“I’m going to gamble and gamble and gamble and gamble and gamble until there’s no money left in this person’s account,” they apparently think to themselves.

Yes, it’s exciting.

The process of fixing the issue is even more exciting.

You see, often what will happen is the computer voice at your bank’s alleged 24/7 hot-line keeps saying things like, “Would you like to check your balance,” no matter which option you choose.

Of course, since you have a brain and are able check your balance online, you already know that you have negative forty-seven dollars.

It’s times like that you sit back, relax, and throw your phone through a window.

That’s not to say the bank doesn’t work with you. “We’ll send you an deposition statement in the mail for you to sign and return. That’ll get the investigation started.”

“Investigate this,” you reply. “I didn’t sign up for 80 different gambling sites at 3:30 in the morning. I don’t have a week to wait to put gas in my car. It’s thirsty now, and so am I. I’m addicted to those No-Carb Monster drinks. The big ones – the ones that look like you need a wrench to open them.”

“Ooooh, those are good! What we can do is issue you a line of credit while this is being worked out.”

You figure that’ll work. Especially when that line of credit is all of TWENTY-THREE DOLLARS.

Anyway, that was a large portion of our weekend’s activities.

An additional reason? No NBA basketball watching for us this past week.

Anyway, here is portions of a back and forth we had with some dude via email.

when is anyone going to write about Vince Carter being secretly engaged to a New Jersey Nets dancer?

———

Is there some evidence of this or at least source of rumor?

———

The source is Vince’s teammate. Vince has been dating her since June when he was a judge for the New Nets Dancers competition. This girl is a captain.

———

And who are you exactly?

———

I am a close friend of one of his teammates. What do you need for verification?

———

Nothing really – I’m not a news site where I care about stuff like that.

Curious what your agenda/motivation is, though.

———
honestly, my motivation is simply that Vince Carter should not be above the rules. I know that these players sleep around with the dancers but at least RJ’s girl quit the team to be with him. They did the right thing. Vince and his dancer think they are outsmarting everyone. People think he is a clean cut, all American Momma’s boy. Some of us know better.

Few things of note about this – all of them funny:

* Our crack journalism skills, ie, “No, no – we don’t care about verification – whatever.” (What we were really saying there is, “Hey, is she one of the hot ones?”)

* Whoever this guy is, he must be pretty insulated in the world of celebrity athletes, because out here in the real world, nobody like Vince Carter. Upon last inspection, people don’t have enough respect for him to call him an All-American anything. Plus, he played in Canada for awhile.

* This guy’s motivation is kinda odd. Does he think this’ll overshadow Roger Clemens’ butt or something? Like, NBA players sleeping with members of the dance team is probably the least shocking thing on Earth. And hey – Vince is even engaged to her – that makes it even kinda sweet – like their love is trapped by her fear of losing that sweet $25/night dancer job.

We’ve never been big Vince Carter fans, but we’re sure of one thing here – Jason Kidd sent this email to get us off his case and onto Vince’s.

WE ARE SO IN YOUR HEAD, “JAY”. (That’s what his buddies call him. And he makes them spell it “Jae”. There’s some REAL gossip.

In closing, we think the dancer in question is Megan – her uptight lifestyle and high-pressure Government degree from Harvard makes her lash out and break the rules – even though Vince likes dudes.

As we close out the week and (at this exact moment) what’s-his-name throws a first strike for the Tribe against the New York City Yankees, we present the first batch of links in the NBA blog team previews thing that bastard Jeff from Celticsblog has turned into an annual thing.

And you thought we didn’t how to play nice with our fellow bloggers anymore! We’re up October 12th for the Cavaliers – here’s the Atlantic Division.

(The words after this sentence are not ours.)

With today’s preview of the Raptors, the Atlantic Division is finished. Be sure to check them all out if you haven’t already.

Celtics
Celtics Blog
LOY’s Place
Celtics 17
Red’s Army
Celtics 24/7
Green Bandwagon

Nets
Hooplah Nation
NetsDaily

Knicks
Straight Bangin’
Posting and Toasting

Sixers
Passion and Pride

Raptors
HoopsAddict/RaptorsHQ
HoopsAddict

Archives
CelticsBlog NBA Page

4 years, $24M – we figured any number of teams would throw that at former Heat-person Jason Kapono, being that he’s one of the best shooters (percetage-wise) in the NBA. But Toronto?

It’s weird not so much because they offered, but because we figured Kups (what we called him when he was with CLE) would go to a warm-weather city. Specifically, we figured he’s end up in LA with the Lakers. He went to UCLA, they need players, etc, etc.

Our favorite Kups memory was probably a January game during his rookie year that he inexplicably was really, really tan. Clearly he was going to tanning beds, and this became a point of great interest for us.

Were the Stephen A Smith sock puppet around back then, we’d have asked it to scream “WHY ARE YOU SO TAN?!” at the guy.

Anyway, that the only big change so far. Vince Carter re-upped with the Nets, which was a surprise to nobody. He can passionately be non-passionate for New Jersey right on through when they move to Brooklyn.

We’re ready for some Kobe/KG movement asap – get to it, NBA execs.

NOTE: When did the Nets mascot become a werewolf? Wouldn’t it be better if it were just a big net? Like they drop it from the ceiling and it just falls on the court and lays there motionless, but for some reason all the NJN fans go nuts for it?

Like all the out-of-town announcers are like “Why do these people like this thing? It’s just a net, right? Is there something I’m not seeing here?” Then all the fans can just be all pretentious about it like, “You not FROM here. You just don’t GET IT.”

UPDATE: Luke Walton, Laker for life – good move on everyone’s part on that one. Isn’t it funny how reading these deals makes $30M seem like it’s not that much money?

Okay, so LeBron gave you maybe a quarter and a half, but it was the correct quarter and half. Cavs beat the Nets in 6, and move on to face the Detroit Lasers in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Contrary to how we’ve been so far in these Playoffs, we’re going to try and simply enjoy this. No, this is not because Scoop Jackson’s Feel-Good Attempt That Failed Because It Was So Melodramatic told us to – it’s simply because what else are we supposed to do?*

Oh, and one final farewell to Mr. Carter, who could’ve held in his emotions over losing the series a little more:

*Before we go full-bore enjoyment, one final moment of torment…NO, Cavaliers fans, you should not be satisfied with 50 wins, the 2 seed, and a trip to the Eastern Conference Finals. We don’t care if they haven’t been there in 15 years. They haven’t earned this, unless you think flimsy play, a level of focus that’s been measured at -14, terrible coaching, and general disinterest by LeBron since early November is worthy of praise. They’re here in spite of themselves.

Watch what happens if they play like they’ve been playing – they will get ROLLED.

THAT SAID, maybe they’ll continue to inexplicably play to the level of their competition, whether that be up or down. We really have no idea if they’re as good as the Spurs or as bad as the Knicks – they just play the same as whoever they’re playing against. They’re like Retarded Chameleons…vs Lasers…

Well…hello. Okay, let’s re-do the first sentence of this post:

Ladies and gentlemen…the 2007 NBA Eastern Conference Finals, aka The Cleveland Retarded Chameleons vs The Detroit Lasers, aka The Battle of the Distracted.

(We have no official predictions yet.)

Fear the Sword asks if the Cavs “have the stones”. Umm…no, they don’t. If they did, there wouldn’t be a game six at all.

Our own Jack Cobra asks if LeBron will play hard tonight. Since Shrek the Third will hopefully be in his “already saw it” column by this evening, and Pirates 3 doesn’t come out for another whole week, we expect at least a little focus.

We say he’ll actually turn in a nice fourth quarter, but not much more. Won’t stop everyone from gushing over the 27/6/7 stat line, while lambasting us for complaining about it at the same time.*

Anyway, you’re looking for our prediction, and that last paragraph should clue you in. Cavs will take it, but it’ll be more of a “got it” than a “took it”. We expect another horrible evening of pseudo-basketball, wherein fans on both sides are screaming things like, “They’re trying to give you the game!! What’s wrong with you?!?”

One bright beacon of hope is shining across in the wake of the Lasers’ series victory over the Bulls, however.

“The game has changed, and it’s not like you can just go out there and hate a team. It ain’t the same game,” [Lasers assistant coach Ron] Harper said. “[Animosity] is still there some of the time, but it isn’t there all the time.”

So, Ron, who do the Pistons hate?

“Cleveland. We don’t like Cleveland. That series is going to be fun.”

That gets us a little charged up – just a little. Regardless of the Cavaliers state of mind/play, DET is a fun team to hate, especially when their bloggers are already looking ahead to the Finals.

Cleveland over Jersey tonight – final score 36-27.

*We don’t get the CLE fans who are just happy to be in the second round (and clearly don’t actually watch the team play OR don’t understand basketball). We finally have an (alleged) player who can bring a championship one day – let’s strive for the championship, huh? If this were the Terrell Brandon/Chris Mills Cavs, we’d be happy to be in the second round.

(Hey – the WNBA is starting soon. Check out this awesome promo pic – doesn’t it just make you rush right to the ticket office? No, really – she’s pregnant. Awesome.)

“Why?”, she asked, and perhaps you asked, too.

Well, if you haven’t been reading all season, we have a really hard time getting behind a group of players that flat out don’t care, and if you think the Cavaliers care after watching them get rolled at home by the Nets last night, you’re watching a different team than we are.

They had a chance to close out the series and start resting for the Eastern Conference Finals, and what did they do? Wait, we already said what they did – see what they do to us?

Repeating ourself.

Discombobulation.

What else can we say that we haven’t said all season? What else can we type? How many ways can we say it? If they don’t care, how can we? We feel bad, because we know our parents are planning to watch this garbage on Tivo, and we feel like we should call and warn them.

We can’t wait to see how Coach Mike and the Gang justify this one. Which cliches that make it seem like not a big deal can they roll out this time?

Ambivalence, thy name is the NBA.

(For his own reasons, Bill Simmons is starting to hate the league, as well.

We don’t hate the game itself, we just hate NOT FREAKING TRYING. BTW, the game isn’t even over yet – oh look, LeBron just pulled a Vince Carter on his ankle. Nice.)

This in the aftermath of Nets forward Mikki Moore’s takedown of Sasha Pavlovic in Game 4, of course.

As any longtime reader knows, we’ve long been a proponent of one “Angry LeBron”, he being the version of LeBron who can take over an entire game in a way only a few players in the NBA can.

Let’s now look at some direct quotes to determine if our savior is indeed upon us for this evening’s potentially series-clinching Game 5 in Cleveland.

“I guess the intent was to go at Sasha in a harmful manner,” James said. “It really ticked me off that they would try to do something like that to Sasha and try to hurt him. I had to stick up for my teammate, I didn’t like it at all. Sasha knows he’s got 14 guys behind him, especially me.”

Boy, he sounds pissed, doesn’t he? Using words like “intent” and phrases like “harmful manner” scream rage to us, especially when they’re so haphazardly thrown together like that. This is all sounding dangerous.

Regardless of whether Angry LeBron shows up or not tonight, we do expect the Cavaliers to roll forward and take this thing.

They’re one of those teams that really does play better at home, and with New Jersey facing the double obstacles of a 3-1 hole and Vince Carter leading the way…well, you see where we’re going with this.

We’ll attempt not to get too far ahead of ourself, but what do you think the Cavs’ chances are against the Lasers? And where do you think Vince Carter goes this summer in free agency? Perhaps one of the Russian Minor Leagues? Is that where the combination of “relaxing atmosphere” and “not having to care all that much” is optimal?*

*Special thanks to us for the last-minute switch from “best” to “optimal”. Wow!

By all logic, they should take the series at that point, but of course, this is the same Cavaliers team that will claim in post-game comments (which we haven’t heard yet) that there was nothing but good shots taken in this victory.

We say otherwise, and the proof is right after the jump. Yes, we spent a good portion of the second half in chat with Becky, who isn’t a happy camper, and has actually wished an STD on Vince Carter. Here’s a preview:

me: I think Kieth Van Horn is a doctor
like a pediatrician
he never told anyone
it’s why he was always distracted on the court
Boki isn’t a doctor – he’s not even a US citizen

Rebecca: yeah but he has a brother

me: is his brother a doctor?

Rebecca: i think he plays basketball too
but he could be a doctor

If that doesn’t get you to click through, nothing will. Read it…through this link following below…WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE.

me: YO!
Where are you?
Let’s chat during el game

Rebecca: is that allowed?

me: yeah oh yeah
how have you been?

Rebecca: you just think it’ll unjinx you
i have been soooooooooo good since like…thurs

me: is that when youn were done
with law school
is your TNT on? mine just flipped off
oops it is back

Rebecca: yes i finished on thursday
mine is fine
hahahahaha
i have been jumping up and down and screaming all by myself in my apt

me: I am totally unenthused

Rebecca: my neighbors must worry

me: crap
if hughes shoots this I will turn it off

Rebecca: kidd has been a beast
i don’t even know what he’s doing
he must be shooting boozer serum into his butt
me: he just goes to the ball – he’s smart

Rebecca: and by that i mean “steroids”
yeah he knows where to go for boards
imagine that
intelligence helps

me: you thnk Kidd roided up?

Rebecca: nah
the board thing is just bizarre though
he’s been the best rebounder on the team this year
he was never so nasty w/ them before
lol
lucille o’neal?
really?

me: lol
I’d rather watch a broadcast of Shaq and Charles watching the game than the game itself

Rebecca: ugh
haha shaq and charles are a great great pair
there’s your boy
the nets seem to miss a LOT of dunks these days
who misses a dunk???

me: I hate Hughes he’s awful

Rebecca: that’s just gonna make RJ take 8 more ill advised 3s
i KNEW it

me: see Z just chooses not to dunk to spare himself

Rebecca: i just slapped my forehead

me: these might be the two most disfunctional teams in the league

Rebecca: well vince and lbj both have the “maybe we care today, maybe we don’t” affliction

me: the whole Cavs team (coach included) has the “if it went in, that means it was a good shot” disease

Rebecca: DECK HIM
DECK HIM
ha
pavlovic is like “HOLD ME BACK HOLD ME BACK”

me: look LeBron is pretending he’s angry

Rebecca: “REALLY HOLD ME BACK i don’t wanna get my ass whooped”
thats the thing i can’t stand
when vince goes like 3 for 37

me: Mikki Moore is like “I’ma write an essay about this in my life-journal later!”

Rebecca: and everyone is just like
“well they were all good shots, they just didn’t go in”
how can you NOT like mikki
my comment never showed up on last nights post btw

me: what did you say?

Rebecca: i said that i like to think that mikki’s reptilian influence had something to do with this photo: http://static.flickr.com/108/265236195_064f763f2a.jpg
and that if THATS not a positive attribute
i don’t know what is
haha sasha

me: I don’t even know what a life-journal is – is that like a privavte diary – did I make up life-journal?
why do you have quick access to that photo

Rebecca: i think you made it up
bc its like the first one that comes up on google image search
i love that you were hoping for “I have it bookmarked in case i am feeling a little frisky”

me: yeah I was like all excited by that prospect

Rebecca: does mikki have a livejournal?
which is like a xanga
or i guess myspace blog
i thought only asians and college aged lesbians had them
(see: my sister)

me: no he has a life-journal – it’s a leatherbound book he writes about significant events in his life in

Rebecca: i dont’ think i could get excited by robert swift

me: he’s had it since he was 6

Rebecca: he’s not my type of tall skinny white boy
oh
i didn’t know it was called that
but i knew of it
i jsut figured it was a diary

me: it is but people like Mikki call it a life journal
is your sister a lesbian?

Rebecca: he’s the best
and yes she is
slap the forehead

me: LeBron

Rebecca: i do that every blown defensive coverage
i can’t figure why they don’t throw collins on lbj more
and why DOES RJ TAKE THOSE 3S!!!
he’s trying ot piss me off
ahhh

me: wtf

Rebecca: ok this isn’t working for me
i need to go back to the living room

me: see those 3s that like Hughes hits I don’t like

Rebecca: i’ll be back if that doesn’t work out well either
guh

me: okay comes back later I’ll stay on

Rebecca: ok good

me: come back at commercial

Rebecca: fack
kk
fuck me
yeah i’ll be back
motherfuck
well thats a commercial
i forgot i started to make cereal
and left it unfinished

me: oh no!

Rebecca: its ok
the milk should be colder
but it’s not
i fail at life
…
again
ok
be back after the 3rd
if i don’t decide to go play in traffic
Sent at 5:49 PM on Monday

me: Magic is on now – he is like “whoa-ho-ho! look at lebron! playoff basketball!
“wooo-hoo-ha-ha, oh man, this is a basketball game! Reggie, man, that was like oh man!”
“hey hey tell you waht, basketball, that’s something now, lebron is young fella alright!”

me: I am continuing to type while you’re gone.
This is because my interest level in the game is a 5 out of 10.
Since you’re not here…it’s almost like you’re sleeping. So…I can tell you a few things…
This isn’t easy for me…but I’m in love with you…sometimes I think about things, and I say, “oh, man! basketball! This is a game! Look at that! Byron Scott, James Worthy, whoo-that’s wonderful!”
So you can see…it’s pretty serious.

me: I’m not sure what it means for our future…you, me…us. If you look out at the Western sky tonight…just know that I’m looking back…and somewhere up there in the stars…our souls are doing it.

me: Wow, I’m glad I got that out. Luckily this chat log only lasts for two weeks, so as long as you don’t come back to your computer i n the next 14 days, my feelings are safely hidden.
One day maybe I can say these things to you… if I can be brave, like the actors on Heroes.

Rebecca: i’m back but i prob won’t be able to say anything bc reading all your IMs here are going to take up the whole itme out
*time out

me: oh god you can read them!? Oh no!!!

Rebecca: yes i read them
and i love you too
so
you know
it’s coo

me: Wow so there was no reason to be scared?

Rebecca: and yes, magic is silly
no no reason at all
you
you are my sunshine

me: my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
my mom used to sing that to my sister when she was little

Rebecca: hahahaha yes that song!
i don’t know where i know it from
ok be back

me: I only know it from my mom – I thought it was like Superman – you just know about it from whwen you’re born
okey

Rebecca: my mother would be appalled at the volume I am yelling the word “pussy” over and over at vince
ok so…correct me if i’m wrong here, but…
boki = keith van horn???

me: maye
maybe
not really
kieth van horn is an enigma

Rebecca: well a crappier version?
or something?

me: boki is what he is

Rebecca: ok maybe he just sucks

me: I think Kieth Van Horn is a doctor
like a pediatrician
he never told anyone
it’s why he was always distracted on the court
Boki isn’t a doctor – he’s not even a US citizen

Rebecca: yeah but he has a brother

me: is his brother a doctor?

Rebecca: i think he plays basketball too
but he could be a doctor

me: in america?
crap is that Mike Brown’s coaching??? Great shot! Great shot by Larry!
geez it’s worse than I thought

Rebecca: you know what hurts my head?
mikki’s shooting stance
his knees buckle and he goes all pigeon toed
did you see?

me: yeah he looks like an alien

Rebecca: it’s just silly
yesssss
yesssss
keep shooting larry

me: that was awesome, hughes finally passes a shot up so he can swing it to Snow

Rebecca: keeeeeep shooooooting
i can’t take eric snow seriously
i dont’ know why
even when it’s like…hassan adams i’ll be like “you’re gonna let ERIC SNOW get past you??”

me: because he sucks?
maybe Mike brown is right – just give it to lebron
but LeBron doesn’t care

Rebecca: ever see that episode of the fresh prince?
where every play ended with “pass it to will” ?

me: lol yeah – and the court was like 20 feet long

Rebecca: i would have ot imagine that would be like the cavs game plan
hahaha yes
the early seasons of that show were hysterical
like most of those shows don’t hold up

me: I loved that show

Rebecca: but tbs started showing it recently and i’m still laughing at it

me: Will Smith has never failed at anything
think about that!

Rebecca: ehhhhh
there has to be something
i, robot?
i mean i liked it
but nobody else did

me: sure he’s probably sprained his ankle once or something

Rebecca: jada looks like a dude in drag?

me: it made its money back
true

Rebecca: “gettin jiggy wit it” ?

me: $$$
made it into the lexicon
not many people can do that
nice AV
I’ve been running alot and my feet were hurting so the other day I was saying out loud while I ran, “yeah c’mon Vince you can make it” cause I was running like Vince CArter with his “pain run”

Rebecca: GET UP AND FIGHT!
FIGHT!

me: it made me laugh

Rebecca: hahahahaha
i bet it idd
did
it would make me laugh too
did you make the “wince” face though?
that thing is key

me: yeah totally
[redacted]
me: yeah for sure
hughes sucks

Rebecca: MIKKI!!!!
yeah we’ll see
i always maintain that if i’m gonna do a 3some, it would have ot be [redacted]

me: really. that’s interesting

Rebecca: well “if”
someone would really have to earn that shit

me: I suppose that would be the least awkward way to do it for the long-term

Rebecca: i’m sayin
christ does he have 20 rebounds?
so many missed layups
i don’t like the way the refs are calling this

me: kidd has 16
how so

Rebecca: sat it was a little iffy but they mostly let them play
they’re ticky tacky today
ANOTHER missed dunk
chee-rist

me: Vince CArter tried to be cool

Rebecca: he’s such a homo

me: it looked funny in slow-mo
he was like “I’m gonna do it!”

Rebecca: and then
“mmmm not so much”

me: I hate how he stands on his free throws

Rebecca: mike brown REALLY looks like mr. potato head

me: they need to give sasha all Larry’s shots

Rebecca: yeah
good call
/sarcasm

me: crap

Rebecca: god
vince REALLY sucks

me: haha there’s vince
geez
sasha see he does that stuff
drives more than lebron

Rebecca: sasha looks like he belongs in a wig on america’s next top model

Rebecca: wow, mcbias denying my hotness
i feel that’s cold

me: has he seen the pics???

Rebecca: i don’t know what he’s seen
i’m guessing he’s basing it on my myspace

me: it’s undeniable evidence

Rebecca: he said “reasonably attractive” but not worth “rushing ot expedia”

me: hmmm shall I ban him

Rebecca: ew
gross sequence right there
whatever

me: sasha!

Rebecca: not EVERYONE has to think i’m smokin hot

me: I do

Rebecca: …i guess
CALL IT
we are in the midst of a dick bavetta quarter
yes, and you are the only one that really matters anyway
ok i need to switch to couch i’m buggin out in here

me: okay cool I will be here

Rebecca: i’ll be back ready to slit my wrists in a few, i am sure

me: Sasha goes “I can’t hear”
lol

Rebecca: drawing a warm bath as we speak

me: VINCE

Rebecca: guhhhhhh.
man i mean
how does he suck?
and why are the refs fixing this game?
i don’t understand?

me: dunno
I do not have any emotional attachment to the NBA at the moment

Rebecca: that’s just silly
then why pretend to care?

me: I do care
just not like last year
or the rest of my life

Rebecca: oh don’t worry vince, we wouldn’t want you to hit more than 50% of your free throws
that would be asking WAY too much

me: WHY?

Rebecca: my roommate just walked in
she’s going to find me to be insane i think
if she didn’t already

me: why are we passing to drew gooden at the 3-line when LeBron is IN THE PAINT with Kidd on him

Rebecca: he misses 1
right here

me: the Lasers will destroy either of these teams
I think that’s why I’m ambivilant

Rebecca: color me surprised
yeahhhh
fuckin lasers
if it’s spurs/pistons…i don’t know
i might have to kill myself

me: FUCK

Rebecca: i’m screaming “WHY??? WHY???”
because like…
WHY???

me: why is LBJ taking long jumpers????

Rebecca: why is anyone passing to boki???

me: why is everyone in this game taking jumpers???

Rebecca: why is david blaine rich?

me: I don’t care who – either team – someone drive to the hole!
because he does tricks!

Rebecca: my friend that works for the league informed me that they’re all real big fans of those commercials
like they feel they did real well w/ those
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god why so many turnovers

me: I think they’re okay but they would be better if they just had him go into locker rooms and did his tricks and we got to see the players all freaked out
WHY??? WHY DON’T THEY POST HIM UP?

Rebecca: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

me: wow

Rebecca: the second they put the ball in that talentless motherfuckers hands i start yelling “NO NO NO NO NO NO”
but nobody fucking listens to me
fucking fuck
why woudl they give it to him?
he’s been crap all night
kept turning it over
missing layups and dunks and shit
vince carter should die of gonorreha and rot in hell
gonorrhea

me: well that is an option

Rebecca: what the fuck dude

AND…SCENE. That last part was the end when Vince Carter just kinda dropped the ball out of bounds. Good day!

We’re on a serious hunt for Angry LeBron, and there’s not much else to be said about tonight’s Nets-Cavs Game 4.

Bill Livingston sums it all up in his column from this morning’s Plain Dealer, and we don’t feel there’s much we can add.

As such…

After Tuesday’s performance, in which he scored 36 points with 12 assists and accounted for 63 of the Cavs’ 102 points, why did James take only 16 shots Saturday and score a career-playoff-low 18 points against the Nets?

Why were only six of those taken in the paint? Why were three of his four shots in the fourth quarter 3-pointers? Why, after not making the All-NBA first team, did James not take it personally? Why did he react to the slight, at least publicly, with a shrug?

Yeah, that’s the thing about Saturday’s game that really threw us – not only did LeBron not come out all fired up and doing more than usual, he actually had a completely lethargic and subpar game.

He wasn’t even Average Lebron, who’s good for 25/5/5. He was Non-Lebron, who was like 18/12/4 or something. The 12 would be the assists – we can’t really argue with those, but whatever. They lost when they could’ve easily won with a little effort.

We don’t really feel the series is in any danger, and even the Lasers lost lasterday – in the end, it’s no big deal. It’s just that you worry, because you can’t give up a game to “not feeling like it” in the next round.

As for you Nets fans, we’d offer up some kind of apology for disrespecting your team, but in the spirit of being honest, we really don’t have any respect for your team.

(We’re pretty sure a lot of the old Pat Riley Ranger Corps stuff was lost in the server move, but click on the category and see if you can figure out what the hell this is all about anyway.)