UPDATE: Enjoy your dose of Jack Cobra – we won’t be back until Tuesday…in the meantime, make sure to check out a blog near you using our work without crediting it.

This is also your official reminder that we are the greatest NBA blogger of all time. Nothing and nobody will ever surpass us. Thank you for your time.

LeBron James

Well, it seems LeBron played the role of Angry LeBron and truly led the Cavaliers to a nice road win at GSW last night.

If phrases like “barking orders” and “driving and kicking” keep being tossed around, we may have to order up the League Pass thingie sooner rather than later.

Not to say we don’t enjoy not watching the Cavaliers, because not watching the NBA much has actually been a fairly refreshing thing – especially when we get emails like this one.

so you guys aren’t reporting much or talking about the cavs lately.
sad. I frequented your site much more when you had whitty things to
say about them that actually made sense.
now all you do is ramble on about mamba ? ive heard you guys mention
that shyt for a long time now and still have no idea what the stupid
snake thing is about.

“Lately”? Hasn’t it been like this for like a year now? And our views on the Cavs are pretty clear if you’ve been a regular reader since…we don’t know…Coach Mike was hired, right?

By the way, that seems to us like a completely fake email, anyway.

Like we said, that’s been the status quo for like a year, and the thing kinda reads like “I’m going to write out everything that people find annoying about the site and disguise myself by using strange/bad grammar.” Who do we pin this on? Boney is the obvious, but we’re going with HD Net’s Dan Rather.

Either way, we understand if you’re not interested in toothpaste revolutions or Facebook or how we stop talking to girls if they try to hold our hands too early, but if you’re gonna call us out on this stuff, you can’t put a space between the end of your sentence and the question mark.

This is all neither here nor there, however. The most important revelation is that in over two years and 2000 posts, we’ve never had to create a “Potatoes” category until today.

That seriously is incomprehensible to us, and as an award, we’re going to do nothing about it whatsoever.

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So in the second great hygienic discovery of this blog’s life, we picked up this new Crest Pro Health Night toothpaste.

(The first was the Old Spice Combined Shampoo/Bodywash Discovery of early 2006.)

This stuff is weird – it like toothpaste you’re only supposed to use at night – it claims it will leave your mouth nice and fresh in the morning, in case we want to make out with our pillow. All we can say right now is that it works, and we want to know why.

Here’s what they’ll tell you at the website:

Pro-Health Night Toothpaste
New Crest Pro-Health Night Toothpaste protects your mouth at night for a healthier mouth that is cleaner in the morning versus brushing alone with a standard toothpaste. It uses the unique Polyfluorite Systemâ„¢ to provide protection against cavities, gingivitis, plaque, tooth sensitivity and tartar, plus it freshens your breath with a cool, clean mint flavor. But it doesn’t stop there. Crest Pro-Health Toothpaste is formulated to provide excellent whitening benefits, too.

Okay, you can’t just tell us you stuck your Polyfluorite System in our mouths and then walk away. There are two massive issues here:

1) What the hell is in your Polyfuorites that it does these amazing things?

2) Why, if this stuff is so powerful, is it only to be used at night? It’s not that our mouth is under constant assault of being in bad shape throughout the day, but it only makes sense that if there a toothpaste that will leave you minty fresh in the morning, it should be used during the day, as well.

Sorry to get all into this, but we’re constantly on the prowl for the perfect toothpaste. Almost everything has whitening garbage in it now, and what that whitening stuff is leaves like a film on our gums.

Anyway, we had some nice emails congratulating us on our horrible short-term dating/relationship post the other day, so here’s two more:

- We went on a hike with this girl once – we guess it qualified as some kind of exploratory first date or something. There was a kiss involved at the conclusion of the day’s activities.

The very next time we saw this girl was the very next day, when she stopped by our (at the time) job unannounced, and proceeded to try to hold our hand as we walked her out. We just like pulled it away, and were like, as politely as possible, “what are you doing?”

If you haven’t guessed what happened next…we never talked to her again.

We’re enjoying Facebook – it’s clean and user-friendly and has all kinds of verifications and such. You can click on people’s profiles without music coming on or having seizures from their backgrounds.

Cavaliers in GSW tonight – let us know how it goes!

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Andre Kirilenko

Rather than recount the Cavaliers brilliant (and classic) “kill ‘em with the jumpshot” 3rd quarter strategy against PHX last night, we’d like to get into the world of social networking for a moment.

When we used to have a functional right sidebar, we had a link up to our MySpace profile. Many of you became our friends, including six or seven versions of LeBron James.

After reading Mark Cuban’s recent post on Facebook, we decided to finally dive in – we’d been meaning to for some time anyway.

Our initial impression is that (MySpace – (Retardedness + Spam + Identity Theft + Bad HTML) = Facebook). In short, we really like it. Is our equation accurate? What else are we missing? Are there people like sandwich on Facebook? Teach us!

If you want to see our profile, shoot us an email to with a link to yours – we’re trying not to be linked to a bunch of anonymous strangers who don’t actually exist, and/or stalkers.

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Toronto at 2-0? Unsurprising.

Indiana at 3-0? Shocking!

Both Chicago and Washington at 0-3, and looking bad doing it? Worth keeping an eye on, plus a Sunday post.

The Bulls lost to Milwaukee last night, and Yi Jianlian looks like he’s like good at basketball-playing and stuff. (That’s probably a post unto itself, but you know that’s not happening.)

So what’s the problem? We have no idea, but the CHI Sun-Times has the following poll up on their site to help you decide:

Dude! What’s wrong with the Bulls?
*Guards aren’t shooting well
*Too many dumb turnovers
*Can’t score in the paint
*No real go-to-guy
*Team always start slow


Isn’t that kinda weird from a real newspaper?

Regardless, the Bulls do always start slow, but usually it’s because of that Western road trip they take early – not because they were guests at MIL’s home opener. Expect the chats of “Get Kobe” to get louder and louder.

As for WAS – as we said the other day, it seems that the protocol is now “if Agent Zero says it will happen, it won’t happen.” Expect the chants of “Get better at basketball-playing” to get louder and louder.

*We believe it’s possible that both of these teams have been struck by The Curse of the Mamba. It’s a new curse, and we don’t fully understand it yet, but we simply must look ourselves in the mirror and say…what have we done?

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Over the past two weeks, we’ve very craftily changed several major things in our life, and we must say, at this juncture everything is running smoothly.

Our stalkers can’t find us, our family can’t find us, our friends can’t find us, people we don’t know can’t find us…in fact, nobody can find us, because we’ve moved into a doll house the size of a real house, on a street full of doll houses the size of real houses.

That’s not all! We now drive an automobile that not only is able to take a full tank of gas without dripping gas out the bottom, but all four doors open from both the inside and outside.

Perhaps the most ponderful thing of all was that Boney asked us for a copy of Photoshop, which we promptly mailed off to him 5 days after he asked, ie lasterday. What he’ll do with it, nobody knows.

Now, even though LeBron allegedly had a sit-down with Coach Mike that resulted in a 45-point performance and a win over the Knicks Friday night, we didn’t watch it, so there’s not much we can say about it. Instead, we’re going to just have a Saturday morning bullet point chat.

The subject matter will be whatever pops into our mind. And…go.

*Why did Stephen A Smith and Bill Walton switch seats between the Wednesday and Friday ESPN telecasts? Did the producers think that would fix that thing Stephen A does where he just talks whether it’s his turn or not?

*Has Gilbert ever said he’s going to do something and then actually followed through? We’re keeping count. Believe that.

*We saw American Gangster on one of those high-quality mystery bootlegs last week. We shouldn’t really do that considering like we’re in the industry and stuff.

*We’re going to see a movie in the theater later this afternoon. It’s undecided what we’ll see, although we’re going with a human female. (It is not a date, we swear to her and all that we hold holy.)

*Everyone out here is all writers strike, all the time. The general populace won’t hear more about this until the networks run out of new TV shows in late Jan/Early Feb, but it’s got LA all worked up. We have a good friend who works at the WGA and she says she’s sick of turning on the news and “seeing work” all the time.

*We used to work at the WGA some years back, and let us tell you this about that place. In the second floor copy room, there’s an old typewriter that’s just sitting there. Nobody knows why it’s there. One day we stuck a piece of paper in there that said the following:

“My name is Typey. Why have you all neglected me? You used to love me. I may not be handsome and multi-functional like your fancy new-age computers, but I still have feelings. Someone say hi sometime. Please?”

When it was ready, we called about 10 of our co-workers in and pointed it out, asking them desperately to help us figure out why Typey was so upset, and why he’d never said anything before. Nine out of those ten people didn’t think that was funny, and we never spoke to any of them again.

*We went on a date once with this one girl from the WGA. We never talked to each other again after that. Another time, we went on a date with a different girl from the WGA, who we also haven’t spoken to since.

*Another time, we went on a date with this girl, and by the end of the night, she said (and we quote), “Let’s give each other special nicknames!” We basically looked at her like, “Why?” We never went out with that girl again.

*Her mom owned like this real fancy steak house, and she would always talk about it over and over, and all we could think was like, “Look, it’s a steak house – she’s not the freaking President or something.” Thing is, her mom was President…of the steakhouse.

*Here’s another one – we went out with this girl like a couple times – this was awhile ago; she was still living with her parents. So like we were going over there to watch a movie, and her parents were going out for the evening. Her dad was like, “So, you kids gonna rent a movie and get some pizza?” When he said it, he had this really happy look on his face and sounded like Santa Claus. We started laughing – we couldn’t help it.

*We broke up with that girl on Valentine’s Day of that year. It was completely unrelated to anything other than her saying she wanted to marry us. This after two dates and her dad’s pizza party.

*Sorry to go through all this personal stuff, but we were told the other day that we seem like we’re emotionally stunted. We take no offense to that, especially after reading the above. It’s probably true, but it comes back to this other girl we dated for a long, long, long time…who we say in all sincerity completely broke our heart.

* :(

*There was this one night of our life that only two other people know about. To this day, all we have to do is think about it, and we start laughing out loud. Occasionally, we’ll call one of the other two people who know about it, and they have the same reaction if it comes up. Nobody will ever, ever know what we’re talking about other than the three of us.

*One time when we were living in Cleveland, we were having this big party. We walked into our bathroom and someone was making crack. We looked at them and said, “Could you let me know when you’re done?” He said, “Dude, I’m making crack!” We replied, “That’s really good – could you let me know when you’re done?”

The funniest thing was he came and found us like 10 minutes later and was like all politely, “Hey, I’m done.” We were like, “Thanks,” and went and used the bathroom. That was the one and only time we’ve ever seen actual crack. We’re a good, if lenient, host.

Enjoy your weekend – we’ll be back tomorrow!

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LeBron James is bored

by The Cavalier on November 1, 2007 · 25 comments

On this, the official 2000th post of this YAYsports! NBA, we feel the need to make a list. But first, allow us to post a classic from the archives. (We’ll be doing this periodically for the next month or so – it’s important stuff, so study up.)

tony parker 4

We hope you enjoyed that, because it gets ugly from here. REAL ugly.

Back to that celebratory 2000th post list. This list will encompass but one item, and it shall be of a current event, rather than one of historical significance.

The YAYsports! NBA List of Best Things We Didn’t Purchase in the Past Week-To-Ten Days

1) NBA League Pass

Yeah, we watched, then after the first half, occasionally glanced at the Cavaliers getting blown out by the Mavs last night, and it confirmed everything we’ve thought for well over a year now.

This team has no heart, no drive, and no soul. Deciding not to watch all of their games this season is already the best decision we’ve made, as stated, in the past week to ten days.

They play like they’ve got a built in excuse of “everyone thinks we’re going to suck, so if we do, it’s like okay for some strange reason”.

The team hits its Western road trip right here in the first two weeks of the season, so combine that with “preseason China trip” and “our foreign role players didn’t come to camp”…you’ve got a nice 2-8 record to start the season or something.

Then there’s the topper – continually stating there’s no excuses, which is like using all your excuses without saying it explicitly.

”We didn’t do anything right, we didn’t play hard and we didn’t execute,” James said. ”It’s the first game; hopefully we can put it behind us.”

Coach Mike, blah blah blah…haven’t we written this post 400 times out of 2000 posts? (In all fairness, we didn’t write all of those posts – Jack Cobra, Jordi, and SML, and possibly others chipped in as well.)

Speaking of Jack (#56) and Jordi (#26), they’re both counted among the 100 Most Influential Sports Bloggers, compiled by this blog that’s been in existence since August.

Becky can confirm we’ve felt this way for some time, but this whole sports blog world is so incestuous and bizarre and…not to use a word we never use…icky.

No, we’re not knocking it because we’re not on the list, although we always fly under the radar on these things. Maybe it’s because we’re such an elitist jerk about knocking on the whole sportsblogging world. Maybe it’s because if you’re starting a sportsblog you better have something unique or different to bring to the table.

Maybe it’s because starting a blogspot blog, writing 3 posts, then emailing Deadspin 14 times a day asking for links is pathetic. Who knows?

Aren’t we cheery this morning? We better find something else to write about real quick-like, because the NBA isn’t gonna do it for us anymore.

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David Stern

Well, we watched the entire festival of opening night, and it was somewhat comforting to have the NBA back.

We still love the game, and remain open to allowing the league abuse us once again. Tonight’s Cavs-Mavs matchup will be quite the telling experience.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about last night’s games was obviously Kobe Bryant – the Laker crowd booed him during pregame introductions, and despite scoring 45 points in the loss to the Rockets, Phil Jackson got all critical after the game.

“He got tired out there,” Jackson said. “I had to talk to him a little bit about hitting the open guy and not crashing in there as often as he did. I thought there was a lot of times when his competitive zeal brought him in there hell or high water, and he didn’t get the call, and as a consequence there were some things that happened that turned into layups for them or easy run-outs for them.”

Anyone else get the feeling Phil is trying to run Kobe out of town?

He’s been lobbing some jabs at him for the past week, and said in no uncertain terms he wanted the franchise to make a decision on Kobe moving or staying asap.

Not coming out and explicitly asking to keep him is quite telling (Just like Mavs-Cavs!) if you ask us.

Add in the boos, and we think by 3:00 lasterday afternoon, Bryant is gone. Gone like a player who got traded to another team.

On another note entirely, the Spurs continue to be the most boring team in the world of sports. They handed out their championship rings before the game, and the order went something like, Random Guy, Random Guy, Jacque Vaughn, Tim Duncan, Francisco Elson, Random Guy.

Tim Duncan gets his just like in the middle of bench dudes? Can you imagine Cleveland doing this and not saving LeBron to the end? Setting aside the ridiculousness of Cleveland ever winning a title in any sport, that’s just basic dramatic style.

We understand that’s all part of their “we’re a team” stylings, but give your fans at least one moment, in one night to maximize their cheering build-up.

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(Sasha signed with the Cavaliers finally, at three years, 4 or 5M per. Very fair deal when you consider what Jason Kapono and Luke Walton got. That contract is, at the very least, tradable in two seasons. Danny Ferry wins.)

In these trying times, wherein left and right we’re being assaulted by even our most loyal Roundie Henchmen*, please take a moment to support YAYsports! NBA by going over to Bodog and getting rich through gambling.

Only through gambling on sports will you achieve your dreams, friends – and enemies, for that matter. We want you all to prosper.

Friends, because we like you. Enemies, because it will make it that much more exciting when we crush and destroy you.

Just in time for the start of the actual NBA season, Jeff, the bastard from (the ALL-NEW) Celticsblog, sent over the last bunch of preview links. Enjoy:

Golden St. Warriors
Golden State of Mind

Los Angeles Clippers

Los Angeles Lakers
Forum Blue & Gold

With Malice

Phoenix Suns
Bright Side of the Sun

Sacramento Kings
Sactown Royalty

CelticsBlog NBA Page

*You see, Jordi is one of the chosen ones who saw an early version of the first official WSM? teaser trailer. The date on it? October 30th. Today? October 30th. WSM? Not yet. Nope.

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Despite LeBron’s insistence that he’s all soldiered up to go to war, we’re firmly in “prove it” mode.

We’ve made the executive decision to watch tomorrow night, and will also watch all the TNT action this evening. Look, this used to be our favorite day of the year – we can’t help but get a little excited, or at the very least, intrigued.

(Plus Charles Barkley is already going off on Kobe. He also says the Cavs won’t even make the Playoffs. We’re not ready to be quite THAT down on them yet.)

(PLUS AGAIN, we’re now addicted to watching these “submit a question to Kenny, Ernie, and Charles” videos on YouTube. $24 to anyone who asks them “Who Shot Mamba?”)

Alas…previews, previews, previews. Between blogs, big portal sites, message boards, newspapers, and magazines, there are so many previews out that we almost get annoyed that they exist.

That may just be the uppityness of being us, but we can’t bring ourselves to do a massive preview series. What can we say that other people have spat out, analyzed, or rehashed countless times already?

Do you need to read more about what it means to have Kevin Garnett in BOS? Or how about some more Kobe trade speculation, and how it might affect the Lakers season? We’ll give a brief three words (and only three) on each team below.

But first, our final word on The City of Boston Red Socks and the annoying fans of The City of Boston. This sums it up – in a show of good sportsmanship, we called the WSM? director lasterday morning, who had gone back to BOS to be there if/when they won it all.

When asked how fun it was, he went into a long complaint of how it wasn’t as good as 2004, and all this other stuff that was askew and/or “not good enough” about winning the World Series. We hung up on him, and we did it in genuine contempt. It wasn’t to be funny or dramatic.

You Boston people are sick.

Here are your team 3-worders – we’re going off the top of our head, to see if we can remember all the teams. Hense the numbering. So in no particular order:

1) Cleveland Cavaliers: Bee Movie.
2) Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers: When two urgh.
3) San Antonio Spurs: Mill bark house.
4) Los Angeles Lakers:
5) Phoenix Suns: Name is Suns.
6) Seattle Supersonics: Okey rootin’ tootin’.
7) New York Knicks:

Y’know, this isn’t even fun. We shouldn’t have stuck that City of Boston Red Socks story in there – it’s just got us all fired up. We erased the ones we didn’t like and stopped at the Knicks. $440 to the person who can accurately guess what we erased – capitalization counts.

Rookie: Durant
Coach: Coach Stan
MVP: Duncan
Finals: Spurs over WSM?

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LeBron James

On this NBA Season Eve*, We’re sorting through a hefty share of emails regarding the Pistons’ Rasheed Wallace claiming that the NBA basically fixed the series with the Cavaliers last season, ie the league wanted LeBron in the Finals.

We’re not sure how that works, when the Pistons let him drive down the lane like 100 times in a row in that Game 5, and Sheed himself completely melted down and got himself ejected from Game 6.

We will concede that David Stern used telekenesis to guide all of Boobie Gibson’s jumpshots into the basket. That’s a little more realistic.

Here are a portion of the comments, if you haven’t seen them.

“I still don’t think they (Cavaliers) beat us, we beat ourselves,” Wallace said. “And I think we also fell victim to that personal NBA thing where they are trying to make it a world game and get (television) ratings. They wanted to put their darling in there (the NBA Finals) and they did, and look what ended up happening.”

First of all, Sheed’s mouth became completely irrelevant two seasons ago, when he kept calling (and missing) his shot regarding the Pistons beating the Cavs in the second round. Are we all in a agreement on this?

He’s not exactly Joe Namath.

Secondly, and more importantly…we just don’t care.

We’ve tried to get fired up for this season, but we’re just not. AT ALL.

We’ve already explained our reluctance to get League Pass, and honestly, as we sit here this morning, we’re not even sure we’ll watch the Cavs and Mavs play Wednesday, let alone any other games.

There was a great danger last season, and we said this as it was happening, that the apathy/malaise of LeBron could permanently damage our fandom if he kept that $#!t up.

He did, save for the Pistons series, and all signs of this preseason say it’s continuing into this year. We think he’s lost us. He’s really a more talented Vince Carter, until he proves otherwise. Earn it, kid.

THAT SAID, we look forward to seeing how the hell we’re going to write an entertaining NBA blog when we no longer enjoy the league, and won’t be watching that many (if any) games.

We will attempt it – we will continue – if only because you should definitely be keeping an eye on this location.

*Previously one of our favorite days of the year.

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