WHO SHOT MAMBA IPHONE

From the category archives:

Who Shot Mamba?

The Cavalier is forgetting to watch TV

by The Cavalier on January 18, 2008 · 22 comments

Chris BoshSo we were totally going to watch the Cavs beat the Spurs last night, and then we totally forgot we were going to do it.

Instead, we invented a new kind of cereal called “Boring Flakes”. They taste like typing paper, and the mascot is also a piece of typing paper.

When you take a bite of Boring Flakes, nothing happens to incite any sort of reaction, and shortly thereafter, you’re finished with them.

You may be wondering what else we’ve been up to. Here’s an email we sent to the post-production team regarding a scene from WSM?:

My thoughts:

1) We have everything we need, and [redacted] IMO.

2) Will need to go through [redacted] and decide [redacted]Henchmen/etc [redacted]. This is not my strength, [redacted] get the story [redacted].

3) Obviously [redacted] sounds, [redacted] to be done. [redacted] music, which is what will really [redacted].

4) Two shots I’d [redacted]. A slo-mo of [redacted] hopefully watching the [redacted]. I think this will give [redacted] right now.

5) In terms of story, much like [redacted], once Merri walks out of [redacted] of making it as [redacted] as possible. This isn’t about some [redacted] – it’s about Merri
[redacted] the greatness that [redacted].

Read point number two carefully, because the most shocking secret of all is contained therein…we have a WEAKNESS.

From here, we were going to post something about our sister’s new boyfriend, but instead, we’re just posting this video, which makes us wish we did more drugs – if we did, we imagine we could survive on this for days:

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El Carnival du NBA Numero Trois du Fifty, et Dans la Garage

by The Cavalier on January 7, 2008 · 54 comments

merri-sherman-2.jpg

UPDATE: The end is where late additions and/or retractions/corrections will/can be made, for those who were late additions and can/will be. We will continue to update this throughout the day, so if you have ANYTHING you want posted, NBA or not, link or not, send it to yaysports@gmail.com. It doesn’t even have to be a full sentence – it doesn’t even have to be a real word – as long as it’s PG, we’ll post it.

(For our reaction to the OSU-LSU National Championship Game, you’ll have to read all the way to the end.)

Welcome to El Carnival du NBA Numero Trois du Feeftai, et Dans la Garage, which translated, doesn’t mean anything, because it’s some coagulation of several languages, with “Carnival” and “NBA” thrown in.

In this way, we have put the idea across without actually saying it.

Before we get to El Carnival, allow us to indulge you for a moment in our favorite topic – ourself.

We are The Cavalier – you may remember us from a time, several years ago, when this very site was considered not only entertaining, but one of the highest quality, highest traffic NBA blogs in all the world.

Tens of thousands of you would check in every day, simply to bask in the glow that was our writings, and to learn how to be cool.

Four or five posts per day were the norm – sometimes up to six or seven. Passion sprang forth from every word and Photoshop effort. Love seeped from every pore. Love for the NBA, for blogging, and for you, the reader.

And then…something happened.

[click to continue…]

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The YAYsports! NBA Blog Resurrection (Part 2)

by The Cavalier on January 2, 2008 · 22 comments

Kevin DurantWe forgot to mention one thing in the NBA post below…the Celtics. Yeah, they’re really good. We get it.

(Boston professional sports teams have lost 3 times total in like the past three months or something – has there ever been anything like this? What can they possibly be complaining about?)

Anyway, here we go –

Section A of Part 2 – Who Shot Mamba?

Surely you all understand and realize it’s real, at this point. The first teaser hasn’t been “officially” released – but the link is there for those who want to watch over and over and over again. (Click the banner in the left column.)

We’ll be answering no questions about the film until the promotional period officially begins. NBA/sports bloggers – you’re welcome and encouraged to gravy train this – email us at yaysports@gmail.com to find out what you can do.

PS – The whining can stop now, yes?

(btw that last shot was indeed, as you’ll see in the film, the most masculine day of our entire life.)

Section B of Part 2 – YAYsports! NBA

“Dear lord” is all we can say – when we were able to check in over the past few weeks, all we saw was people getting mad at each other. Let’s be frank, because it’s the only way we know how to be.

1) With the Blog Suicide a complete success, we’re officially, as of today, on a mission to rebuild the readership. The schedule is a bit more free, and that which sprang WSM? should be at full strength when its child is brought forth.

Redesign will be coming, as will re-attachments to old favorites – it’s only fair that those who find WSM? as a wholly new experience learn where things like Mamba and The Orange Roundie came from.

2) Thank you to the subs, and as you know, you’re welcome to continue. There are big times and exposures ahead, and we welcome you to come along for the ride. Plus, since we don’t know anything about the NBA anymore, we’ll need something to write about – ie whatever you write about.

Finally, someone will need to take the handlebars when we go away forever.

2a) Boney and Jack Cobra. It’s come to our attention that you don’t care for each other. Here are two solutions:

* Boney – when you see a Jack Cobra post, don’t read it.
* Jack – when you see a Boney comment, go ahead and rip him for it. It’s all in good fun.

2b) Jordi and the Association of Dating Age Collegiate Jews -thank you and by all means continue. We’re all family now.

3) What becomes of YAYsports! NBA in a post-WSM? world?

We don’t know for sure, but we do know that in a post-WSM? world, we shall assume our rightful place as the Greatest NBA Blogger of All-Time.

After such declaration is made, we will never blog about the NBA again, and our name will be spoken only in hushed tones, for its power and grandeur will evoke emotion so vibrant and alive, that even the most soulful and deep beings on Earth will be rendered incapable of movement and/or speech.

And nobody wants to deal with that while driving or trying to work.

Part 3 later – where we give thanks to Sara, Susie, and Mandy for giving our life and travels meaning. Where Hot Sauce gets his due. And where Brooke gets eviscerated for refusing to slow dance with us.

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Welcome to the YAYsports! NBA Blog Resurrection (Part 1)

by The Cavalier on January 2, 2008 · 10 comments

merri-sherman.jpgOkay. We’re back.

Today, we’ll be kinda washing the decks of the site’s content and taking a look back at the last three weeks. The YAYsports! NBA Experience was pretty…interesting, we’re sure.

We were only able to check in periodically – each time we did, it seemed as if someone was complaining about someone else. Whatever – after our recap, let’s all agree to move ahead.

Part 1 of the Blog Resurrection shall entail a look at everything we know about the NBA – that’ll happen here in about two sentences, and will probably last three or four sentences, tops.

Part 2 will be a look at WSM? and the future of YAYsports! NBA.

In Part 3, which is easily the best part, we’ll go into our 3-week long excursion, during which time we drove from Los Angeles to Cleveland to Chicago, and back to Los Angeles. We’ll go into detail about such things as drinking Red Bull for the 1st (and 500th) time, making readers into Roundie Henchmen, relentlessly hitting on the girl who works the hotel desk, and why Claremore, Oklahoma is the most fun place on Earth.

Here we go – NBA Action, in which we ask you to answer some questions and curiosities for us:

a) The Lakers and their short shorts aren’t nearly as shocking as the Jazz not being any good. What’s the story on the latter? (btw those shorts would’ve given us a week of material back in the day. What if that had happened during the tights era?)

b) The Bulls fired Scott Skiles – we were in Chicago during this, and sports radio was ripping John Paxson to shreds. Also, is Ben Wallace fat or soemthing? We could swear we read something alluding to this somewhere.

c) The Cavaliers left us cold when we watched them Christmas Day. Amazing that Coach Mike is still there – even more amazing than Isiah Thomas still being in NYC.

d) We’re going to attempt to watch at least one of the 3 nationally televised games weekly from hereon. This, combined with the ongoing efforts of the subs, will ensure continual, and actual, NBA coverage.

Okay, well that was boring. Please keep in mind that we haven’t blogged for three weeks, and also that we don’t even like the NBA anymore. We’ll be back in a few – we desperately need to get the salt washed off the car asap.

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Merry X-Mas from WSM?

by The Cavalier on December 25, 2007 · 22 comments

We’re not supposed to show you this yet, but we’re banking on the fact that those who don’t want you to see it aren’t looking at this site on Christmas day. This will be gone tomorrow.

A lot of you won’t even be able to see it because we’re not a technical wiz and it seems like IE users have problems or something. You need Quicktime 7 we think, too.

Regardless, your first real look at the real thing is through this link.

Merry Christmas.

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The Cavalier is going Philly on YAYsports!

by The Cavalier on December 20, 2007 · 19 comments

Okay…we’re done with leg one of our December journey.

What this means is we’ve been able to read back through the past week or so, and even made sure we set aside time to have one of those “look in the mirror and wonder what you’ve done” moments.

We’re not going to sit here and call people out publically, but let’s go ahead and allude to a bunch of stuff.

Nobody is sitting here saying we asked the subs to come in and run Ford Motor Company or something, but y’know what? We worked pretty hard on this site for a year and a half to get it where it was.

Since then, we’ve worked even harder on a project that found its genesis in this site.

During that time, several people (Jack Cobra, Jordi, The Tar Heel, the AZ Collegiate Jewish Coalition, and Boney) stepped up to help us out.

(We like to think they did this because they liked the site (or at least the spirit of what it once was), wanted to support the other thing, and Zeus forbid, it might be fun.)

What we didn’t think is anyone would go all diva on the on the others – really, it’s sorta ridiculous. This was supposed to be a team effort in support of the site, not some kind of, “who can draw the most attention to themselves and incite the most assinine-ness.”

We laid the hammer down on that. Unfortunately, we can’t be back at it fully until after the first – no PS action where we are right now.

In the meantime, Jordi/Jack/Jews are ready to go, and we thank them for that. One day you’ll be rewarded for that in some way, shape, or form.

NOBODY IS BIGGER THAN YAYsports! EXCEPT FOR THE CHARISMATIC SNAKE.

FIVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

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YAYsports! is bringing in the subs

by The Cavalier on December 9, 2007 · 7 comments

(UPDATE: We’ve just done something horrible. You’ll know about it soon enough.)

We’re bringing in the substitute teachers – it’s official. Right now it’s Jordi and Jack Cobra, of their respective sites, which we expect them to link to in great abundance.

One more sub would be great – volunteer your services to yaysports@gmail.com, and expect a brutal critique. If you email something like, “Hey man I’ll do it I’m funny man,” we will not even answer you with a snide comeback.

We hit the road Tuesday and will be “on the road perpetually through about 01/03/08, if our guessing is being done correctly.

We’ll check in here when we can and maybe post a “hello” here and there – especially there.

Be well – have a happy holiday – be a loyal Roundie Henchmen. Ohio people – don’t forget – Dec 17th and 18th WE NEED YOU. This is your chance to be a part of history. Email for details.

PS Jordi and Jack know where your Christmas present is.

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Stephon Marbury is not with the Knicks

by The Cavalier on November 14, 2007 · 34 comments

(((ATTENTION: IF YOU ARE A LOS ANGELES BASED BLOGGER INTERESTED IN SOME MAJOR EXPOSURE FOR YOUR SITE, WE NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY. EMAIL YOUR NAME AND BLOG ADDRESS TO BRIAN AT yaysports@gmail.com.)))

Well, surely by now you’ve read about Stephon Marblebury leaving the Knicks.

If you haven’t, here’s the deal – Stephon Marblebury left the Knicks.

“I have one thing to say, and that’s I got permission to leave. I would never leave my team on my own. What I’m telling you is that I got permission to leave from Isiah. He said I could go home. God bless. Peace be with you.”

That’s six things, but whatever.

We have to say we’re really glad this happened, because it’s something tangible we can actually write about.

You see, we said we’d be back Tuesday, yet we weren’t. This wasn’t because of lack of effort or being busy elsewhere, it’s just that we haven’t watched any NBA games in their entirety this season, and like if you even asked us who was doing good this year, we’d be at a complete loss.

Luckily, as we were writing this, Dan of DC BOGdom emailed a link to this Drew Gooden-Deshawn Stevenson beard-growing contest, wherein there was a small nugget we’ve requested he follow-up on.

It amazes us this wasn’t the main thrust of the piece.

I asked [Caron] Butler whether he would join Stevenson in bearded solidarity; “Nah, I had lasers,” he said. “I lasered the facial hair stuff off of me. I don’t want hair on my face.”

Keep in mind this is a guy who has the nickname “Tuff Juice”. We must know more about this process – we fully intend to laser any hair off our back if any appears, but the face? What happens if the moustache comes back in style, Caron?

Of course, many of you care not for beards and such – you want to know what we think of the Cavaliers. Roger emailed us the following:

I will not yet recommend repurchasing League Pass, but you’re a go for watching any nationally televised games/stumbling into a bar with the game on. (Are there sports bars in LA?)

There are moments of offensive stagnation, but they are the exception rather than the rule. And LeBron’s energy has been off the charts. He’s helped win games as much with his defense as offense. Hell, even Z is getting up and down the court like a champ.

(Of course all this is subject to change at any second – and that’s why there was a boycott in the first place.)

Yes, there are sports bars in LA – we went to one once – there were sports inside and everything.

As to the Cavaliers…as of today…and it’s pretty saddening to us…we really, truly think LeBron lost us last year with the non-effort. We hate saying it, but it feels as if it’s true. We’ve mentioned this before, but a couple things about us:

1) Our biggest pet peeve is people who don’t try as hard as they can, especially when they are gifted in any way, and this includes most pro athletes.

2) You get one chance with us. We don’t ever hold a grudge against anyone, but if you let us down, we’re pretty much done with you. It doesn’t mean we wish ill on you or don’t like you, it’s just that we can’t really say we’re in your corner anymore.

Don’t know what else to say – it’s pretty troubling as a Cleveland fan to have to write these words. It sank in the other day when we read some speculative article about LeBron playing in LA when his contract is up, and our reaction wasn’t the usual, “He wouldn’t!” and/or, “I’ll kill myself!” – it was a big, “Who cares?”

THAT SAID, who cares – we’re serious about that LA blogger thing, and time is of the essence. We’ve got nine slots left to fill.

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LeBron James is bored

by The Cavalier on November 1, 2007 · 25 comments

On this, the official 2000th post of this YAYsports! NBA, we feel the need to make a list. But first, allow us to post a classic from the archives. (We’ll be doing this periodically for the next month or so – it’s important stuff, so study up.)

tony parker 4

We hope you enjoyed that, because it gets ugly from here. REAL ugly.

Back to that celebratory 2000th post list. This list will encompass but one item, and it shall be of a current event, rather than one of historical significance.

The YAYsports! NBA List of Best Things We Didn’t Purchase in the Past Week-To-Ten Days

1) NBA League Pass

Yeah, we watched, then after the first half, occasionally glanced at the Cavaliers getting blown out by the Mavs last night, and it confirmed everything we’ve thought for well over a year now.

This team has no heart, no drive, and no soul. Deciding not to watch all of their games this season is already the best decision we’ve made, as stated, in the past week to ten days.

They play like they’ve got a built in excuse of “everyone thinks we’re going to suck, so if we do, it’s like okay for some strange reason”.

The team hits its Western road trip right here in the first two weeks of the season, so combine that with “preseason China trip” and “our foreign role players didn’t come to camp”…you’ve got a nice 2-8 record to start the season or something.

Then there’s the topper – continually stating there’s no excuses, which is like using all your excuses without saying it explicitly.

”We didn’t do anything right, we didn’t play hard and we didn’t execute,” James said. ”It’s the first game; hopefully we can put it behind us.”

Coach Mike, blah blah blah…haven’t we written this post 400 times out of 2000 posts? (In all fairness, we didn’t write all of those posts – Jack Cobra, Jordi, and SML, and possibly others chipped in as well.)

Speaking of Jack (#56) and Jordi (#26), they’re both counted among the 100 Most Influential Sports Bloggers, compiled by this blog that’s been in existence since August.

Becky can confirm we’ve felt this way for some time, but this whole sports blog world is so incestuous and bizarre and…not to use a word we never use…icky.

No, we’re not knocking it because we’re not on the list, although we always fly under the radar on these things. Maybe it’s because we’re such an elitist jerk about knocking on the whole sportsblogging world. Maybe it’s because if you’re starting a sportsblog you better have something unique or different to bring to the table.

Maybe it’s because starting a blogspot blog, writing 3 posts, then emailing Deadspin 14 times a day asking for links is pathetic. Who knows?

Aren’t we cheery this morning? We better find something else to write about real quick-like, because the NBA isn’t gonna do it for us anymore.

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Kobe Bryant is good at basketball

by The Cavalier on October 31, 2007 · 8 comments

David Stern

Well, we watched the entire festival of opening night, and it was somewhat comforting to have the NBA back.

We still love the game, and remain open to allowing the league abuse us once again. Tonight’s Cavs-Mavs matchup will be quite the telling experience.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about last night’s games was obviously Kobe Bryant – the Laker crowd booed him during pregame introductions, and despite scoring 45 points in the loss to the Rockets, Phil Jackson got all critical after the game.

“He got tired out there,” Jackson said. “I had to talk to him a little bit about hitting the open guy and not crashing in there as often as he did. I thought there was a lot of times when his competitive zeal brought him in there hell or high water, and he didn’t get the call, and as a consequence there were some things that happened that turned into layups for them or easy run-outs for them.”

Anyone else get the feeling Phil is trying to run Kobe out of town?

He’s been lobbing some jabs at him for the past week, and said in no uncertain terms he wanted the franchise to make a decision on Kobe moving or staying asap.

Not coming out and explicitly asking to keep him is quite telling (Just like Mavs-Cavs!) if you ask us.

Add in the boos, and we think by 3:00 lasterday afternoon, Bryant is gone. Gone like a player who got traded to another team.

On another note entirely, the Spurs continue to be the most boring team in the world of sports. They handed out their championship rings before the game, and the order went something like, Random Guy, Random Guy, Jacque Vaughn, Tim Duncan, Francisco Elson, Random Guy.

Tim Duncan gets his just like in the middle of bench dudes? Can you imagine Cleveland doing this and not saving LeBron to the end? Setting aside the ridiculousness of Cleveland ever winning a title in any sport, that’s just basic dramatic style.

We understand that’s all part of their “we’re a team” stylings, but give your fans at least one moment, in one night to maximize their cheering build-up.

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