Well, we watched the entire festival of opening night, and it was somewhat comforting to have the NBA back.

We still love the game, and remain open to allowing the league abuse us once again. Tonight’s Cavs-Mavs matchup will be quite the telling experience.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about last night’s games was obviously Kobe Bryant – the Laker crowd booed him during pregame introductions, and despite scoring 45 points in the loss to the Rockets, Phil Jackson got all critical after the game.

“He got tired out there,” Jackson said. “I had to talk to him a little bit about hitting the open guy and not crashing in there as often as he did. I thought there was a lot of times when his competitive zeal brought him in there hell or high water, and he didn’t get the call, and as a consequence there were some things that happened that turned into layups for them or easy run-outs for them.”

Anyone else get the feeling Phil is trying to run Kobe out of town?

He’s been lobbing some jabs at him for the past week, and said in no uncertain terms he wanted the franchise to make a decision on Kobe moving or staying asap.

Not coming out and explicitly asking to keep him is quite telling (Just like Mavs-Cavs!) if you ask us.

Add in the boos, and we think by 3:00 lasterday afternoon, Bryant is gone. Gone like a player who got traded to another team.

On another note entirely, the Spurs continue to be the most boring team in the world of sports. They handed out their championship rings before the game, and the order went something like, Random Guy, Random Guy, Jacque Vaughn, Tim Duncan, Francisco Elson, Random Guy.

Tim Duncan gets his just like in the middle of bench dudes? Can you imagine Cleveland doing this and not saving LeBron to the end? Setting aside the ridiculousness of Cleveland ever winning a title in any sport, that’s just basic dramatic style.

We understand that’s all part of their “we’re a team” stylings, but give your fans at least one moment, in one night to maximize their cheering build-up.

Yeah.

This whole ALCS is becoming a bit too “Cleveland-y” for our tastes, and with the City of Boston Red Socks fans acting all “Boston-y”, ie obnoxious/entitled, we nearly became sick to our stomach last night.

So tonight is Game 7 – it’s pretty much anything can happen, right?

We’ve been reminded twice already about the time the City of Boston Red Socks threw Pedro Martinez out there for three innnings of relief work on short rest the last time these two teams were in a winner-take-all game, so we’re like all hating Josh Beckett this morning.

Are CLE’s aces just too young?* Sure seems that way, but then again, it could just be the Cleveland thing. We’re undecided on whether this collapse earns an official name or not – probably depends on how this Game 7 loss goes tonight.

If it’s a blow-out, it probably doesn’t get one. If CLE is way up, then the City of Boston Red Socks make a comeback (A microcosm of the entire series!), it probably gets one. (The Choke?)

Anyway, a quick NBA note. We’ve made the executive decision to forego NBA League Pass for the first time in 4 years. This is based on the non-offense of the Cavaliers, combined with their apathy of last season, when by the end of November, watching them became a task, rather than a pleasure.

It’s all pretty simple – we just don’t want to feel obligated to watch them if they’re not bringing it every night. (They’re also on national TV quite a bit.)

We do reserve the right to pick it up halfway through the season, or even the end of November, if LeBron and Crew are really going at it. We’ll depend on you to let us know what the real story is behind the team’s record – if you remember last season, nobody in the national media figured out they weren’t trying until later on in the season.

Besides all that, this site will be less NBA and more snake movie, as this becomes the official blog of Who Shot Mamba?. Things will be looking a little Roundier around here sooner rather than later.

Can you smell the re-design coming? It smells like angst-ridden synthetic leather!

NOTE: Just saw that super-religious and morally correct Indians pitcher Paul Byrd is an alleged HGHer. Awesome.

*When did Terry Pluto go to the Plain Dealer? Was this a big deal when it happened? We had no idea until this morning for whatever reason.

This like just came down, so nobody has said anything yet, but we’re pretty sure we know what Zeke is gonna say. It’ll be something about how he was raised poor on the South side of Chicago, and how he is good at businessing.

The thing we wonder is how the Knicks media day is going so far. (It’s this morning and stuff.)

We can only imagine Zach Randolph’s reaction to finding out he can have sex with interns and keep his job, so long as he pretends to find god every June 29th.

“What was the highlight of my summer?” [Stephon Marbury] said. “When I gave myself to Jesus Christ.”

Marbury even noted the sudden transformation occurred June 29. And what inspired the change of heart?

“What happened to me was I got to see myself outside of myself,” he said. “I was able to look in the mirror and really see myself.”

Yeah, what that means is he was dropping acid.

Personally, we’ve never done such a drug – the ones that make you think you’re an elephant and eat your brain cells on contact have never been our thing.

We’ve always been partial to the ones that keep you up for four straight days and cause you to wake up in a different state. (And if you know of a drug that puts you to sleep and keeps you up for four days all at once, call us!)

Finally, if that was your cat that somehow got into our apartment last night and gave us 3/4 of a heart attack, WE ARE GOING TO KILL YOU.

NOTE: Good to see that same jackass photographer from the Lakers shoot made it out to snap some pics of Brandon Roy and the Trailblazers.

With only about 3 teams that are possibly in the mix to add the Suns disgruntled power forward, there aren’t a lot of options.

This is especially true because one of those teams is the LA Lakers, who refuse to do anything – ever again.

As expected, all eyes are on Marion, and Captain Sun is getting hit with not much else in terms of media queries.

“We’re very close to winning a championship,” [Steve] Nash said. “We want everyone on board. All his teammates love him. We want him to be a part of this for sure, and we feel like he’s a big part of it. It’s frustrating to hear he’s unhappy, because we want him to be happy.”

That’s the kind of team captain we should all aspire to be – one who pulls the team together; not one who drives wedges into the very heart of the group dynamic.

In fact, you could even say that when your group dynamics are all put together, the group dynamic becomes stronger, because your group dynamic is strengthened (through group dynamic unity).

Group dynamics are a funny business – group dynamics are a science. The group dynamic cannot be broken in the lab – throw all the test tubes and molecules around that you want, but your group dynamic is unbreakable. Group dynamics.

There are 7 essential properties to group dynamics, and each one is needed. If one of the 7 group dynamic essentials is taken away, by definition you no longer have a group dynamic situation.

Also, Paul Pierce says he’ll have no problem with his stats coming down because of the Garnett/Allen additions. No mention of his current bodyfat percentage.

NOTE: What you just read is how we used to write essays in school, especially when the teacher would give a required length, which always messed up our singular dynamic, but also changed our life once. “What if I can make my point in one sentence,” we would ask.

“Essays are required to be a page and a half,” was her reply.

“But then you’ll be wasting my time and yours with a bunch of superfluous words you have to read. I also may confuse the exactness of my argument through the use of this padding text.”

This brought a small shiver to her cheek. She didn’t want us to see, but even then we had a keen sense of the emotional undertones of a woman’s face. This one was young…eager…but there was a pain inside. Somehow we had unwittingly tapped into this. All from a simple conflict about a simple essay…of a simple subject.

We’d hurt her, but there was no going back. “I can make my point in one sentence,” we repeated.

We set our paper down on her desk, and as a symbol of our stance (a line in the sand, if you will), we set our pencil down, as well, making sure the eraser end lightly brushed against one of her fingers. Her ring finger, to be exact – the very ring finger which was naked – empty…ringless.

We’d noted on the first day of school that she wasn’t engaged, and further observations told us she didn’t have a boyfriend, either. Of course, we had known at the time we’d be using this information against her. What came as a surprise even to us was that it would be here…now. On the second day of school.

“I wanted to be a dancer,” she said this simply – it surprised both of us, but we looked at her in a way that told her we understood…and that we already knew.

“You made your point in one sentence,” we said almost under our breath – you might even say it we said it “breathy”. It was sexually ambiguous to be sure – looking back on it today, we’re sure it played almost feminine. It didn’t matter – at that moment we were the only two people on Earth, and what would happen later in study hall was inevitable.

Miss Jones would know the innocent touch of an eighth grader, and an eighth grader would become a man.

As they say in that one song, “Sumpin’ happenin’ here…”

Jermaine is finally getting proactive about wanting out of Indy, and we couldn’t be happier…as long as he waits until August 21st, when we’ll be back.

C’mon – it’s not like anything’s going on, anyway. It’s August in the NBA!

By the way O’Neal – you’re a contracted player, not a free agent.

“[Pacers GM] Larry Bird is a hard man to deal with,” O’Neal said. “He tries to make unfair trades. He wants to gut a team, but the Lakers are trying to get over the hump. I want Indiana to benefit, but with some nice young players and draft picks. I want to make it clear that I don’t want to gut a team that I come to because then it’ll be like I’m in Indiana all over again.”

You don’t just get to go, “I want to be traded to the Lakers, and please take a garbage deal so they’re still good when I get there.” Yeah, we know – you’ve got the opt-out next summer, blah blah blah.

Have some tact – that’s all we ask. Your team already made a garbage deal to help out the Warriors – that’s enough Pacific Division charity for now, okay?

See you on the other side of August 20th, friends. Remember – it’s all for you.

In the interim, please use this comments thread to discuss what Rondo can do for you, to you, with you, or at you.

(UPDATE: Look at Darius Miles’ car. Some people would call that stupid – we are one of them. Okay, we’re back to not being here until the 21st again.)

UPDATE 2: Yeah, chew on this for the next two weeks:

That says more about Rondo than we could ever hope to. Thanks to commenter yahtzee for shedding the light on a true hero, and a true villain. The Rondo is a complex creature, to be sure.

UPDATE 3: Yes, this post did hide itself for awhile. Not sure why. Okay, we’re really gone this time.

Kobe has his first taste of Team USA action as the squad gets together for a three day mini camp in Vegas, and Chris Sheridan says he’s down 19 pounds since the end of the season.

He’s done this on purpose – guess this has something to do with the new rules, faster pace, etc. He really doesn’t look any different to us, and 20 pounds is a lot of weight. We think Kobe’s exaggerating for some sort of unknown effect.

A far more intriguing piece of info in Sheridan’s column may help explain the asinine trade Phoenix made when they sent Kurt Thomas and not one, but TWO first round picks to Seattle for…a second round pick and an $8M trade exception.

Turns out neither of the No. 1 picks the Suns surrendered has any lottery protection, which could make the 2010 draft pick especially valuable if the Suns’ fortunes take a precipitous fall by then. The scuttlebutt around the league was that Phoenix GM Steve Kerr made the deal as the precursor to another deal, which he will make using the $8.092 million trade exception he acquired from the Sonics.

We hope there’s another trade coming, because otherwise the Suns just gave away their 14th straight 1st round pick in 2 years or something. We know they’re not like super high, but there value in those things – their own Sixth Man of the Year Leandro Barbosa came late in the first round.

Barbosa was the name of one of the pirates in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, also. He was always trying to eat apples and going all like, “I’m a pirate, ya-de-ya-de! I’m a pirate, look out for me, cause I’ma pirate your boat! It’s a bad time on the pirate ship when it rains! Rain is water that falls from the sky, yo-ho!”

Eddie Johnson over on his Hoopshype blog says Stephono Marbury shouldn’t be heading over to Italy in two years, unless he’s ready to get hot coins and such through at him from the stands. He goes on to note that, “I’m a pirate, ya-de-ya-de! I’m a pirate, look out for me, cause I’ma pirate your boat! It’s a bad time on the pirate ship when it rains! Rain is water that falls from the sky, yo-ho!”

The new (and final) Harry Potter book comes out today. We’ll be heading out to acquire it in a bit, and then blocking off all media input for 72 hours while we madly rush through reading it. We’re bitter about having to do this, but we know some idiot is going to spoil it somewhere on the net/radio/truthbox before we can calmly enjoy reading it at a normal pace.

You do it here, and you’ll be forever banned, then we’ll come to your house and sing our new pirate song over and over until you apologize.

While we assumed the Lakers fans were going to be all up on him, it seems that it’s actually fans of the Cavaliers who want a piece of Darko. Even Brian Windhorst comments that this is a possibility, especially with Anderson Varajeo rumored to have a big, overpriced deal on the table from another team.

Additionally, CLE SG Sasha Pavlovic is Serbian (like Darko) and they share an agent.

Said agent isn’t happy with the way things went with the Magic in the past week, which mean El Darko is definitely on the move elsewhere.

“There’s no chance [Darko plays for the Magic]. Put it in big capital letters.” Cornstein[-Man] called [Magic GM Otis] Smith a “liar” and said his dealings with Milicic were “deceitful, disrespectful . . . a disgrace.”

“If Otis had been a decent human being and said that Rashard Lewis is the player we want the most, even if we have to sacrifice Darko, my reaction would not have been happiness. But I would have said, ‘I appreciate you telling me,’ ” Cornstein said. “Instead, the guy told us Darko was a priority, and he lied. . . . All stuff that goes around, comes around.”

Cornstein-Man also noted that he was informed of all of this via e-mail, which he found horrifying, because he has an iPhone, and really likes when people call him on it.

This way when he’s like at the mall or wherever, he can take it out and be all, “Ooh, what could that be? Oh look, it seems my iPhone is ringing. Well, let me just take it out and talk on it loudly in public, so that everyone knows I have an iPhone!” (As you can imagine, we’ve encountered just a few of these types here in LA.)

Regardless, let’s get back to this Darko-in-CLE business. First of all, the Varajeo contract rumor is bogus – when was the last time a free agent was offered a big contract and it wasn’t reported? (”Never” is the answer you’re looking for.) And why wouldn’t they agree to it immediately? Even if he wants to stay in Cleveland, the Cavs have the option to match.

Secondly, Darko is Cleveland is something we could be convinced to get into within an estimated five days of it being official. Despite rumors of laziness, non-motivation, and four years of uninspiring play, he young, tall, and can at the very least block shots. Knock that estimation down to four days.

Okay, three.

No, by 6pm we’ll be totally into this. Darko is the next…no. Darko is the first Darko. We can’t believe the Cavs might chase the greatest big man of his generation. This is amazing!

One of our ongoing angsts of the 2006-07 NBA season has been the obvious offensive buffoonery of the Cavaliers own Coach Mike.

Bad offense, low motivation, and strange rotations plagued this team all year – so much so that we pretended to stop watching them twice.

The results are truly stunning – the team is in the NBA Finals.

What does a franchise do when such things go down? Extend the man and give him a raise.

According to team sources, once the NBA Finals are completed, Brown and the team are expected to enter talks about a raise and an extension of his contract.

While Brown has taken some criticism for his offensive schemes, team insiders report Cavs owner Dan Gilbert is thrilled with Brown’s performance and his installation of a system that has turned the Cavs into a defensive juggernaut.

As we have with the rest of the team, we’ve pretty much been forced to do a complete 180 in terms of how we feel about Coach Mike.

Never has “what the heck is this team doing?” been switched to “this team is inspiring” in so short a time. Remember only two weeks ago, when the Cavaliers came out and let the Nets handily take Game 5 in Cleveland?

Now they’re in the Finals. Somebody is doing something right – they still kinda Retarded Chameleons, but when you’re going up against better teams, we guess that works.

Two clauses we’d like worked into the extention:

First, an actual offensive system should be installed, preferably under the guidance of a specialist assistant coach ala the Tex Winter/Phil Jackson set-up. Second, no more “dead puppies” halftime speeches, unless there are actually dead puppies all over the arena, in which case it’d be awkward to at the very least address it in some fashion.

An added bonus to these exciting pivotal matches will be the inclusion of one Shaquille O’Neal joining the regular crew in the TNT studios. He’s there for like the entire evening, which is like a long time and stuff.

We expect lots of guffawing and laughing, and of course plenty of getting on Charles about not winning a title during his career. In addition, the big hope is one of the Barkley/Smith/Johnson trio asks some hardcore questions of Mr. O’Neal regarding effort, fitness, and/or dedication this past season.

What don’t we expect?

Well, we doubt Shaq will answer any of those questions honestly, and we also doubt that there will be any monsters in the studio, like goblins or demons, because those aren’t real.

If you do believe in goblins or demons, you’re not allowed to read this site anymore. Finally, if you’re wondering what the point of this was, we are, too – don’t worry. We figured there was some mileage in “Shaq is on TNT”, but alas, there is not.

This will not stop us from watching.

(BTW – what’s up with Chris Webber’s non-minutes for the DET Lasers??? Boney?)

Questionable whether it can happen or not. The Bulls are in a little bit of disarray, while the Pistons are being compared to lasers. (This is scary for Cavaliers fans, and also Chicago area residents who are afraid of lasers.)

Anyway – the Bulls. Coach Scott is looking for answers for what he calls the biggest game of the season, and says he’s sticking with the line-up that’s gotten them to this point.

”They’ve got to play to their ability,” Skiles said. ”Taking nothing away from Chauncey and Rip — those are All-Star-caliber players — but Ben and Kirk are very good players, too. They have to at least get up to their own standards of how they’ve played most of the season. We don’t feel like they’re doing anything to take anything away from either one of those guys. It’s just a matter of playing better.”

“These are the playoffs. We’ve earned our way here. We ought to earn our way right now without having to worry about whose confidence is shaken.”

At this point, one would almost think CHI would’ve been better off going seven with the Heat in round 1, if only for purposes of having to be focused.

THAT SAID, this is a young team still, and a trip home could very well reboot their confidence.

THAT SAID AGAIN, we don’t believe that at all, yet still find ourself needing to fill this second portion of the post with words. This is for aesthetic purposes – one must even out the black text on either side of the blue blockquote text in order to keep things simple and elegant.

It’s for this same reason we use the text-wrap function to make sure the initial text is butted up against the picture at the beginning of the post. Otherwise, you’re left with a picture with a large portion of white space to its right, and words beginning below.

This does not work – it’s not pretty nor a practical use of space. Detroit Lasers in 4 or 5. We hedge.