The Secret Origin of the Orange Roundie

(This is a picture of Zack Morris from his new lawyer show on TNT. Who thought that hair looked lawyerly, we don’t know. He plays a DA – would the city let him look like that?

Also, instead of the rest of the actors they hired, we would’ve used the entire cast of Saved By the Bell. Do you know the ratings that show would get? Good ratings, that’s what kind.)

Well, Team USA beat China lasterday, and it was a really fun game to watch.

In fact, the most fun part about it was actually being able to note the exact moments when LeBron would turn it on and off.

Scoop Jackson wrote an article the other day about this team not having someone whose game can just scare the hell out of the opponents on a kind of baseline/instinctual/animalistic level. (He says this person should be Amare.)

We’d say Lebron has that ability…he just doesn’t use it all the time. Whoever told him he needs to pace himself in everything he does did the world an awful disservice – we blame Shaq.

Fun as the game was, the best part was having Mike Breen & Doug Collins commentating. One more gae of those ESPN guys yelling “YIPPPEEEE!!! SLAM DUNKER!!!! WHEEEE!!!” and we might have gone to the Brazillian team, like LeBron is negotiating to do.

The saddest part of these Olympics? Poor Jim Lampley, all alone in that studio. We read somewhere that they don’t even give him a cameraman – he has to run over and push the button himself.

Here are the latest additions to the movie list(s) – enjoy:

The Kingdom, Reservoir Dogs, Four Rooms, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Death Proof, Saturday Night Fever, Look Who’s Talking, Look Who’s Talking Too, White Man’s Burden, Get Shorty, Broken Arrow, Phenomenon, Michael, Mad City, A Civil Action, The General’s Daughter, Domestic Disturbance, Houseboat (re-ranked)

As you see if you look at the list(s), we had to create an additional list for movies we know we saw but have zero recollection of. No plot, no impressions, no idea if we liked it or not. These will be listed in alphabetical order, since we have no idea if we liked or disliked them.

Interesting that the two on there right now are both late ’90s John Travolta movies. This was the post-Pulp Fiction period when he would literally be in anything, milking his second wave of stardom for everything he could. He made a staggering number of bad to average movies during this time.

We also re-ranked Houseboat. You have to understand, our mom made us watch Houseboat when we were really young, and it was super dumb.

We remembered certain dumb things about it so vividly though, that sometime last week, we came up with the idea for an incredibly dumb/fun sequel to it. This necessitated a re-watch.

It was just as dumb as we remembered, but was actually so dumb that it was funny, so it got bumped up the list.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Nobody is going to freak out aboot it because it’s not LeBron, but now Kobe says he’d go to Italy for $40-50M a year.

He’s also much less vague with the reasoning/intentions, essentially saying one would have to be nuts to turn down the money.

An always wise voice by the name of Mark Cuban has chimed in, and he thinks this is great for business. He doesn’t exactly explain why – he’s just suggesting it’s an inevitable situation, and should be analyzed and eventually embraced as an opportunity to make positive changes to the business model.

That’s much more reasonable than the, “BASKETBALL IN CLEVELAND IS DEAD FOREVER OMG,” reaction.

The world’s changing, and it’s a good thing.

Frankly, if the airline industry would go ahead and join the 21st century, none of this would be an issue:

1) Invent plane that isn’t same plane from 1975.
2) Said plane flys into lower atmosphere.
3) Earth turns beneath plane.
4) Land in Europe an hour later.

Here’s the next problem – someone finally called us out on our ranking of Rocky Balboa so low on the movie list(s), which means we need to explain that (not a problem) and also rank the rest of the Rocky movies (problem).

Here’s our Rocky Balboa review – it was terrible; nothing but a trip down memory lane for Stallone and the audience. Now, we could probably deal with that, except that the fight was by far the worst of the entire series.

We have no idea what they were thinking doing it as if it were the HBO broadcast itself. Very jarring and poorly done, as well. All the internal monologues by Rocky during it – it was just a mess.

The biggest problem, though? The champ guy breaks his hand, and Rocky wants to use it as an advantage. Stupid. The Rocky we know and love beats insurmountable odds in ridiculous fashion, he doesn’t take advantage of broken hand guy, and ask the audience to be excited about it.

This segues nicely into the other films, because we’ve always, always flopped around on which is our favorite. We’re also, to our knowledge, the only person on the entire planet who actively LIKES Rocky V. Not tolerates it. No – we LIKE it.

When we saw Rocky Balboa in the theater it cemented something about Rocky for us – we like “superhero Rocky” (which is the guy in III, IV, and V) more than “regular joe Rocky” (I, II, and Balboa).

Not that we don’t love Rocky and Rocky II – we absolutely do, and they’re better films than the later ones. But III, IV, and V are way more fun and far more re-watchable, especially IV, which is really just a series of montages, plus a couple scenes with the robot.

If you read that all over again, you’ll note that we weren’t even capable of making any sort of definitive point aboot which ones we like better and why, which is the reason we haven’t ranked them…until today.

Here are today’s additions:

Dazed and Confused, Armageddon, Reindeer Games, Bounce, Changing Lanes, Daredevil, Paycheck, Hollywoodland, The Rock, The Island, Sling Blade, The Apostle, Primary Colors, A Simple Plan, Bandits, Monster’s Ball, Bad Santa, Friday Night Lights, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Patriot, A Knight’s Tale, Brokeback Mountain, Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, Rocky V

Funniest one on there is The Island. We rented that movie three separate times when it came out on DVD, and probably tried to watch it 6 times. We fell asleep every single time, no matter what time of day or how we sat. Very odd – what we saw wasn’t even that bad – that movie just didn’t want us to watch it.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

The above pic is a Batmobile some dude built in his garage from scratch. Wonder if it’s street-legal?

The 08-09 NBA schedule is out, and it looks like the Cavaliers will open at Boston to kick off the NBA season.

We’d say Lebron may get inspired by the raising of the banner, but the new Kevin Smith movie opens that Friday, and we’re pretty sure he’ll be focused on either that or trick-or-treating.

Getting our look at the schedule in at NBA DOT COM, we can only wish one thing. Wait – first, take a look at how the NBA announced the release of the schedule on their main page:

The NBA released the 2008-09 schedule on Wednesday. Greg Oden’s anticipated NBA debut on opening night against the Lakers is one of Ten to Watch in 2008-09.

It read weird to us, because like it said that on the NBA’s own page, like the NBA was someone else. Wouldn’t it be better like this?

I released my 2008-09 schedule on Wednesday. Greg Oden’s anticipated debut inside of me is on opening night against the Lakers, and is one of Ten to Watch in 2008-09.

Why not make the NBA a sentient being?

We know this can’t happen for real for another 5-10 years, but they could at least pretend, right? That way, like when someone gets suspended, the press releases can all, “Ron Artest has angered me again. I hereby ban him from being inside me for 10 of my games in which the Rockets play. Don’t forget, I am on TNT tonight at 8:00.”

This would be better.

Here are today’s movie list(s) additions, including one brand new release, and a couple requests from the comments lasterday:

Pineapple Express, American Beauty, Bring It On, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Popeye, Good Morning Vietnam, Dead Poets Society, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, Jumanji, The Birdcage, AI, Insomnia, Night At the Museum, The Cable Guy, Zoolander, There’s Something About Mary, Mystery Men, Meet the Parents, Starsky & Hutch, Dodgeball, The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Bottle Rocket (1996), Clerks, Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Lots of comedy on here – being that we think ourself humorous in our own right, we think we’re gonna have to explain ourself. we’ll try to be brief and to the point as best we can.

Pineapple Express – this was good, and well worth seeing, although like most of this new-wave Judd Apatow produced stuff, it’s too long. You can tell they ad-libbed a ton of stuff and just didn’t want to let it go. They needed to – it slowed things down. 15 minutes shorter, and this is a great movie.

Kevin Smith – we don’t like toilet humor, as you know. He has a lot of funny/clever stuff (especially in Jay & silent Bob Strike Back), but it gets weighed down by all the crap. Overall, for this reason we don’t like his movies.

Wes Anderson – pretentious and unwatchable. As you can see, Rushmore is at #288 out of 308, right beneath Angels in the Outfield.

Ben Stiller – we love Ben Stiller when he plays against type, even if the movies themselves aren’t technically that good – Zoolander and Dodgeball are great examples of this. (We can’t wait to see Tropic Thunder.) When he misses, he misses hard, though – The Cable Guy and Mystery Men, we’re looking at you two.

We also Stiller as the lovable sap when the material is good, ie There’s Something About Mary. Then there’s like Night At the Museum, which we just like because it’s just a nice movie. It’s nice – everything is okay with the world after you watch it, despite the death of a caveman.

Overall, we jut want his career – he can write, direct, produce, act, or do nothing at all, depending on how he feels at any given time. He alos has the freedom to retire and go work at Home Depot if he really wanted. That too, is nice.

By the way, if you have a protest to any given movie’s rank, please let us know in the comments, and we’ll be happy to justify the placement.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

We told you he’d totally be into it – “sources close to LeBron” say he’d consider Euro offers in 2010 if they start at $50M per.

Why? It’s good for the brand. Good for the brand. Good for the brand.

And frankly, it would be good for the brand – he goes for a year, becomes a European sensation/icon, and comes back to the NBA.

Opponents to this line of thinking say an NBA title is better for the brand than a Euro title – people who aren’t delusional know that “winning” in any league is about number 4 on Lebron’s lists of things to do.

(BTW this list is flexible for LBJ – for example, today the list is: 1) See Pineapple Express 2) Make money 3) Practice with Team USA 4) Winning)

Thank Zeus he mailed in the last two pre-Olympic exhibitions right as we’d declared we were gonna re-drink the Kool-Aid. Now we don’t have to go through the misery when he leaves – we’re back to not caring.

Although, we imagine it’ll be easier if he leaves for Europe than for elsewhere in the NBA.

Alas…today’s additions to the movie list(s) are:

Three Kings, O Brother Where Art Thou, The Perfect Storm, Spy Kids, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Michael Clayton, Courage Under Fire, Chasing Amy, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Rounders, Dogma, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Finding Forrester, All the Pretty Horses, The Majestic, Stuck On You, Jersey Girl

One of these lucky films found a warm home in the bottom ten. Enjoy your European lifestyle, Earl Boykins – we’ll always remember you.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

We have no idea what this has to do with Converse, but we love this chick.

Why? Because even though she’s fictional, she’s a hot, brunette, high-maintenance pain in the butt with moderate-to-high intelligence. This means she’s perfect for us, and our ideal woman.

Since that was only marginally basketball related (at 10 years ago when Converse was still involved in hoops), let’s look at the gargantuan move the Cavaliers made lasterday.

Equal in tenacity and risk only to the Ron Artest to Houston deal, CLE signed something called a Tarence Kinsey. This is apparently a point guard of some kind.

Kinsey split last season between Memphis and Fenerbahce Ulker Istanbul in the Turkish league. In his second season with Memphis, he averaged 3.6 points and 8.7 minutes in 11 games. In Turkey, the 6-foot-6 Kinsey averaged 9.2 points in 14 games.

For the record, we’ve never heard of this person, and with that resume, we’re hoping this is somehow a misprint.

It seems like it should read, “extended an invite to training camp” as opposed to, “signed”.

Regardless, here are the latest movie list(s) additions:

Superman Returns, Superman: The Movie, Superman II, Superman III, Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, Snatch, The Game, Oceans Eleven, Oceans Twelve, Oceans Thirteen, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Peacemaker, Out of Sight, South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut, Team America: World Police

Yes, Superman: The Movie cracked the top 10. We know the entire last 30 minutes is ridiculously impossible, but this movie has our favorite scene in all of movie history (the helicopter rescue), and also the most perfect superhero casting of all time.

Plus, the score makes us want to be a good person and do things of significance, like be a world class high jumper.

Superman Returns, in sharp contrast, is way far down the list. We could write 5000 words about what’s wrong with that movie – just ask.

Another movie cracked the top 25 – see if you can find it, and then report back on whether you found it!

By the way, movies on the “fell asleep/turned off” list are eligible for a re-watching, provided we fell asleep. Oceans Thirteen brought aboot this decision – we were just super tired when we put that on. It likely wasn’t the movie’s fault.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

The biggest news in the NBA today (and maybe in NBA history) is that Schlitz beer is back.

This was not only our maternal grandfather’s favorite beer, but also Jason Kidd’s.

In addition to his love of Schlitz, Kidd sat the entire second half of Team USA’s victory against Communist Russia lasterday, which people are insisting on making into a big deal.

Does anyone really think Jason Kidd cares if he sat the second half of an exhibition?

Do you think he’ll even care if he sits the second half of actual Olympic games? We say no, in conjunction with saying that media will insists it’s some huge deal.

LeBron going to play for Greek teams in 2010 is a big deal – this is not.

Here are lasterday’s additions to the movie list(s). We have to add that (s) because some basketball people can’t read.

Sullivan’s Travels, The Maltese Falcon, The Birds, Shane, Children of Men, The Usual Suspects, Swing Vote, The Crow, Coyote Ugly, The Sum of All Fears, The Recruit, Stand By Me, Grosse Pointe Blank, Con Air, The Thin Red Line, 16 Blocks, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, The Good Shepherd, Beowulf, Being John Malkovich, High Fidelity, America’s Sweethearts, Identity, Supergirl, Flash Gordon (1980), The Last Starfighter, Pushing Tin, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, The Bone Collector, Girl Interrupted, Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000), In the Line of Fire, Air Force One

Not much commentary among these. Our brother was tossing movies at us, and said if Supergirl wasn’t in our bottom ten, he wouldn’t consider our list valid. (It made it there legitimately.)

The joke was on him when he saw that Magnolia, the most plot-void, pretentious, and overly long film of all time, was also in the bottom ten. We were actually embarrassed watching Magnolia, and we watched it alone. (He likes Magnolia. A lot.)

This brings up a point, however. If a movie hits near three hours, there’s an excellent chance we won’t like it or won’t finish it. Ask us how we like the Lord of the Rings movies.

Another example – we’ve never watched Braveheart all the way through. (We’ve seen the whole thing, but never all at once.)

Another big sticking point – anything that’s at all like or resembling a historical epic.

We also hate movies that aren’t good.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

USA looked kinda disjointed but ultimately beat Russia easily this morning – we think they look bored, and are ready for games that count. This is like watching pre-season NBA.

Another neat thing happened last night – chubby-like-a-baby Celtics star Paul Pierce was accused of being wasted driving around in Las Vegas.

TMZ wonders and investigates:

After cops let him go, Paul left his car at the valet and took a cab home. He was not cited or charged. So three DUI tests, not cited for erratic driving, decides to take a cab and leave his car…..what’s up with all that?

We’ll tell you what – POT.

Anyway, we added more movies to the list(s) – we’re up to 225 now, and two more that cracked the top 25:

American Psycho, Shaft (2000), Shaft (1971), Batman Begins, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, Batman and Robin, Batman (1966), The Prestige, Blackhawk Down, Terminator 3, 3:10 to Yuma (2007), L.A. Confidential, Mystery Alaska, Gladiator, Proof of Life, A Beautiful Mind, Master and Commander, Cinderella Man, American Gangster, Hannibal, Beetlejuice, The Iron Giant, Happy Gilmore, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Highlander

We have nothing else to say – we’re watching (for background noise purposes only) the totally awful Superman Returns on HBO and doing some writing.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

(We’re really sorry aboot not having any photos or Photoshop work – we won’t be back in LA (with our computer) for like two weeks, and even then, we don’t know when we’re gonna take our stuff (like our computer) out of storage.)

One of our major pet peeves is when people give themselves a nickname.

It bothers us so much, that when it happens, we do that thing where you clinch your shoulders up, kinda do an angry shiver, and go “Ooooooohhh!!!!”

That’s why it hurts to see Kobe Bryant give himself his second nickname – he now wants to be The Doberman.

This will not inspire another film, but truth be told, if there were a doberman and a mamba in front of us, we’d shoot the dog before the snake.

While we’re still on hoops – this rumor probably started right here the other day, but there are rumblings we were right aboot that Greek team thinking aboot LeBron in 2010.

The movie ranking list is now up to 199 films – here are the latest additions:

The Ten, The Number 23, Superbad, Knocked Up, The 40-Year Old Virgin, Clueless, Boyz n the Hood, Menace II Society, Juice, Encino Man, School Ties, Twenty Bucks, Son in Law, With Honors, Airheads, In the Army Now, Blast From the Past, The Mummy (1999), Bedazzled (2000), The Mummy Returns, Crash, Parenthood, Philadelphia, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Powder, Elf, The Departed, Little Miss Sunshine, Juno, Anchorman, Hot Rod, The Big Lebowski

By the way (and we’re sure this will happen continually with various films), we realized we had D.E.B.S (#66) way too low, so we moved it up aboot 15 spots. For some reason our ranking of Clueless (#88) made us do this.

Another tough one is Knocked Up (#158) – we thought it was awful – like really, really bad. BUT we’d watch it again before many of the movies above it on the list. This is why it’s important to not move to the next criteria unless it’s absolutely necessary.

At this point, we consider it an accomplishment if something gets into our top 25, which The Big Lebowski did at #19.

Also, right now (and we guess continually?), the breaking point between “movies we like” and “movies we don’t really like” seems to be I Am Legend (currently #116), which is like totally an average movie to us. Again, it’s an inexact science, so there may be movies beneath it we like and movies above it we don’t.

A great example of this is Bad Boys II (currently #173) – we liked it and find it completely watchable, but at the same time we thought it was horrible. This is some kind of Will Smith factor. He’s just like Arnold Schwarzenegger for us, ie we can watch and enjoy anything they’re in to some extent.

A few movies we’re afraid to place – Rocky 1-5, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and The Three Amigos. We love all of them, but they get damaged in the brain because we’ve seen them so many times. It seems like they should be top 25, but we don’t know if they are. (Okay, all 5 Rockys don’t seem that way, but 1-4 for sure seem that way. We like 5 quite a bit, too. The sixth one is already on the list…low.)

One last thing – as you may have noted, we kinda did the Brandon Frasier IMDB rundown, and we have no recollection of his Encino Man character doing cameos in like three other Pauly Shore movies. Apparently it happened, though.

(Yes, it’s true. We like Hot Rod more than Anchorman.)

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Who is this guy doing the ESPN2 broadcasts on these Team USA games?

We’ve never heard anyone who loves dunks so much. Every single time he’s like, “OH MY…!!! HOLY MOTHER OF…! A SLAM DUNKEROO!!!”

In fact, just now as we typed this, LeBron (our once-and-again best friend) dunked on a breakaway and he goes, “OOOOOOH!!! A SEXY JAM!!!”

Anyway, USA looks nice this morning, and Lithuania doesn’t stand much of a chance. Therefore, we’re going to officially spend the morning finding a way to make 20 million dollars simply by making a threat to play football.

After that, we’ll continue our movie list – lasterday we added quite a few sports movies:

Space Jam, Jingle All the Way, Hoop Dreams, Like Mike, Bend It Like Beckham, Semi-Pro, He Got Game, A League of Their Own, Bull Durham, Angels in the Outfield, The Natural, Eight Men Out, The Scout, The Waterboy, The Longest Yard (2005), Remember the Titans, Any Given Sunday, Varsity Blues, The Replacements, Necessary Roughness, The Program, Rudy, Gremlins, E.T., 300, The Fly (1986), The Wizard of Oz, Pearl Harbor, Robocop, Pretty Woman, Animal House, Rear Window, Casino Royale (2006), Leaving Las Vegas, Seven

Basketball movies that aren’t Hoosiers, Space Jam, or He Got Game don’t fare so well. (It’s true – we’ve never seen Hoop Dreams, although it’s available in full on Hulu. Almost 3 hours long…we think this is likely why we never watched it.)

Football movies all seem to be the same – if you make a football comedy, we’ll likely deem it, “okay and watchable”.

Baseball movies usually have baseball players in them, playing baseball.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }