. Still others will tell you center Chris Kaman is relaxing on his $50M extention.
Newly extended (4 mo’ years!) Head Coach Mike Dunleavy…weighs in.
“They’ve been tough on us,” said Dunleavy, 0-13 against the Kings as Clippers coach, before the game.
“Last year they weren’t in the playoffs and I made the comment, ‘If I could drop two teams out, one in the East and one in the West, I would drop out this team and Miami.’
“As far as anybody else was concerned, I felt pretty good about us having a chance to beat those teams. I mean, we’ll give all those teams a real good series.”
Well, there you have it – the Clips’ problems are all because the Heat and the Kings are still in the NBA.
We’d say their problem is as follows:
1) Elton Brand is tired.
2) They don’t have any players named Shaun Livingston who aren’t busts.
3) Chris Kaman loves money and girls.
Ah. It seems all the other people we mentioned above were correct, leaving us sitting here, completely irrelevant, once again.
NOTE: The LA Times has a new Clippers blog, if you’re into Clippers blogs that are associated with the LA Times.
NOTE 2: Ron Artest!
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Sorry about the low output yesterday, but we’re hosting 26.5 people for Thanksgiving and are trying to figure out how best to present the canned tuna and carrot shavings we’ll be serving.
While that might not sound all that exciting, you must remember we’re in Los Angeles, where yesterday the city was a bit excited for the first Lakers-Clippers game of the year – first place in the Pacific was at stake.
The thing didn’t disappoint, although it could’ve been closer. Lakers win, and the big story was the possible full-strengthitude of the surgically repaired Kobe Bryant.
He put 20 point in during the first quarter, and had by far his best game of the season. He also managed to do it within the structure of the team. Coach Phil Jackson’s thoughts?
“The thing that I looked at was that he had one turnover tonight and he’s been having six and seven,” Lakers coach Phil Jackson said of Bryant. “I think the decisiveness is evident in that. He’s doing some things a little bit quicker, making his moves a little bit quicker without as much hesitation and that changes that considerably.”
Yeah, that was nice to see – Kobe is actually leading the NBA in turnovers at this time, so cutting back on those will help everyone out, including the people who count themselves as “turnover enthusiasts”.
We have no idea what that means. Let’s move on to the question everyone is asking: are the Lakers for real?
Our vote would have to be a definitive “it sure looks that way, but we’re not committing because we don’t want to look foolish later.”
Andrew Bynum is a legit post guy in a league without any, Kwame Brown is like a poor man’s Horace Grant, Kobe is coming around, and Lamar seems to hve finally found his way. Luke Walton is solid.
If the team has one weakness it’s their fans, one of whom insisted to us this morning that LA could trade Chris Mihm (who hasn’t played in like a year and is out for the next 8 months) for Andre Miller.
We called him a fool, and then did barbell curls with a ton of extra weight to show him we were stronger and 19% more masculine than him. Mission accomplished.
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Only two games on the schedule last night, and the far more intriguing one was going on down there at the Staples Center.
We managed to catch quite a bit of the thing, and we have to say – there’s nothing quite like the thrillerella (new word) of an 82-72 uglynessfest. (another one!)
Oh yeah, the teams were the Bulls and the Lakers.
CHI continued the fine tradition of losing on its circus-inspired road trip (the circus is using their home court for two weeks), while the Lakers played some nice team ball.
Phil Jackson walked away from the showdown with his former team…unimpressed.
“I think most people around the league would say that there’s not another team in the league that plays with the same intensity,” Jackson said. “Sometimes there’s more froth than substance, kind of like a latte — there’s not much there. I didn’t mean to make that as an insult. They have trouble scoring, but they really will push you to the extreme.”
We don’t know the difference between latte and coffee, hense the title of the post. It all sounds pretty gay to us. The points on the “All-new Bulls” stands, however: CAFFEINE IS BAD FOR YOU.
Don’t let that sway you from taking a look at the Lakers as one of the better teams in the NBA, even though the caffeine thing has nothing to do with Kobe’s squad.
We’re sure Jones on the NBA can fill you in on the particulars with a helpful comment or two, but the summation is thus: Kobe is playing very nice basketball within a team concept. Lamar Odom led those guys last night.
It’s all quite odd and intriguing, and should rise to a feverish level tomorrow night – Lakers vs Clippers, right over there at the Staples Center.
Now, you may have read this a few times and are now asking yourself…does the Cavalier live “down there” or “over there” in relation to the Laker/Clipper home court? It’s a great mystery, is it not?
That’s what makes this life great, people. It’s not about impending Thanksgiving with the family, or Christmas shopping, or who beats who in any given NBA game.
It’s about where the author of this blog lives in relation to the arena of a major metropolis, and whether you can figure it out via some carefully chosen words written on said blog by said author. Zeus bless America.
NOTE: That other game was Sacramento/San Antonio, the latter of which won.
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After a big win over the Clippers last night, the Utah Jazz is sitting nicely atop the NBA with its best record.
Both teams came into the game with only one loss, and the laws of math says the Jazz are the only ones still in that position.
Seven and one, baby – and they did it without Andrei Kirilenko, one of the staples of their defense.
Who stepped up in his place? None other than rookie Paul Millsap, who not only doesn’t sound like an NBA player, but does sound like a character in a badly written Jim Carrey movie from 1997 or so.
“I don’t understand how a young guy like Paul Millsap gets his hands on the ball as much as he did,” Sloan said. “I’ve been around this game a long time … and that’s more (deflections) than ordinary guys who’ve been in the league. He was all over the place.”
“Young guys should be able to compete their guts out every night starting out there in the ballgame,” 64-year-old Sloan said. “I understand there’s a learning process, and all that. But if you dreamed about playing in the NBA, and you get a chance to play, then you should be alive.”
Are you listening, [insert name of your favorite veteran New York Knicks here]?
There’s something to be said for simply working hard. Dennis Rodman made at least the basketball part of his career out of it.
Not speaking of Dennis Rodman, how good would the Knicks be if Jerry Sloan were their coach? 5-2 instead of 2-5? Possibly. He probably would’ve just punched Starbury in the face by now, and Eddy Curry would be sitting in the locker room …expanding the caloric storage of his fat cells.
As for the Clippers, despite the loss, they’re off to a great start and certainly one of the more stable teams in the NBA at the moment. Sometime during the 2013 season that should stop sounding odd.
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This be it – we are SO READY for SO MUCH to happen this season. We also totally flubbed the date-stamp on this video.
Sacramento Kings uninteresting.
Remember to also want to check out our Central, Atlantic, Southwest, Southeast, and Northwest previews if you haven’t already.
Discuss, and then let’s do this season thing. We’re ready to be more Cavaliers-biased than ever!
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Well, only one of the three Game 7s was up to the task of being entertaining. While Suns-Clippers seemed like it might turn out so, there was an unsaid certainty that the Clippers were never really getting back into the game, despite a run here and there.
Still, we agree with the LA Times that Clipper fans have a lot to be proud of, and hopefully aren’t one Sam Cassell Laker signing from falling back into their previous status. There’s much to look forward to, despite what Charles Barkley says.
“Getting to the Western Conference finals one time in 25 years doesn’t mean you’ve turned the corner. You haven’t even gone halfway down the block.”
We love Charles, but this is wrong on three levels. First of all, they didn’t get to the Conference Finals. Secondly, they have too turned the corner. Third of all, the third point.
As for the Suns, they’re confident that they’ll get past Dallas, even though everyone will pick against them. Being the underdog works for them, and – aw, who cares – look what we found!
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And lo, in the sweltered, sun-drenched lands of the PHX, shall a great battle be waged…and only a single being, or group of beings operating under the banner of a single organization, shall possess the spoils of victory…
Let’s get retarded, oh yeah!
Let’s get retarded, oh yeah!
And now there’s dancing, oh yeah!
Let’s get retarded! Hey hey!
I like basketball, oh yeah!
It is real ne-eat, oh yeah!
Who is retarded, oh god!
Fuck shit damn swears, ba-by!
Who’s out there dancing? I am!
Who isn’t dancing? I’m not!
There’s nothing to sa-ay! Oh no!
That chick Fergie is ugly, hell yeah!
She’s got a great body, she does!
That’s what makes it we-eird, oh yeah!
There’s no reason to say that, oh no!
That is retarded, oh god!
This post makes no sense, oh yeah!
Here’s my boy Skip Bayless, oh yeah!
Thanks to Todd for the link, fuck yeah!
Hey there’s more swearing, uh-oh!
We didn’t make the finals of that FOXsports thing, oh yeah!
We can’t imagine why-y, oh yeah!
They could have awesome shit like thi-is, hey hey!
It takes some talent, oh god!
This game will be good, oh yeah!
So give me money, oh yeah!
To make Who Shot Mamba, oh yeah!
The Suns will wi-in, that’s good grammar!
(Special thanks to whoever left this big pile of drugs on our coffee table.)
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We said it yesterday, and everyone’s been saying it since the start, so it’s not like we were some revolutionary in this regard. This regard. Others? Sure.
Clippers-Suns was destined to go seven games, and after last night’s Los Angeles victory in Los Angeles, Los Angeles will get to see their team attempt to accomplish what the other Los Angeles team couldn’t.
That accomplishment? Becoming a team from Los Angeles that can beat a team not from Los Angeles, while not playing the Game 7 in Los Angeles. The Los Angeles team’s catalyst once again? A man not born or raised in Los Angeles, but one who is quickly becoming a Los Angeles favorite, Los Angeles Clipper Elton Brand.
The Los Angeles Times’s JA Adande goes on at length about the man, and Steve Nash drops in with his 13 cents – like his number!
“I think that obviously, he’s a handful in the low post,” Nash said. “In this series he’s also blocked a lot of shots, he’s also had a ton of assists, coupled with the fact that he’s really been a terrific shotmaker, not just from the block…He’s really been so efficient offensively that it puts a lot of pressure on our defense.”
On your what, now? You have one of those?
Even if PHX did play defense, Elton Brand would still tear them up, if you ask us. The dude is just that good at this point. A lot of people still make jokes about him, like that they’d trade him away for Tyson Chandler, but we know those are jokes because that would be insane.
Can the Clips really overcome the Suns, their MVP, and their math teacher coach to get to the West Finals?
We’ll go out on a limb and say that if they win Monday (wha…?), they definitely can. It’ll be easy, what with all the fancy planes and other advanced modes of transportation they have here in the future.
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We had to laugh when Raja Bell hit the three to send Suns-Clippers into OT #1 of what became a two-overtime win for PHX last night.
Doug Collins said something like “Wow, they were right up in Raja Bell’s face, too.”
Anyway, these playoffs just continue to be awesome, and we fully expect this series to hit 7 games. Both teams are playing well, both are confident, and the fans deserve it. Especially the loyal fans of the Los Angeles Lakers, who have all migrated over to Clipperland. TJ Simers…investigates!
…I asked Nicholson if he was finished with the Lakers, maybe upset that Kobe had tanked it down the stretch, and so now he was hopping on the Clippers’ bandwagon? “Look,” he said, while tugging at his white shirt inside of a blue jacket. “Switzerland.”
Nicholson said he remains a Lakers fan, and when I asked if there’s just a little part of him rooting for the Clippers, he said, “I’m an NBA fan.”
We have no doubt about that, but why not go watch Miami/Jersey, then? Or stay home and watch NBA Jams IV? The diehards have to be a little upset about this, although as Los Angeles residents, surely they understand the concept of the “bandwagon jump”.
Regardless, does anyone outside AZ want Steve Nash’s tired legs to win this series? Not only are the Clips a better story, but they also have a much better chance against the Spurs Mavericks.
Special props go out to us for the “orange roundie”, which we sat back and laughed out loud at. It was one of those things you read and say, “Man…I wish I had thought of that.”
Then when you realize you did? No better feeling, man. Nothing better than that. It’s the best. There are things that happen, but none exceed the feeling of said event.
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