Over the past two weeks, we’ve very craftily changed several major things in our life, and we must say, at this juncture everything is running smoothly.
Our stalkers can’t find us, our family can’t find us, our friends can’t find us, people we don’t know can’t find us…in fact, nobody can find us, because we’ve moved into a doll house the size of a real house, on a street full of doll houses the size of real houses.
That’s not all! We now drive an automobile that not only is able to take a full tank of gas without dripping gas out the bottom, but all four doors open from both the inside and outside.
Perhaps the most ponderful thing of all was that Boney asked us for a copy of Photoshop, which we promptly mailed off to him 5 days after he asked, ie lasterday. What he’ll do with it, nobody knows.
Now, even though LeBron allegedly had a sit-down with Coach Mike that resulted in a 45-point performance and a win over the Knicks Friday night, we didn’t watch it, so there’s not much we can say about it. Instead, we’re going to just have a Saturday morning bullet point chat.
The subject matter will be whatever pops into our mind. And…go.
*Why did Stephen A Smith and Bill Walton switch seats between the Wednesday and Friday ESPN telecasts? Did the producers think that would fix that thing Stephen A does where he just talks whether it’s his turn or not?
*Has Gilbert ever said he’s going to do something and then actually followed through? We’re keeping count. Believe that.
*We saw American Gangster on one of those high-quality mystery bootlegs last week. We shouldn’t really do that considering like we’re in the industry and stuff.
*We’re going to see a movie in the theater later this afternoon. It’s undecided what we’ll see, although we’re going with a human female. (It is not a date, we swear to her and all that we hold holy.)
*Everyone out here is all writers strike, all the time. The general populace won’t hear more about this until the networks run out of new TV shows in late Jan/Early Feb, but it’s got LA all worked up. We have a good friend who works at the WGA and she says she’s sick of turning on the news and “seeing work” all the time.
*We used to work at the WGA some years back, and let us tell you this about that place. In the second floor copy room, there’s an old typewriter that’s just sitting there. Nobody knows why it’s there. One day we stuck a piece of paper in there that said the following:
“My name is Typey. Why have you all neglected me? You used to love me. I may not be handsome and multi-functional like your fancy new-age computers, but I still have feelings. Someone say hi sometime. Please?”
When it was ready, we called about 10 of our co-workers in and pointed it out, asking them desperately to help us figure out why Typey was so upset, and why he’d never said anything before. Nine out of those ten people didn’t think that was funny, and we never spoke to any of them again.
*We went on a date once with this one girl from the WGA. We never talked to each other again after that. Another time, we went on a date with a different girl from the WGA, who we also haven’t spoken to since.
*Another time, we went on a date with this girl, and by the end of the night, she said (and we quote), “Let’s give each other special nicknames!” We basically looked at her like, “Why?” We never went out with that girl again.
*Her mom owned like this real fancy steak house, and she would always talk about it over and over, and all we could think was like, “Look, it’s a steak house – she’s not the freaking President or something.” Thing is, her mom was President…of the steakhouse.
*Here’s another one – we went out with this girl like a couple times – this was awhile ago; she was still living with her parents. So like we were going over there to watch a movie, and her parents were going out for the evening. Her dad was like, “So, you kids gonna rent a movie and get some pizza?” When he said it, he had this really happy look on his face and sounded like Santa Claus. We started laughing – we couldn’t help it.
*We broke up with that girl on Valentine’s Day of that year. It was completely unrelated to anything other than her saying she wanted to marry us. This after two dates and her dad’s pizza party.
*Sorry to go through all this personal stuff, but we were told the other day that we seem like we’re emotionally stunted. We take no offense to that, especially after reading the above. It’s probably true, but it comes back to this other girl we dated for a long, long, long time…who we say in all sincerity completely broke our heart.
*There was this one night of our life that only two other people know about. To this day, all we have to do is think about it, and we start laughing out loud. Occasionally, we’ll call one of the other two people who know about it, and they have the same reaction if it comes up. Nobody will ever, ever know what we’re talking about other than the three of us.
*One time when we were living in Cleveland, we were having this big party. We walked into our bathroom and someone was making crack. We looked at them and said, “Could you let me know when you’re done?” He said, “Dude, I’m making crack!” We replied, “That’s really good – could you let me know when you’re done?”
The funniest thing was he came and found us like 10 minutes later and was like all politely, “Hey, I’m done.” We were like, “Thanks,” and went and used the bathroom. That was the one and only time we’ve ever seen actual crack. We’re a good, if lenient, host.
Enjoy your weekend – we’ll be back tomorrow!