Instead, we invented a new kind of cereal called “Boring Flakes”. They taste like typing paper, and the mascot is also a piece of typing paper.

When you take a bite of Boring Flakes, nothing happens to incite any sort of reaction, and shortly thereafter, you’re finished with them.

You may be wondering what else we’ve been up to. Here’s an email we sent to the post-production team regarding a scene from WSM?:

My thoughts:

1) We have everything we need, and [redacted] IMO.

2) Will need to go through [redacted] and decide [redacted]Henchmen/etc [redacted]. This is not my strength, [redacted] get the story [redacted].

3) Obviously [redacted] sounds, [redacted] to be done. [redacted] music, which is what will really [redacted].

4) Two shots I’d [redacted]. A slo-mo of [redacted] hopefully watching the [redacted]. I think this will give [redacted] right now.

5) In terms of story, much like [redacted], once Merri walks out of [redacted] of making it as [redacted] as possible. This isn’t about some [redacted] – it’s about Merri
[redacted] the greatness that [redacted].

Read point number two carefully, because the most shocking secret of all is contained therein…we have a WEAKNESS.

From here, we were going to post something about our sister’s new boyfriend, but instead, we’re just posting this video, which makes us wish we did more drugs – if we did, we imagine we could survive on this for days:

UPDATE: The end is where late additions and/or retractions/corrections will/can be made, for those who were late additions and can/will be. We will continue to update this throughout the day, so if you have ANYTHING you want posted, NBA or not, link or not, send it to yaysports@gmail.com. It doesn’t even have to be a full sentence – it doesn’t even have to be a real word – as long as it’s PG, we’ll post it.

(For our reaction to the OSU-LSU National Championship Game, you’ll have to read all the way to the end.)

Welcome to El Carnival du NBA Numero Trois du Feeftai, et Dans la Garage, which translated, doesn’t mean anything, because it’s some coagulation of several languages, with “Carnival” and “NBA” thrown in.

In this way, we have put the idea across without actually saying it.

Before we get to El Carnival, allow us to indulge you for a moment in our favorite topic – ourself.

We are The Cavalier – you may remember us from a time, several years ago, when this very site was considered not only entertaining, but one of the highest quality, highest traffic NBA blogs in all the world.

Tens of thousands of you would check in every day, simply to bask in the glow that was our writings, and to learn how to be cool.

Four or five posts per day were the norm – sometimes up to six or seven. Passion sprang forth from every word and Photoshop effort. Love seeped from every pore. Love for the NBA, for blogging, and for you, the reader.

And then…something happened.

On May 5th, 2006…we had an idea. An idea sprang forth from that which we derive our main source of income, that being the film industry.

We would make a short film. It would be a happy, short, quickie nod to a lovable snake that graced this blog for many a post. That snake’s name was Mamba, and we decided we were going to shoot him.

This 10-minute short would be called Who Shot Mamba?, and it would debut in late June, 2006.

Alas, this was not to be, for as we began the task of putting this idea to paper, it simply…grew. More and more concepts and characters from the site demanded inclusion – they would be jammed into the script, and soon the piece bloated to 102 pages…by god, that’s the length of a feature film…this is what we said to ourself.

And so we pondered.

30 seconds later our decision was made – we would make this movie, for it was a story worth telling.

And so we did this thing that we set out to do, and yet, it was not enough, and so we stopped.

That which we shot in that summer of 2006 was deemed “not bad”, but inside that footage was gold. That’s what we saw – gold. Performances, concepts, and hilarity that was screaming, begging, and pleading…MAKE ME BIGGER. MAKE ME BETTER.

And so we did.

In December of that 2006, Who Shot Mamba? 2.0 (then lovingly shorthanded to WSM?) went before the cameras – a little bigger, a little better. Ideas fleshed out, more money spent where it was needed – a better film it was, and yet…it was not to be finished.

For late in the latest of nights in the cold, harsh Los Angeles winter, our baby…this…this WSM? creature called to us. Nay, screamed yet again.

We followed its calls deep into the mountains of the Hollywood Hills, where we found our friend, and he looked us dead in the eye, and he said, “I AM BIGGER THAN THIS. DO NOT BETRAY ME.”

Sadness, doubt, uncertainty – all of these things overwhelmed us. For 14 seconds we sat in that glum moonlight and pondered once again. And then…certainty grew where uncertainty had lived just moments before.

“I will not let you down, my friend – we are linked, you and I, and where you feel pain, so then do I. I shall go to mine home, and I shall bloat you out to a full 165 pages. You shall be my Dances With Wolves, and I shall be your Sylvester Stallone/Kevin Costner hybrid, since I don’t know how to be a director!”

It was little gay, but we kissed, and in April of 2007, WSM? 3.0 was born, and full potential was realized at last. The trials were not over, however, for in August 2007 there would be more shooting, and even in December 2007 more!

(Why this is cannot be fully explained until Who Drowned Mamba? – The Making of Who Shot Mamba?, available only on the massive DVD release, which is massive thanks to having 3 separate versions of the movie.)

(Oh, and if you have no idea what a Who Shot Mamba? is, click here and behold that which changes everything.)

THAT SAID…it is 2008, and out journey is almost complete. Our baby almost ready for delivery…which brings us full circle to this website…the father of Mamba himself. This poor, weakened endeavor which birthed a legend has in itself become a withered, weakened beast – sacrificing it’s own health for that of its child.

But today, it says to you, “I AM COMING BACK. I TOO AM STRONG. I HAVE ONE LAST BURST OF LIFE AND I WILL NOT BE DENIED IT.”

Shocked – that’s what we were. Shocked that not only did this being called YAYsports! NBA still live, but that it too had gained sentience and began speaking to us.

Our journey to this point in time has be long and difficult – we now toe the line between genius and insanity on this and every day following, and yet this will be something we embrace, not shun.

And so…it begins here…with El Carnival du NBA Numero Trois du Feeftai, et Dans la Garage, in which we make no attempt to hide our utter contempt for what the world of sports blogging has become, ie derivative, incestuous, and slightly creepy. Click on.

Allow us to begin by explaining to you just how far we’ve fallen – whereas once we were the pinnacle of NBA blogging respect, we now don’t even warrant an email (let alone a nomination) from some blogspot dude who just started some made-up NBA Blogger Award thing.

We sent out an email invite to every blogger we could find an email address for, and asked them to participate anonymously. [Cavalier note: in the old days we called this link-whoring, and we looked down on it.] We also instructed them to send it to anyone they knew that blogged on the NBA that didn’t get an invite. It’s an awfully big series of tubes out there, after all. Every major blogger was invited, and many participated. We want to thank everybody that took time out of their day to participate. We hope to make this an annual event.

Shocking, to say the least. Not that we deserve any awards for the past year’s output, but not even invited to the new guy’s party?

Sorry to start out on such a dour note – let’s move on to old favorite and good-internet-friend Detroit Bad Boys. Matt is actually doing most of his work over at HoopWorld – we’ve never read any of it, but we’re sure it’s full of things about the Pistons and their 10-game win streak.

10 games? Really? See, these are the things we miss by not watching the NBA anymore. Are these the same old Pistons, or are they finally using the kids to give the starters a break? Remember when we used to call them the Lasers? Remember when Rasheed Wallace got upset that one time? Do Sheed jokes even play anymore?

A quick look at Need4Sheed doesn’t give us any answers, since Natalie not only still loves Sheed, but still needs him. Ace bandages forever.

Quick link to Jack Cobra, who actually does all his NBA writing right here on this site, and talks about confusing things we don’t understand on his own.

Old (as in “known for awhile”, not as in “aged”) friend Sonia is still doing the daily Timberwolves updates, only now she does it over at TWolvesBlog DOT COM, which has to be somewhat difficult to do day after day, yes? No? We have no idea – are the Timberwolves bad? We just assumed. We should really be using this as a tool to learn about like the standings for this season and stuff.

(btw that link is to a TWolvesBlog post, but it’s not by Sonia!)

Empty the Bench puts Sasha Pavlovic on its list of 10 players who don’t deserve the 20+ minutes they’re getting every night – this would be fine, if you can tell us who should get those minutes? Snow?

Here’s another link from these lads – they’re greedy over there with their empty benches and their DOT COM after the empty bench. We don’t know what it’s about – we’re already regretting doing this thing. Somehow we thought we’d get to talk more about ourself – those 2000 words to open the thing weren’t nearly enough.

RedsArmy says something or other about how the NBA is on the verge of coming back in popular culture. Don’t jump to any conclusions – they’re not saying this just because the Celtics are good again – that would be too obvious from a Boston fan.

Just go read the entire BobCats Planet site – they sent like 400 links in for this. Here’s one about a WOMAN. OH YEAH!

Fake soap opera about the Knicks from a 1997 website. Look, we’re not the masters of web design or anything, but c’mon!

Okay, let’s take a break and dive into some more of those Academy screeners we’ve got sitting here:

I AM LEGEND – This was great. We’ve never read the book, and we’re fairly sure it completely bastardizes it, but that’s of no concern to us. We’re of the sort who can separate book from movie. In fact, this made us want to read the book, just to see how they’re different.

DAN IN REAL LIFE – There’s nothing wrong with this movie – it’s neither good nor bad. It’s like, “here’s a movie about a guy with relationship problems,” and that’s the job it does. We can’t see how anyone imagine this could get nominated for anything.

INTO THE WILD – Powerful stuff here – if we’d seen this ten years ago, we’d have hit the road in a second. Of course, we wouldn’t be dead, since as soon as the hot 16-year old wanted to hug and kiss, we’d have stayed there, and left our dreams of living in a wilderness bus behind forever. See this if you can – great movie.

Okay, back to NBA ACTION, just like you like it. Here’s someone who totally understands us – they sent in this link.

Australian invasion time – we’re big fans of the Somerton Thunder – if we ever go down under, we’ll be playing an exhibition game against them. 5 on 1 for the fate of the world.

Of course, everyone knows about the very best anti-Larry Hughes site on the net – it was mentioned in an AP article and everything. The irony/hitch here – the worse CLE fans’ relationship with Larry gets, the less likely he is to get any better.

Relaunched SWAGLESS fake interview with Madonna – totally nothing about the NBA in there! CARNIVAL!

We’ve never heard of Drop Kick Monkey DOT COM, but if they’re sending in links related to anything Michael Jordan, we’re going to check it out. It’s a site about commercials or something.

Okay, we looked, and the commercial they want linked is a Melo one. This reminds us of the new issue of SLAM we saw in the store lasterday – it’s Melo and AI, grinning ear to ear, with the headline “High Times”. There’s no way Lang, Sam, et al didn’t know exactly what they were doing there, did they?

AI is an old pro at this sort of thing, having appeared on double-digit SLAM covers. I’ve told people before that even if we only got 10 frames of AI, all 10 would be cover-worthy. Melo isn’t quite AI—he has a tendency to crack up when he’s trying to look mean—but given that we were looking for smiles this time, it worked out for the best.

And again, those smiles were for real.

No doubt – just looking for the source of them, friend.

YAY’s own Jordi gets all serious and talks about serious things that are serious and also serious.

Scottie Pippen commercials seem to be all the rage right now – here’s one for Mazda from some other country, courtesy of The Blowtorch.

It must be weird and hard to be BlogABull right now – you’ve got a team in turmoil who makes you go on rants, and you handed the Carnival to someone who only wants to talk about themself.

Speaking of us, let’s take a moment and just enjoy some silence. Just enjoy being here – don’t bother reading anything:

Excellent. Let’s go back to it now with BulletsForever, who notes that the youngin’ folks in the Wizards locker room are getting separated.

Speaking of the Wizards, here’s how we feel about this whole “Gilbert might shut it down for the year, unless the Wiz are in position to do something special.” That’s retarded – you can either play or you can’t. They’re doing exactly the same without you, so your self-importance in this regard is interesting.

Mateen Cleaves makes it onto SacTownRoyalty’s list of the all-time loathed Kings.

Dear lord, there’s a lot of words in 20-Second Timeout’s Mavs-Warriors recap!

Two guys who blatantly turned down a chance to have their voices heard in WSM? continue to have their voices heard on The Basketball Jones, herein commenting on Chris Bosh’s girlfriend.

(When you hear who we got to do their part, you won’t believe it is who we say it is…but it is. Never say we don’t build bridges! It’s poetic.)

This is so long…there’s no chance anyone is still reading this – you’ve either clicked away or given up, right? Who goes to all these links? If you’re still reading, post “I LOVE AIRPLANES” in the comments section, followed by “8+4=YES”.

The Warriors interested in Gary Payton? Golden State of Mind looks at it.

DroppingDimes is all like posting pictures of naked women and relating it to fantasy basketball again!

Seriously, this is getting painful to do – this is already longer than like every other Carnival, isn’t it? We’ve got a nice sampling of various sites, right? Frankly, we wish more people were like the tomatoes.com guy, or this guy, who just sent in a picture:

If we ever start another blog (WE WON’T), that’s what we’re calling it.

(Looking back a couple links, we should’ve done every link with something indicating there were naked women on the other end. There are some of you who would click every one…just in case.)

MC Bias writes an open letter to Michael Jordan, using naked college girls.

Okay, we’re out of gas for now – if we get a second wind, we’ll finish this, otherwise, it’s over.

Don’t forget to go watch the WSM? thing again, and be on the watch for the official beginning of the end, which will be indicated by the begining of the official WSM? promo push, which is still a ways away yet. There’s a dude across the street who’s building an apartment building, and we have a bet of $1 for what gets done first – his building or our movie.

(We filmed a scene in the empty lot before there was a building there. He just had his drywall inspection today – it’s gonna be a close race.)

Okay, it’s post-Ohio State loss, and time to weigh in on that. We’re not really feeling anything either way, to be honest. We went to OSU for two years, but never really developed a live-or-die loyalty for them. (Are we the least passionate sports blogger on the planet? Can we have that title?)

One more – Roger Clemens. He sounds like us after we get caught red-handed cheating on a girlfriend. Just say “no I didn’t” so many times you believe it yourself. This also trickles down to those who really, really, really, really want to believe you.

His best excuse was “I’d have ears growing out of my forehead”. That’s it – that’s the best he has. That and the, “Where’s the guy who sold me these drugs, huh? Why doesn’t he come forward?”

Um…cause usually people doing the drug traffic thing don’t announce themselves to the world for no reason? Does that count?

As for his recorded conversation with the trainer guy lasterday – we think it made Clemens looks worse, especially since his lawyer was like, “notice how McNamee never said anything about Roger using steroids on the phone call?” That’s right, he didn’t – and if you listen to the start of the call, he’s clearly stating he’s worried the call is being tapped by gov’t people or other people or who-knows-who-people?

Roger Clemens = guilty. NBA Carnival of non-NBA stuff = over! Long live Moomba!

LATE PEOPLE – SITTING IN THE CORNER:

With Malice – naked girls and the NBA’s first term report. Who are you, Mark Stein?

The Awards guy emailed the following:

Last Night…

“Doo dee doo… reading the Google reader, oh, I got linked somewhere else. Cool. Oh, Awesome, Yay Sports! I love those guys! What did they say?!”

*Reads*

“What? What do you mean I didn’t…”

*Checks email list for blogger awards*

“Holy Tapdancing Christ! I left out Yay Sports!”

And that’s pretty much how that went.

Our sincerest apologies. We bow to the greatness of Yay, and humbly ask for forgiveness.

In exchange for your mercy (and hopefully a chance for you to read our stuff and preferably change us from “Some Blogspot guy” so we don’t feel like Kige Ramsey. Anymore than we have to.), we humbly offer inclusion in the Blogger Awards blogger-voting in April.

We hope you shall find mercy in your infinite wisdom.

-Matt
Hardwood Paroxysm

We don’t know what a Kige Ramsey is, but we’ll offer forgiveness in exchange for a lifetime achievement award ala the Cecil B Demille Award. That’s the one they just give to an old and savvy vet, who needs standing ovations on the basis of simply existing for a long time.

He has also posted about the grave and glaring error. The link is in the comments section.

That bastard Jeff at CelticsBlog wrote up something about naked girls, choo-choo trains, and the Celtics.

It seems we have offended Canada in some small way:

At your convenience, check out www.dinosty.com . It’s our first year, just gearing up. If you like us, add us to your links. We’ll promise to send 1000 cases of Du Mauriers and Maple syrup, as well as the alarm code to Avril Lavigne’s house (she’s a deep sleeper).

We are looking for big, strong, USofA friends. After our rookie season, we’re planning to re-vamp the site and go for nothing less than national domination. Trust me, it’s as easy as it sounds.

This entire sequence made us laugh. Our links page will likely never get updated, but here’s a link to Dinosty, the future kings of Canada.

Also, someone is smart – they sent us this to post:

jardeau (jar-doe), noun: a hamburger that became such only after the cheese fell off during production.

ex: My, this is a delicious jardeau! Surely even better than if the cheese had stayed on during production!

Okay, we totally made that up ourself. Nobody sent that in. We’re just trying to encourage you to keep the Carnival updating.

ClipsNation wants your help in fixing the Clippers. Wait. Aren’t the Clippers good? Hey, look at this – it’s like the opposite!

This is funny. Also not about the NBA:

The NBA Source (Didn’t this used to be on a non-MVN site?) says that there’s nothing like a bunch of naked girls when watching NBA rookies play.

(Boston professional sports teams have lost 3 times total in like the past three months or something – has there ever been anything like this? What can they possibly be complaining about?)

Anyway, here we go –

Section A of Part 2 – Who Shot Mamba?

Surely you all understand and realize it’s real, at this point. The first teaser hasn’t been “officially” released – but the link is there for those who want to watch over and over and over again. (Click the banner in the left column.)

We’ll be answering no questions about the film until the promotional period officially begins. NBA/sports bloggers – you’re welcome and encouraged to gravy train this – email us at yaysports@gmail.com to find out what you can do.

PS – The whining can stop now, yes?

(btw that last shot was indeed, as you’ll see in the film, the most masculine day of our entire life.)

Section B of Part 2 – YAYsports! NBA

“Dear lord” is all we can say – when we were able to check in over the past few weeks, all we saw was people getting mad at each other. Let’s be frank, because it’s the only way we know how to be.

1) With the Blog Suicide a complete success, we’re officially, as of today, on a mission to rebuild the readership. The schedule is a bit more free, and that which sprang WSM? should be at full strength when its child is brought forth.

Redesign will be coming, as will re-attachments to old favorites – it’s only fair that those who find WSM? as a wholly new experience learn where things like Mamba and The Orange Roundie came from.

2) Thank you to the subs, and as you know, you’re welcome to continue. There are big times and exposures ahead, and we welcome you to come along for the ride. Plus, since we don’t know anything about the NBA anymore, we’ll need something to write about – ie whatever you write about.

Finally, someone will need to take the handlebars when we go away forever.

2a) Boney and Jack Cobra. It’s come to our attention that you don’t care for each other. Here are two solutions:

* Boney – when you see a Jack Cobra post, don’t read it.
* Jack – when you see a Boney comment, go ahead and rip him for it. It’s all in good fun.

2b) Jordi and the Association of Dating Age Collegiate Jews -thank you and by all means continue. We’re all family now.

3) What becomes of YAYsports! NBA in a post-WSM? world?

We don’t know for sure, but we do know that in a post-WSM? world, we shall assume our rightful place as the Greatest NBA Blogger of All-Time.

After such declaration is made, we will never blog about the NBA again, and our name will be spoken only in hushed tones, for its power and grandeur will evoke emotion so vibrant and alive, that even the most soulful and deep beings on Earth will be rendered incapable of movement and/or speech.

And nobody wants to deal with that while driving or trying to work.

Part 3 later – where we give thanks to Sara, Susie, and Mandy for giving our life and travels meaning. Where Hot Sauce gets his due. And where Brooke gets eviscerated for refusing to slow dance with us.

Today, we’ll be kinda washing the decks of the site’s content and taking a look back at the last three weeks. The YAYsports! NBA Experience was pretty…interesting, we’re sure.

We were only able to check in periodically – each time we did, it seemed as if someone was complaining about someone else. Whatever – after our recap, let’s all agree to move ahead.

Part 1 of the Blog Resurrection shall entail a look at everything we know about the NBA – that’ll happen here in about two sentences, and will probably last three or four sentences, tops.

Part 2 will be a look at WSM? and the future of YAYsports! NBA.

In Part 3, which is easily the best part, we’ll go into our 3-week long excursion, during which time we drove from Los Angeles to Cleveland to Chicago, and back to Los Angeles. We’ll go into detail about such things as drinking Red Bull for the 1st (and 500th) time, making readers into Roundie Henchmen, relentlessly hitting on the girl who works the hotel desk, and why Claremore, Oklahoma is the most fun place on Earth.

Here we go – NBA Action, in which we ask you to answer some questions and curiosities for us:

a) The Lakers and their short shorts aren’t nearly as shocking as the Jazz not being any good. What’s the story on the latter? (btw those shorts would’ve given us a week of material back in the day. What if that had happened during the tights era?)

b) The Bulls fired Scott Skiles – we were in Chicago during this, and sports radio was ripping John Paxson to shreds. Also, is Ben Wallace fat or soemthing? We could swear we read something alluding to this somewhere.

c) The Cavaliers left us cold when we watched them Christmas Day. Amazing that Coach Mike is still there – even more amazing than Isiah Thomas still being in NYC.

d) We’re going to attempt to watch at least one of the 3 nationally televised games weekly from hereon. This, combined with the ongoing efforts of the subs, will ensure continual, and actual, NBA coverage.

Okay, well that was boring. Please keep in mind that we haven’t blogged for three weeks, and also that we don’t even like the NBA anymore. We’ll be back in a few – we desperately need to get the salt washed off the car asap.

A lot of you won’t even be able to see it because we’re not a technical wiz and it seems like IE users have problems or something. You need Quicktime 7 we think, too.

Regardless, your first real look at the real thing is through this link.

Merry Christmas.

What this means is we’ve been able to read back through the past week or so, and even made sure we set aside time to have one of those “look in the mirror and wonder what you’ve done” moments.

We’re not going to sit here and call people out publically, but let’s go ahead and allude to a bunch of stuff.

Nobody is sitting here saying we asked the subs to come in and run Ford Motor Company or something, but y’know what? We worked pretty hard on this site for a year and a half to get it where it was.

Since then, we’ve worked even harder on a project that found its genesis in this site.

During that time, several people (Jack Cobra, Jordi, The Tar Heel, the AZ Collegiate Jewish Coalition, and Boney) stepped up to help us out.

(We like to think they did this because they liked the site (or at least the spirit of what it once was), wanted to support the other thing, and Zeus forbid, it might be fun.)

What we didn’t think is anyone would go all diva on the on the others – really, it’s sorta ridiculous. This was supposed to be a team effort in support of the site, not some kind of, “who can draw the most attention to themselves and incite the most assinine-ness.”

We laid the hammer down on that. Unfortunately, we can’t be back at it fully until after the first – no PS action where we are right now.

In the meantime, Jordi/Jack/Jews are ready to go, and we thank them for that. One day you’ll be rewarded for that in some way, shape, or form.

NOBODY IS BIGGER THAN YAYsports! EXCEPT FOR THE CHARISMATIC SNAKE.

FIVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

We’re bringing in the substitute teachers – it’s official. Right now it’s Jordi and Jack Cobra, of their respective sites, which we expect them to link to in great abundance.

One more sub would be great – volunteer your services to yaysports@gmail.com, and expect a brutal critique. If you email something like, “Hey man I’ll do it I’m funny man,” we will not even answer you with a snide comeback.

We hit the road Tuesday and will be “on the road perpetually through about 01/03/08, if our guessing is being done correctly.

We’ll check in here when we can and maybe post a “hello” here and there – especially there.

Be well – have a happy holiday – be a loyal Roundie Henchmen. Ohio people – don’t forget – Dec 17th and 18th WE NEED YOU. This is your chance to be a part of history. Email for details.

PS Jordi and Jack know where your Christmas present is.

Well, surely by now you’ve read about Stephon Marblebury leaving the Knicks.

If you haven’t, here’s the deal – Stephon Marblebury left the Knicks.

“I have one thing to say, and that’s I got permission to leave. I would never leave my team on my own. What I’m telling you is that I got permission to leave from Isiah. He said I could go home. God bless. Peace be with you.”

That’s six things, but whatever.

We have to say we’re really glad this happened, because it’s something tangible we can actually write about.

You see, we said we’d be back Tuesday, yet we weren’t. This wasn’t because of lack of effort or being busy elsewhere, it’s just that we haven’t watched any NBA games in their entirety this season, and like if you even asked us who was doing good this year, we’d be at a complete loss.

Luckily, as we were writing this, Dan of DC BOGdom emailed a link to this Drew Gooden-Deshawn Stevenson beard-growing contest, wherein there was a small nugget we’ve requested he follow-up on.

It amazes us this wasn’t the main thrust of the piece.

I asked [Caron] Butler whether he would join Stevenson in bearded solidarity; “Nah, I had lasers,” he said. “I lasered the facial hair stuff off of me. I don’t want hair on my face.”

Keep in mind this is a guy who has the nickname “Tuff Juice”. We must know more about this process – we fully intend to laser any hair off our back if any appears, but the face? What happens if the moustache comes back in style, Caron?

Of course, many of you care not for beards and such – you want to know what we think of the Cavaliers. Roger emailed us the following:

I will not yet recommend repurchasing League Pass, but you’re a go for watching any nationally televised games/stumbling into a bar with the game on. (Are there sports bars in LA?)

There are moments of offensive stagnation, but they are the exception rather than the rule. And LeBron’s energy has been off the charts. He’s helped win games as much with his defense as offense. Hell, even Z is getting up and down the court like a champ.

(Of course all this is subject to change at any second – and that’s why there was a boycott in the first place.)

Yes, there are sports bars in LA – we went to one once – there were sports inside and everything.

As to the Cavaliers…as of today…and it’s pretty saddening to us…we really, truly think LeBron lost us last year with the non-effort. We hate saying it, but it feels as if it’s true. We’ve mentioned this before, but a couple things about us:

1) Our biggest pet peeve is people who don’t try as hard as they can, especially when they are gifted in any way, and this includes most pro athletes.

2) You get one chance with us. We don’t ever hold a grudge against anyone, but if you let us down, we’re pretty much done with you. It doesn’t mean we wish ill on you or don’t like you, it’s just that we can’t really say we’re in your corner anymore.

Don’t know what else to say – it’s pretty troubling as a Cleveland fan to have to write these words. It sank in the other day when we read some speculative article about LeBron playing in LA when his contract is up, and our reaction wasn’t the usual, “He wouldn’t!” and/or, “I’ll kill myself!” – it was a big, “Who cares?”

THAT SAID, who cares – we’re serious about that LA blogger thing, and time is of the essence. We’ve got nine slots left to fill.

We hope you enjoyed that, because it gets ugly from here. REAL ugly.

Back to that celebratory 2000th post list. This list will encompass but one item, and it shall be of a current event, rather than one of historical significance.

The YAYsports! NBA List of Best Things We Didn’t Purchase in the Past Week-To-Ten Days

1) NBA League Pass

Yeah, we watched, then after the first half, occasionally glanced at the Cavaliers getting blown out by the Mavs last night, and it confirmed everything we’ve thought for well over a year now.

This team has no heart, no drive, and no soul. Deciding not to watch all of their games this season is already the best decision we’ve made, as stated, in the past week to ten days.

They play like they’ve got a built in excuse of “everyone thinks we’re going to suck, so if we do, it’s like okay for some strange reason”.

The team hits its Western road trip right here in the first two weeks of the season, so combine that with “preseason China trip” and “our foreign role players didn’t come to camp”…you’ve got a nice 2-8 record to start the season or something.

Then there’s the topper – continually stating there’s no excuses, which is like using all your excuses without saying it explicitly.

”We didn’t do anything right, we didn’t play hard and we didn’t execute,” James said. ”It’s the first game; hopefully we can put it behind us.”

Coach Mike, blah blah blah…haven’t we written this post 400 times out of 2000 posts? (In all fairness, we didn’t write all of those posts – Jack Cobra, Jordi, and SML, and possibly others chipped in as well.)

Speaking of Jack (#56) and Jordi (#26), they’re both counted among the 100 Most Influential Sports Bloggers, compiled by this blog that’s been in existence since August.

Becky can confirm we’ve felt this way for some time, but this whole sports blog world is so incestuous and bizarre and…not to use a word we never use…icky.

No, we’re not knocking it because we’re not on the list, although we always fly under the radar on these things. Maybe it’s because we’re such an elitist jerk about knocking on the whole sportsblogging world. Maybe it’s because if you’re starting a sportsblog you better have something unique or different to bring to the table.

Maybe it’s because starting a blogspot blog, writing 3 posts, then emailing Deadspin 14 times a day asking for links is pathetic. Who knows?

Aren’t we cheery this morning? We better find something else to write about real quick-like, because the NBA isn’t gonna do it for us anymore.

Well, we watched the entire festival of opening night, and it was somewhat comforting to have the NBA back.

We still love the game, and remain open to allowing the league abuse us once again. Tonight’s Cavs-Mavs matchup will be quite the telling experience.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about last night’s games was obviously Kobe Bryant – the Laker crowd booed him during pregame introductions, and despite scoring 45 points in the loss to the Rockets, Phil Jackson got all critical after the game.

“He got tired out there,” Jackson said. “I had to talk to him a little bit about hitting the open guy and not crashing in there as often as he did. I thought there was a lot of times when his competitive zeal brought him in there hell or high water, and he didn’t get the call, and as a consequence there were some things that happened that turned into layups for them or easy run-outs for them.”

Anyone else get the feeling Phil is trying to run Kobe out of town?

He’s been lobbing some jabs at him for the past week, and said in no uncertain terms he wanted the franchise to make a decision on Kobe moving or staying asap.

Not coming out and explicitly asking to keep him is quite telling (Just like Mavs-Cavs!) if you ask us.

Add in the boos, and we think by 3:00 lasterday afternoon, Bryant is gone. Gone like a player who got traded to another team.

On another note entirely, the Spurs continue to be the most boring team in the world of sports. They handed out their championship rings before the game, and the order went something like, Random Guy, Random Guy, Jacque Vaughn, Tim Duncan, Francisco Elson, Random Guy.

Tim Duncan gets his just like in the middle of bench dudes? Can you imagine Cleveland doing this and not saving LeBron to the end? Setting aside the ridiculousness of Cleveland ever winning a title in any sport, that’s just basic dramatic style.

We understand that’s all part of their “we’re a team” stylings, but give your fans at least one moment, in one night to maximize their cheering build-up.